My boyfriends,bestfriend. Options

[misfit]

Ok my boyfriend's bestfriend is a girl.They have been bestfriends for about 7 or more years.They are both 20.And she has a boyfriend also who she seems to really be in love with.I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and we love eachother and what not,but when my boyfriend comments her on myspace saying stuff like hey gorgeous,and i miss you and love you lots and stuff,it makes me feel like shit.I mean i'm his girlfriend,not her..I wish he didn't speak to her that way..I mean do you find that normal?I mean he talks to me just about the same way..It makes me feel like i'm second best.I just haven't known a friendship like that,where they are so close and speak to eachother in a lovingly type way.I just find it weird.

And his other girl bestfriend,there was a photo of him and her in his bed together,on her myspace and I just went nuts.Yet I didn't realise she has a few other photos like that with her in another guy friends bed and he also has a girlfriend..We've sorted all that out but his guy friend saw the photo and said Oh sweet hit on her....I guess he was joking but how do I know that??

Ahhhhhhhhhh I wish my boyfriend just didnt have girl bestfriends..They have made me feel unwelcome from the start..He defends them no matter what and I feel like they are so much more important than me..Sorry that this is so long.

[queen]

yah, those situations always take some getting used to. since he was friends with them before he even met you, of course he'd feel more inclined to defend them or "side" with them. and it's natural for you to feel dejected.

the best thing to do is let him know how you feel, talk it over, then wait it out. do not give him an ultimatum, and do not make him choose between you or his friends; that will just push him away. you don't have the right to tell him how he should act or who he should act that way towards, but you do have the right to his attention and to let him know whenever his actions make you feel like crap.

if your relationship is strong, then he'll realize how much more important you are, and he'll slowly clean up his act. if not, then maybe he's not the guy for you. sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. there's the person's lifestyle to consider, among other things.

[littleswallow]

yah, those situations always take some getting used to. since he was friends with them before he even met you, of course he'd feel more inclined to defend them or "side" with them. and it's natural for you to feel dejected.

the best thing to do is let him know how you feel, talk it over, then wait it out. do not give him an ultimatum, and do not make him choose between you or his friends; that will just push him away. you don't have the right to tell him how he should act or who he should act that way towards, but you do have the right to his attention and to let him know whenever his actions make you feel like crap.

if your relationship is strong, then he'll realize how much more important you are, and he'll slowly clean up his act. if not, then maybe he's not the guy for you. sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. there's the person's lifestyle to consider, among other things.

I totally agree.