Dear cB Diary,, Createblog Diary no. 10 Options

[HakunaMatata]

Dear cB Diary,

After watching Spider Man 3 last night, I feel better about my eye bags.

And I demand that I get at least two dollars back from my ticket after watching the hottest guy of the movie die. SRSLY.
Love,

Kayceeee

[iGio]

Dear cb,

Im growing more violent,more angry,more sad,and more confused.School has a big stress over me.Im sick of the little haters making rumors about me.Im sick of them looking at me trying to define me as if they really can.Just sunday i was so happy because i thought we were in june and everyone told me we were still in may.That cracked me so bad.I was actually looking foward to finals and to saying good bye to lehman hs for ever.Im still procrastinating too much and my diet plan seems to be failing.I mean im doing my part,but my mom isnt.She sucked what i was hiding from her out of me.I told her that i didnt want meat,no fatening food.Just fruit and salad every day.But did it occur to her that It's something i need now and not then?Nope.She says she will get me this and that and how hard she is struggling with the money.I dont honestly care,and yes im that much of a spoiled little b-tch.I would love to get a job but everyone says teens are too young to work.And like i havent even d one my 45 su's or 100 jj's.And i need to do them,i already did my brisk walking.

And i cant hold it in no more.Im obessed with my monkey,its that idolization phase.And im sick and tired of hiding who i call my monkey.Joe jonas.I.D.G.A.F what anyone thinks about me or me being obessed with him.I see nothing wrong,well not yet.But being obessed has help me be motivated to do things.And like i told bff,im doing what im doing for me.To smile for me.Im sick of the bottle thats so tight inside.Im sick of all the sides of me always fighting to gain control.I can be dark or deceveing,believing and taken advantage of,nice and sweet,shy and quiet,mysterious and crazy.Theres alot to me.And everytime people just try to break me to see who i am,what i am really about.-sigh-And getting on about school.Im sick of it.I told my mom i needed a new copy of romeo and juliet because i lost mine.She totally forgot to go get me one all because she was out at her friends.So if she isnt going to care about it,why should i?I try,and i've proven im a college prep/honor worth student.But i let my self fall on purpose.No one seems to care.My friends all wanna know deeply whats bugging me but when i begin to tell them,they dont wanna hear it.They wanna all walk away and want me to help them.I dont mind but you know,im sick of holding my life in i wanna have a free heart.And my obession with me monkey is only getting worse.The last dream i had of him was a blow your mind away.Totally unrealistic in every way.

What to do?I always complain,sure.I can't help it,its me.I have no one to go to and im not gonna go to my mom.Thats like a big no and therapy?Im only a teen and people from school already have reccommended me to become one.I wonder why i cant take my own advice.Its hard for me.No one knows how hard it is to live my life.The things that happened to me,the things i've felt,the time i cried my eyes out and could not help but to sleep in my moms room for the last few weeks of summer because of how scared and torn i was.And latly,the only thing keeping me calm and saine is my monkey.It's become my everything.Why do i call him it?I feel weird to call him My everything?Should i?I dont know where to turn.I've always been stuck in life and i really believe more each day that the only reason i was born was to help my friends.Even my fortune cookie said it.I cant see my self being happy with anyone or being happy by my self.I cant see it at all.But the question is,why am i so afraid to show me?Why cant i just tell anyone?why why why.Why me.I laugh alot and smile but behind the rose is nothing but grief and pain.I dont know who the hell i love,what i love,who i am loved by.

I feel so lost,why couldnt i have been born normal?I cant sleep,i cant eat and everyone is thinking im starving my self.I cant help it if i dont feel like eating.I want to cry but i cant.I want to be happy but i cant.I cant be sad because thats not me.I dont even know why i feel the way i do.Then when i speak to my ex who is also my best friend.things also come back.Im a big whore.I like this that and that.I cant stop and im not horny either.But i cant help but to have taste.I cant help but to have feelings,i mean im not a robot so why am i making a big fuss.I feel retarted.If only i were born the other way of life,maybe i would have it easier.much easier...And im starving but i cant eat.No salad in the house so,yeah.Another night without eating.Im not looking for someone to pity me,but someone to be good to me?Is that so wrong,i just wish i could have a clone of my monkey to cry and lean on because i cant even do it to my friends.Isnt that sad,when they are here and he isnt.And phoebe like i feel like robert and david.The two biggest horny stalkers i know.I cant move on but when i dont see her it feels like i have but when i see her things rush back.Im so silly.I think i need a permanent break.

-Leon