Life is way too short Options

[only_if_u_knew]

im not posting this for smpathy at all just for advice and to let others know not to take things for granted including your lives!! thank you for your time: please no negitive comments [thanks brook!]
yeasterday i was babysitting my little brother who is an epileptic and only 5 years old.
i was thinking of what the docor said about he might be paralyzed from the waist down by the age of 8.
heres a kid that would run off the walls if we let him.
only gets 2 hours of sleep because of all the meds hes on..
and they predict that he could become paralyzed!!!!
i was thinking here is this little kid who doesnt know what the world has in store for him.
and i wake up every morning worring about what im going to wear.
what im going to do with my hair
being mad at the world
still fighting with my best friend of 15 years!!
arrrggg!!
when here is this little boy who does what he is told
never talks back
loves to give hugs and kisses
and runs in circles trying to get dizzie!!!
i hate myself for thinking of just me
i should wake up in the morning being thankful that i am alive, and healthy.
I know now that i should stop and think more.
not get into those petty arguements with my sister over whos turn it is with the blowdryer.
And then i think what if there really is a god out there waching my every move.
will he forgive me for the petty things do.
did.
or will those taunt me. when im standing at the gates wih everyone eles waiting to get into heaven??
will he wach over my little brother.
does he guide my brother when he has 5 seziures in a row...making sure that hes still alive when there over.
does he sit with my mom in the hospital when she alone staring at my little bro while he sleeps making sure that he has no more seziures.
does he help my mom make through the day knowing someting could happen at any moment.
Last week my stepdad went to jail.
he was our familys rock
kept us from ripping of eachothers heads off.
my mom was finally happy.....
did god do this??!!
now to watch my mom cry is heartwrenching
But life is way tooo short to waste tears on a lost cause!!!
so i dont cry..i dont scream..i dont smack people.
i just...wait
wait for a answer..
while my little sister [13] locks herself in her room with the music on high.blocking out reality!
my 5 and 9 year old brothers play outside.
and my mom crys in her room so no one hears her.
i wait ......
because life is too short to predict whats going to happen...
so i let it come 1 day at a time......

[deplorable]

im sorry that stuff is so tough for you. believe me. i know what its like.