I grieve. Options

[HakunaMatata]

My mother passed away a little over two weeks ago, and this has been on my mind.

So my mother was sick. Really, really, really sick. In bed suffering for months. When she passed away, it wasn't at all surprised. According to a therapist, we as humans begin grieving when someone gets terminally ill; like the brain automatically prepares itself. And you know, I think that's true. I was ready as possibly could be, which is probably why, even the day after, I was still going to school, posting on cB, etc.

Since then, I've been A-OK. My overall happiness has decreased, sure, but it's not like I'm hysterically grieving every day. But the pain comes in waves; I'm fine for a while, then out of nowhere I'm breaking down. Then I'm okay again.

So the point is about truly grieving. Have you experienced true grief? What did you do while grieving? How did you deal with it?

P.S. I mean this in the most sensitive manner: Please don't post in here with "I'm so sorry." because honestly, people who grieve (well at least this is how I feel) already know your sorry, and we're truly appreciative of your caring, but let's keep the discussion to grieving, hm?

[kimmytree]

I kinda have a weird way of grieving. Whenever I've lost close family members (such as my grandmother, grandfather, aunt, ect), I just try to pretend they're still here... and that I just havent seen them lately. That usually makes things all better... until I'm at a family gathering, such as Christmas. Then I totally lose it, and almost relive all the emotions I felt when they passed. Maybe prentending they're still here just ends up making things harder?

You know, I just started thinking about this today, and its been on my mind all day. When I woke up this morning, and turned on the news, I was shocked to hear that my local weatherman had commited suicide. Even though I didnt know the guy, I've been teary-eyed from it all day. It's reminded me how precious people around us are, and how we need to cherish every second we have with them... because we never know when they wont be here.

[tokyo-rose]

I kinda have a weird way of grieving. Whenever I've lost close family members (such as my grandmother, grandfather, aunt, ect), I just try to pretend they're still here... and that I just havent seen them lately. That usually makes things all better... until I'm at a family gathering, such as Christmas. Then I totally lose it, and almost relive all the emotions I felt when they passed. Maybe prentending they're still here just ends up making things harder?

That kind of sounds like a form of denial to me, like maybe an indirect denial? I can't figure out a way to say it without sounding repetitive, but this is what I was typing:
Instead of pretending the death didn't happen, you're pretending the person is still alive, but either way they're both denials.
See, it sounds like I'm saying the same thing twice in one sentence. I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

But yeah, that happens to me too. I had a close family friend my brother and I called Uncle John who passed away in October 2005. I accepted the death and grieved, but when it came time for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it felt so weird celebrating without him there. My family had been going to his house to celebrate holidays ever since I was little, and he'd known me ever since I was born. I cried a little that first Christmas without him because I was walking around the house and looking into his room and thinking how he wasn't there. But I know he wouldn't want me to cry, so instead I try to be happy and make him proud.