Does 'true love' truly conquer all?, He has a family already... Options

[shaixe]

I reconsidered posting this on the internet. Feel free to delete.

[SimplicityGirl]

Twenty years age gap. He's in a completely different phase of life than you. Your life has JUST begun while his is starting to calm down after all the chaos in his 20's and 30's. I'm not saying that your relationship with him won't work but in my opinion, an age gap more than 10 years is..a bit too much. But that's just me. So let's shove that all aside and get to what you're asking.

Did you know that he was married when you two got together? And how long have you two been dating? Time is not so much an issue for him as it is for you. You have your whole life ahead of you. He has already lived half his life, and is pretty much settled down. Do you really want to marry him? Remember that there IS a twenty years gap between you too. What if one day you want to have kids with him? He may be a good father to his son, your step son if you marry, but he may not have the energy for future kids with you. He had his son when he was 18, two years younger than you are right now, so he had much much more energy for a kid than he would now..and will decline as he ages.

You say that you're willing to overlook certain things, but for how long exactly? You also mention that you know that you'll never be able to mean the same to him as his ex wife did. I think there's something ... majorly wrong there. If it's true that he loves you as much as he loved her, then you should mean just as much to him as she did to him. You also say that it seems to be a waste of them not being together. Maybe deep in your heart you wish that you were her so that you can have a long happy and healthy relationship with him. Jealous of his ex wife? That's part of the you don't think you'd mean as much to him as she did to him. You have got to believe in yourself. If you don't that you mean as much to him...then maybe you really don't. It reflects in the way you act around him. If you start degrading yourself......then well...

I think it was rather stupid of you to give up your future just for him. Love is but just one part of life. There are other parts too. Work is an important part of life, as important as love, or more, depending on what you're after. I would never give up my future for a guy...not even for my boyfriend, whom I love dearly, and will marry one day. Another question: did he say he'll marry you? Engaged? I just don't think it wise to give up your whole future just to be his wife. What if he leaves you one day? Keep in mind that he did divorce his wife, what's stopping him from having another divorce?

Are you ready to commit your whole life to him? Remember, and I know it theoretically should not matter, but there's the age gap. What will you do when he dies? What will you do when you're up for sex and he doesn't? Remember he's forty-two, so some of the things that you find fun, amusing and whatnot won't be to him. If you are to commit yourself to him, you must take into account and accommodate for the differences that comes with the different age groups.

Another thing...does your parents know and approve of you dating him? And your friends? I've never met him or you in real life, but if a friend of mine was dating someone a whole twenty years older than her, I would definitely tell her to reconsider her choice and to try to find someone closer to her age.

I'm not telling you to break up with him. But if you don't know how long you can overlook things...then maybe, just maybe, you should reconsider your relationship. Because in a relationship, you should be able to overlook things, and not wonder how long you can. You just do. And it's called compromising and looking past the flaws.

And...why are you the one that's worrying? You're making it sound like he did nothing wrong, and you're the one that's doing something wrong. Relationship is a two person thing. Give and take. Compromise. Talk. Communicate.

I will end this long blurb with a very cliched advise:
Have a heart to heart talk to him about all that you told us and how you feel about it all.