vulnerable Options

[Winter]

I've started posting since like March but I am sure none of you actually really know me. And it's great you know, coz cB has been like an escape for me. cB is where I am able to truly be myself, no mask or anything.

When I got here, I decided to not get involved too much. Like be friends with all these people. I am not doing that again after what happened in kpopper. And I've done that. None of you have ever communicated with me outside of the forums.

But then I started talking with Chris (asiangetokewl) on AIM and it's so easy to talk with him. For once there is someone who understands how I feel. Someone actually knows part of the pain I go through.

And now I feel incredibly vulnerable. Someone understands me. I just feel scared. I don't know why.

Why am I feeling this? Why do I feel so scared?

[Winter]

YEAH I GET U GIRL... THAT U WANT T0 BE FRIENDS WITH HIM AND ST0P THINKING HIM AS UR EX. I GET U. U KN0W IF IT'S G0ING T00 FAR LIKE U CANT ST0P THINKING AB0UT IT... HM... U CAN G0 T0 UR EX AND SAY "GET A LIFE L0SER" L0LS IM JP!!!!! HAHA THAT`Z MEAN I KN0W HAHA I NEVER D0NE THAT L0LS HAHA WH0A I THINK IM MAKING UR IMAGE L00K BAD UH 0H`Z L0LS IM JK...NEWAIS S0 D0 S0METHING THAT U WILL T0TALLY F0RGET AB0UT UR EX... CUS F0R ME... WAT I DID WAS... I YELLED AT MY EX HAHA.... S0 I T0TALLY F0RG0T AB0UT HIM L0LS. CAN U YELL AT UR EX? L0LS THAT`Z WAT I D0... HEH. S0 YEAH FIGHT HIM!!! HAHA G0 BEAT HIS ASS, ASHLEY L0LS!!! 0KAY I'LL BE INN0CENT AND N0T A DEVIL L0LS WELL IM N0T ACTING LIKE A MEAN GIRL, RIGHT? L0LS IM JUS HELPING U!!^^
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Huh... Go jump my ex's a$$? Well to tell you the truth, I'm still holding on, hoping that we'll get back together again one day... Coz we made a pact... That at the end of the year, when my national exam is over and he comes back from the marines, we'd have a talk about 'us'. I know that's still a long time more but I can't help but hope. And my ex and I are still friends. We were friends before we got together, so we remained friends after the break up.

So there is basically no way to get over my ex. I've tried hating him. I've tried crying. I've tried b*tvhing about him with my friends. They all don't work. They all just make me think about him more.