vulnerable Options

[Winter]

I've started posting since like March but I am sure none of you actually really know me. And it's great you know, coz cB has been like an escape for me. cB is where I am able to truly be myself, no mask or anything.

When I got here, I decided to not get involved too much. Like be friends with all these people. I am not doing that again after what happened in kpopper. And I've done that. None of you have ever communicated with me outside of the forums.

But then I started talking with Chris (asiangetokewl) on AIM and it's so easy to talk with him. For once there is someone who understands how I feel. Someone actually knows part of the pain I go through.

And now I feel incredibly vulnerable. Someone understands me. I just feel scared. I don't know why.

Why am I feeling this? Why do I feel so scared?

[Winter]

L0LS WH0A HE L00KS LIKE UR EX?!?!? O_O 0MG REALLIE? L0LS IT`Z 0K. IM N0T G0NA SAY AWW SHES MAD AT ME HAHA. L0LS HMM I THINK THAT`Z Y UR SCARED...0R MAYBE N0T O_O;; AWWW BUT U STILL WANT T0 TALK T0 CHRIS, RIGHT? L0LS THAT S0UNDS FAMILIAR... LIKE WEN MY FRIEND L00KS LIKE THE ENEMY I F0UGHT WITH L0NG TIME AG0 HEH. BUT SHES N0T ENEMY ANYM0RE..SHES UMM.. 0K FRIEND L0LS. NEWAIS U WANT T0 TALK T0 CHRIS STILL RIGHT?
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0R ARE U SCARED CUS... U MIGHT THINK CHRIS AS UR EX, PAUL? O_O; PR0LL THAT... HM

Yeah he does... His eyes and hairstyle are exactly like my ex's. So alike it's scary. If you knew my ex and saw Chris' avatar, you'd freak out too coz they look so alike.

Yes I still want to talk with Chris. He's a really cool guy.

I'm not sure why I feel scared, but I've thought about it. It might have something to do with Chris looking like my ex. I'm scared I'll think of him as my ex. I'm scared I'll use him as a replacement.

Coz the more I see Chris' avatar, the more I see my ex. I was okay with Chris' avatar at first coz it reminded me of my ex in a good way. But now when I see his avatar, I see my ex in him. And now the more I see his avatar, the sadder I become...

I don't understand myself.