If only I were you... Options

[lKVNiiKINKYl]

It is as if everywhere I turn, their eyes just pierce my skin. I have no haven from a pain that is not even real. It isn't something tangible, it is only within my own mind. All I know is the fear and the pain, never the joy, freedom, or happiness. I scrutinize and analyze myself in hopes of uncovering something worthwhile, but all I have uncovered is regret for looking. Maybe I'm not good enough and maybe it's just a sham; this live I live. I want to be need to be loved and admired. I crave for this...attention and when I don't have it jealousy and disgust is what overcomes me. Why don't people obsess over me? Why do people treat me as if I am some monster. I realize I am different and not the average norm in this society, but is it really that bad? I breathe. I eat. I hope. I dream. I love...or at least I thought I loved and right now I only wish i could cast away every single bit of indifference about me because all I want and all I wish for at this point is to conform to society, to be like you.

I wrote this before my sociology class.
A lot of things were going through my mind and I just needed to get it all out. I know, some of it doesn't make sense.

[wishforhelsinki]

um. first & last name please. this is so going on my binder.

[lKVNiiKINKYl]

um. first & last name please. this is so going on my binder.

kevin ung =)

Seems like a blog post... it's writing none the less.. I love the thought you put into this, I like how you compare yourself with the rest of humanity telling the reader that you aren't different.

I like this... it's really interesting... I mean, I would love to know what your going through in life right now... :]

For the past like eight months, I've been doing very routine things. I'm clinically depressed and I have so much going on in my life. I go to high school maintaining a 3.5 GPA. I also go to community college right now and I'm taking two courses so I can get them out of the way for next year. I am working about 30 hours a week every week in one job and I babysit almost every other spare moment I have for a little more money. I basically pay for everything myself as in I bought my car, I pay for insurance, gas, food, books, my college tuition, basically everything imaginable except for heat, electric, rent, and water. I came out of the close about a year ago and after recent events, I am questioning myself and wondering why I ever chose to came out. I am having a great deal of trouble dealing with who I really am. I try to be perfect in every way and when people make one little comment, I tend to overanalyze it and end up making myself feel horrible. I try to force myself to go out with friends, but I always end up canceling because I am afraid I'm going to have fun and enjoy myself. I know this all sounds like your average teenager, but there's a lot more to go into and the plot only thickens from here.

The punctuations and the capitalizations in this piece are lacking. Maybe you typed it in a hurry or something, I don't know. But if you were to hand it in to a teacher, it would be marked off for that.

I like the strength that you give with the "I breathe. I ..." It really gives power to the whole piece. It reminds me of the "I Have A Dream" speech. The repetition of the short and simple "I..." gives a lot of meaning.

Great work.

I'm seriously the worst with grammar so I don't see anything wrong because I don't know what is wrong or right. Haha...but could you explain to me what you meant? I have like, FOB-ish writing and I'm so bad at it.

And thanks for the comments everybody. For some reason, I write a lot better when I'm in one of my "emo" moods. =)