Collapse, a random poem |
| *mishyerr* |
 Feb 14 2007, 09:05 PM
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She sits arched, posed, silent;
her eyes aware of every little second and movement Clenching her head in her hands - She is not resting, Her head held up by the rigidity of her spine. Simply, but quietly her last collapse, her eyes drop Head falls into expectant hands ------- This is a random poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Opinions? |
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| *Kathleen* |
Feb 15 2007, 12:31 PM
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I like it.. except for I'm confused about her position.
 Initially, you say she's posed, then she's clenching her head in her hands.. which makes me imagine that she's leaning forward a bit, but then her head is held up by how rigid her spine is.  Meh. Maybe I'm reading too into this or picking up different connotations. Eek.
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Posts in this topic
mishyerr Collapse Feb 14 2007, 09:05 PM
*.brokendoll.* Good :] Verry good :] great use of imagery Feb 14 2007, 09:07 PM mishyerr It's actually just a girl sitting at her desk;... Feb 15 2007, 09:52 PM Señorita Semi-Automatic I really like your imagery! The subject is als... Feb 20 2007, 12:07 AM
mishyerr QUOTE(Señorita Semi-Automatic @ Feb 20 2... Feb 20 2007, 07:44 PM lalalaLANUH AHH I get it now.
Originally I was with Kathleen. ... Feb 21 2007, 10:10 AM |
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