CONSTRUCTIVE CRITCISM Options

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

When I get home, I know I ain't home at all
CUS HOME IS IN HIS ARMS.
lost in his touch his smell andhis kiss
losin' myself and wondrin' why everything else cant feel as good as this
leave this place with me
we don't need nobody else, just you and i with the world at our feetslip away never come back and lets see what happens when the ends of the world meet
this love would take me farther than my feet ever could

OPEN ROADS, BASS SLAPPIN. STREET CORNERS, BLURRING HIGHWAYS AND LOVERS GETAWAYS. LEAVE THIS PLACE WITH ME, LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH ME, LEAVE THIS LIFE BEHIND, LEAVE.

Eternity will never be enough so just leave this human race with me, and follow me into the sea. We'll drown together and immortalize, leave this town and this human race. we're both better than this. You make it seem, so easy to be alive. But tell me, how exactly am I supposed to seize this day when everything inside of me has died.

Holdin' on to love id never found, clenching my fingers round it and runnin my life into the ground, screaming and crying but nobody ever hears a sound. Slick down your hair and rub at your eyes, inhale and hide behind that disguise, smooth down your shirt and tilt your head back, fool the world with that confidence you lack. Step into the breeze and soak up the sun, fight the despair and wanting to run. Stay with me, I need you to show me how love should be. Carryin' out through the world reachin' out for help but my hands are to myself, my troubles fall on deaf ears, blind eyes and cold shoulders. Hold your head up high, and walk on never needed anyone before, what's going on ? Suck it up and dont keep those eyes dry, press play and surpress the feeling to cry.

Nobody knows but everybody wonders, what goes on to make her so troubled in that world of hers ? Does nobody reach out and ask what's wrong, why does she just place on some headphones and play a song ? What was her childhood like, and why does her smile never reach her eyes ?



I wrote everything, except for the <i>italicized</i>.</font>




I know this is in the wrong place, but all you f**kers never go into writing.
So, I'll put it in here where it will get some quick attention until a mod moves it to writing =D

CC, please.

[HakunaMatata]

I hate to admit it, but that's a smart plan. Next time, though, post in the right thread.

The Lounge >> Writing