Untitled Novel, clocking in at about 23 pages long (MSWord, double spaced) Options

[Thehottness08]

( This is a rough draft of a short novel I'm writing for no particular reason. Yes, it will end up being in the ball park of 100pages long eventually, it's about a third of the way through the rough draft (which is what I'm posting). I just figured I'd throw it out there.)

(Some of you may know me from WAY back when as "CrazayChristian" but I lost my password and changed IP's, this is nowhere near my first post.)

(And excuse the fact that it is all bunched up, the copy->paste from word to here went glitchy and I didn't really want to go through the trouble of double spacing everything perfectly and adding indents. Besides the fact that it looks more intimidating than it is, it should be readable.)

(So far, the feedback from this has been very positive, nothing short of "amazing". They were friends of mine though, so I'd like some unbiased ideas.)

Untitled

Concluding the Overture

I was driving when it transpired. I was just a frivolous being on the road, no one of significance until that day where fate hurtled its merciless self into my life. I could only imagine the glaring passions that flared in my eyes before the tree came into view. I cringe at the thought of that bloodcurdling look in my eyes, full of fury, pleasure, and the most damning of all, envy. You see, I led a life most remarkable. I’m sure you will understand that I mean not to lower any significance your life may hold; I mean only that my life is not emblematic by any stretch of the mind's eye. Odd things happen to me that don't happen to other people with regularity, if ever. Every day to you is just another day, for me, it’s a matter of living and subjugation. My life, however, is not one of romance and enchantment; I lost my faith in magic in about the same time as I lost my faith in God. By all means, I believe in him, but we hold a difference of opinion. I supposed that my family should live, and he thought otherwise. He even has blessed me with a “gift”, as they’ve called it. I was never fond of them; they believed I was some sort of saint, given the ultimate choice of pain. You see, I can’t die, I can’t be hurt, and I can’t be broken by anyone other than myself, so I thought. I’ve no understanding why or how I am, within reason, the way I am. I just knew that death would appeal more to me for that chance to destroy the one thing I hate, the one instigator of exposing me to pain the only way anyone on this earth could. I deviate past my intention of this tale. In this chronicle I’ll reveal what really killed a nobody who couldn’t, supposedly, be harmed.

Home, Temporary Home

I entered upon what would become my new home for the year. A diminutive town in Texas with hardly a thing to do other than eat, sleep, and wake up was perfect. It was entering winter which, even in Texas, was something I had no wish to endure. The cold wind whipped my face while the sun warmed my back and I tried to force myself forward and by. It seemed all my life that I strode into the wind; never caused me any concern and it gave me a sense of bearing. I used my arm to shield my face, the only possessions in my name was this jacket, these cloths, and a messenger back that held some personal belongings. I found a small, family owned convenience store and decided to take shelter in it. Small towns’ folks always had a heart, if only I could reside in one permanently. I entered the store as I did any other, simply by approaching the son of the owner and initiating friendship enough for his family to offer me shelter. It was standard, and with small towns, usually, it always worked. I rang the bell at the front desk and looked out toward the barbershop where the community met and laughed. I felt comfort in their happiness; surely I’ll be able to create that here, happiness. A woman answered, and it took me by surprise. She was about my age, 24-25, blonde hair, blue eyes, very beautiful, but she was of no concern to me. I decided to get straight to business, but she answered first:
“Can I help you?”
I was rather uncomfortable; I’ve never had to work through a middle man. “Yes, I’ve just drifted into town and I’m looking for some help, may I speak with your brother?”
She looked at me in a suspicious manner and replied with the one answer I’d never received in all my years of drifting. “I have no brother…”
I didn’t change at all, I decided I should probably speak to the man of the house then, surely that would work. “May I speak with your father then?” Surely this would work.
“He’s…deceased…”
I couldn’t believe my luck, I couldn’t possibly keep walking to another town and my presence was already known here, it just wouldn’t work. “I’m sorry…maybe you could assist me then.”
She straightened up a bit and asked “How can I help you?”
I spilled the same lie I’ve been throwing around all these years, “My family’s been dead for going on ten years now. I ran from what was my home and have since then been trying to find a place to settle. I was hoping that you might offer me a place to stay while I try to contribute to this town. It’s awfully cold outside and I doubt my chances of making it to the next town without illness are very slim. I’m asking you out of everything I’ve already been through to provide some shelter to me.”
She smiled at me and the look in her eye told me she bought it, these small towns were so gullible and kind. But I felt guilty for deceiving someone with such a childlike ingenuousness around her. She put her hand on my shoulder and she replied with the answer I searched for, but now feared, “Yes, you can stay with my family while you settle yourself.”
I smiled up at her, “Thank you, hopefully I can settle in one place this time.” Then came the typical question:
“What’s your name by the way?”
“Michael J. Godfree” My nerves jumped as I realized what I just did; I can’t believe I had made that mistake. Even the first time I did this, I knew better than to ever give my real name! How could I be so stupid?! Well, it’s done, and I’m sure nothing will happen when the year is done. My natural impulse continued, “And what, may I ask, is yours?”
She looked down and smiled, “Merin”.
“A beautiful name…”

So, it was done, finally I could settle in this small town of Mopac until a year is up. I’ve never lived in a female household, oddly enough I haven’t lived in a household with a daughter, and this might be strange having a female in my age bracket around…

Those Without Pain Never Learn

I made it a point to be handy around the house. Over the years I had learned bits of knowledge from each household on maintaining the environment. With the husband dead it was difficult to learn anything of architectural use, but I have never been so clean in my life. Life around here was fantastic with the “Nut” family. What a bizarre name, “Nut”. I had to stifle my chuckling and play it off as a cough. Mrs. Nut was quite accommodating to my basic needs, and then some. She was almost charmed by me of sorts, always ready to service me when I came home from work and always asking if I needed more. “Don’t worry,” Merin would always say “she does this to all the guests.”
I felt a little awkward being waited on hand and foot. I didn’t expect the house to be this friendly. Shame I couldn’t actually open up to be friendly to these people, I could only be as thankful as I could and pull my weight.
One night, however, I felt the human side of me come out. I couldn’t sleep so I climbed to the roof of the house and I lay there watching the stars. I loved watching the sky; it was the one thing that reminded me of how insignificant my problems really were. From the smallest ant to the tallest sky scraper, the sky would look the same, the stars would shine just as bright, and they would keep on shining no matter what happened in life. I exhaled a cloudy breath into the cool night and I looked out towards the town. The lights were still on in some homes, some sick people I suppose, and dogs continued to howl. I closed my eyes and I sank into night’s cool embrace, suddenly the wind, the insects, the rustle of the leaves were all that existed. The wind was good, the sounds were good, all I knew now was good. It seemed almost as though my past was being flushed from my head. However, I heard a noise at the foot of the roof. Startled, I quickly looked up. It was a ladder, and Merin at the end of it, crying, not yet noticing I was there. When she had reached the top I was at a loss of what to do. I decided to just sit there, although I could have just as easily jumped off the roof. She peered over the edge of the roof and we both were at a loss of words.
“I’m sorry,” we both said in sync “no, you were here first.”
I decided to be the gentleman and begin to walk off. “You look like you need this more than I do.”
“Thanks…” she said.
I was just about to get on the ladder when I saw her tears again. “No! I can’t get attached in any way! I must be prepared to leave this place at any moment, without hesitation.” I screamed this in my head as I knelt by her and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she replied as any woman would “I’m fine.”
Maybe I was born with this charm I never knew I had, or maybe it was living with so many male households that brought me to speak as I did that night. “That doesn’t sound very fine to me. Come now, I’m sure after having to live with me the past 3 months has earned some trust in me. You’ve done enough for me. Now, surrender all those feelings to me, and let me do something for you.” Here I sat, going against everything I’ve done for ten years. I was almost praying she would just shove me away so I wouldn’t have to worry about any attachment growing, as I feared, she didn’t.
She sniffed her nose, rubbed it, and looked me straight in the eye. It was there I knew I was doomed, she was my friend now. She began to speak and her voice broke erratically “It’s T-tom, he b-b-broke up with me, and o-on the phone of all places. I was lucky to conceal it f-from mother, s-he worries too much. I loved him so m-much and now he’s c-cut me off.”
I sat down, not really knowing what to say. I’ve never really been in a relationship and have been so isolated from everyone else that I don’t really fully understand much about them. I had already gotten myself into this conversation, so I might as well try. “Come here,” I said “I want you to see something.” She wiped some tears from her eyes and slid towards me. I pointed to the sky, “You see the stars here? They were the only companionship I ever had before you and your mother. When you look to the sky, life becomes simpler; the problems you harbor are quite humble amongst the stars. You feel comfortable on the top of a roof, you feel warm in the cold wind, and you feel your family while you’re alone. You don’t need anyone else to fill in the holes of your life. If you just sit and watch, all that exists is you and the stars. You hear the beat of your heart, still beating, still pulsing no matter how broken. We as humans don’t like to hear that we’re wrong and we become scared or insecure when we find out that the fundamental truth we’ve held all our lives is a mistake, but in truth it doesn’t matter because as you look to the sky, nothing exists. All of a sudden you’re overcome by the vastness that is a starry sky, the light shades of black and blue speckled with white lights that will always be there; they will never leave you. And with them comes the winds, which even in its harshest gusts can only brush you gently. You can feel the soft brush of its hand across your shoulders, across your neck, on your cheek, and with each breeze you feel even more relaxed, as if someone was protecting you and watching over you. It’s at this time you realize even, if not especially, in the most trying times, you’re not alone.”
She was quiet. I wasn’t sure why, but she just kept looking to the sky, quietly if not in dead silence. I no longer heard the dogs, the insects, the wind, or the leaves. I no longer saw the stars in the sky, or heard the beat of my heart. It was just her, and silence. Time seemed to stop, the anxiety was enough to jump off the roof, but I couldn’t. For some reason, I sat there, hoping that what I said would help, even knowing that it would be better, if it hadn’t. She slid closer to me, still looking to the night sky and said, “Tell me more.”

Friendship, Friends, and the Instigator

A month passed by, spring was coming in, but winter in Texas is always coldest before the spring. Ice sickles hung from the roof of every house, the road was iced so much that no cars could drive. I was walking Merin to the store for food wearing the coat Mrs. Nut so munificently bestowed to me for Christmas. Dorian accompanied Merin and me. He was her best friend who’s been here virtually her entire life. It was a great excuse to separate myself from her. An excuse for her? No, an excuse for me. It took every fiber of my being to leave her; she was the only real friend I’ve had in years, but I knew I couldn’t be tied down to this place, and I couldn’t leave them with the pain of losing me. Dorian was a great help in doing that, but ever since that night on the roof she grew as attached to me as I was to her. Dorian seemed almost…Jealous which was a ridiculous notion from my view. He however, was also my friend, but only as much of a friend as the boy’s I’ve befriended over the years for a home. We walked in a straight line, Merin in the middle of us, like we always did.
Dorian always had a brisk spring in his step. Merin and I always walked pretty slowly while Dorian would walk around us talking about the most random of subjects: “Do you think God makes the clouds into shapes?” “How much wood COULD a wood chuck chuck?” “If you can’t digest wood, can you digest paper?” He was a crazy individual. We continued walking down the road when we saw someone else come from around the corner of the store. Merin grabbed me and put her face into my shoulder. The passer by looked at me and then turned away with a touch of anger on his complexion. After he was behind us I asked Merin what just happened.
“It was him, it was Tom.”
I put my arm around her and gave her a hug, she needed it. The wind blew a little more and specks of sleet pricked my face. Dorian kept eye contact from us, he definitely was uncomfortable with it, I let go.
“Thanks”
“Any time.” As long as I never do it again.
We got to the store and got the groceries, that was the first time I was nearly exposed. A child was playing in the street; family must’ve left him alone. I put my bags on the sidewalk for a second so I could help Merin with her bags and that’s when the car came tearing around the corner. Maybe God was toying with me, maybe it was a freak coincidence, but I acted. I dived toward the child and the car slammed into my side after I pushed him out of the way. I hit a telephone pole with enough force to break a spine clean in half; I didn’t even get a scratch. The car drove off; a hit and run. A broken bottle lay next to my hand, I quickly grabbed it. I hated this part.
I raised the bottle, clenched my teeth and stabbed myself in the leg. The pain was excruciating, I ripped the bottle out and threw it away, just in time. Merin and Dorian were quickly by my side. “Oh my God! What happened?!” Merin was in tears already. God, I hate seeing her like this, but it had to be done and the pain is what I must sow.
“The car just slid me across the ice and I gashed my leg some how.” Gullibility won out again, they bought it. I have little recollection of what happened after that, I must’ve lost too much blood and passed out. The next thing I remember is lying in my room. It was morning; the sun was up just enough to shine through my window into my face. I rubbed my eyes and looked down to see my leg with a large bandage on it, next to it, the worse possible thing. Merin lay by my bedside, passed out with her Rosary in hand. I suppose she was praying for me, like that would really work. I brushed her hair from her face and pushed it behind her ear; she stirred a bit and woke up.
She stretched out and smiled “Hey…”
I found it wise to act in more pain than I really was, I groaned a bit and replied in a shallow voice “Hey…what happened?”
She told me the story just as I remember it; the child, the car, the gash. She told me I had passed out from blood loss; called that one. I had no insurance or means of paying to stay in a hospital, but I was lucky enough to have Mrs. Nut, who practiced as a nurse at the local hospital. She cleaned the gash up and managed it very well, she was so preoccupied with it however, she hadn’t checked to see if I had broken any ribs from the hit. Luckily, that was the purpose of the gash. Breaking a bone is tough work, long healing, and takes time. A gash was convenient enough for me. The incident was two days ago, she said it was strange that I had taken to the painkillers so strongly. “It was almost like you had never taken morphine before.” It’s true; I never had the need for a painkiller.
“My system is pretty clean I guess; hardcore cheap drunk.” I only made that stupid joke so I could cough up a laugh. I did so just as I had rehearsed in the past. And just like in the past, she bought it and that just made the pain worse.
“Mother said that gash would probably keep you off your feet for a few weeks, maybe a month. I couldn’t leave your side until I knew you were alright. God really kept an eye on you this time, a car accident rarely leaves a healing injury like this.”
“Keep and eye on me, yeah, he’s good at that.” Watches over me all the time, and does nothing…
“Just lay back Michael, rest a little longer and we’ll talk later.” She brushed my hair out of my face, like I was her child she was putting to sleep. This intimacy was becoming a little much for me; I just closed my eyes and exhaled. I heard her open the door. Good, I’m glad she’s finally gone.
“Merin…”
She stopped at the door way and turned her head. “Yes?”
“Thanks.”

In my defense…that one slipped out.

Faith, hope and….

Five months since I first arrived, nearly half a year. I waddled around now, not nearly as useful as I use to be. Fortunately I was able to use a cane, her father’s old cane from when he broke his leg. I didn’t think much of it until I realized what level of accepted this family has taken me to give me what once belonged to a father and a husband. I’d live happily, I’m sure, if I could live here, but I can’t, I can’t. Luckily, I was able to maintain my job at the store well enough. Some people found it enticing to know someone so young and fit was temporarily crippled. Their pity was comforting, yet painful.
I just finished up the last shift and I closed up the shop. I turned around and saw something under the light post, a disfigured entity that provoked my curiosity. As I got closer I realized it wasn’t an object at all, it was a stain, a dark red stain. My blood, slung out on the ground, maybe forever. The post I had hit nearly a month ago shone a light directly over the blood that came from my leg. Maybe it was a meta-physical connection, or maybe it was the fact I never had seen that much of my on blood spilled out. It was the first time I saw how close I was to death, and feared it. I couldn’t understand, why now of all times would I fear death after I could only barely resist the taste of it. What changed? Looking back, it was obvious what had changed, I had something to lose. I had the friend, the family, food, and something else. Something I couldn’t explain, it was beautiful, yet ferocious, warm, yet painful, happiness, yet the invoker of trepidation. I didn’t know what could turn my perspective so much, but I turned from that spot on the street and began to limp home. Home, that’s what I call it now.
I could see the lights of the house just down the road, but as my eyes focused I saw a figure walking, no, running in my direction. They were frantic in their strides, they seemed almost like they were falling over themselves while they ran. I was just going to ignore them until I realized who it was, my worst nightmare, Merin. She was running as if her life depended on it, she ran right into me nearly knocking me over. Tears filled her eyes and she couldn’t fit words in between her gasping breaths. My leg held up enough to keep me up. “What’s wrong?” The tone in my voice was so sentimental that you’d think she was my baby sister. That’s when it went wrong. Merin managed to mutter a few coherent words through her sobbing. “Mom….gone…heart….dead…” My heart dropped as I had thought I heard the word “dead” in her voice.
“What?! What did you say?!” I stopped hugging her and had her by the shoulders now, holding her in front of me. “Say it again! What did you say?!”
“She’s dead Michael! Mom is dead!”
I hadn’t even bothered to ask questions, I ran towards the house, the wind kicked the cold flecks of ice into my face and the pain of my leg was almost invisible. I barely realized I was yelling the entire time: “No! You’re not taking this one! You won’t steal from me again!” The wind blew harder, I felt the difference, it was harder to run, but I did. I ran faster than I ever did with two good legs. Merin had left the door wide open; I ran in, the house was cold. Mrs. Nut lay there on the floor of the living room; I could feel death’s icy presence had already taken her. I felt a misty haze overwhelm me as my eyes blurred from the tears. I could do nothing but stand there, like a pathetic child. I could almost hear the voice again, “Hopeless, useless, you did nothing because you can do nothing.” I fell to my knees but I didn’t cry, I didn’t speak, I didn’t breathe. Merin stood behind me, I hadn’t even noticed she’d come in. I didn’t move; I felt as if death stood on my shoulders to hold me down however it could, mocking me. Merin must have realized what I realized as soon as I entered this house; there is nothing we can do. She collapsed on the floor by her mother and cried like she had tears left to cry. I stood, turned, and walked out the door. I wasn’t five feet out the door when my chest flared with pain, and with every heart beat I felt the pain throb with it. I had no idea what was happening, I was on the ground writhing, flailing, grabbing my chest. “I can’t be hurt, I can’t be hurt.” I repeated this as the pain came with each beat of my heart. “What’s happening to me?” Looking back it was clear what was happening to me.
“Michael, no!” Merin was next to me before I knew it, rubbing my chest, trying to get me to relax. She sobbed almost as uncontrollably as she had when I first saw her, “No, not you, I won’t lose you too!” I was hyperventilating; I had never been in danger. “Slow your breathing, please, breathe with me.” She put my hand to her chest and began breathing slow, ragged breaths. I tried to follow her as best I could, but I just couldn’t control myself, I was too scared. Merin was at as much of a loss as I was; she cried harder, I could tell she was helpless. I couldn’t even pretend it didn’t hurt; every thought that ever brought me pain was flying through my head. A blow to the body, a blow to the mind. It was almost as if something possessed me and was torturing me everyway it could. Then, as if God finally made me suffer enough, a look of surprise came across her face. I say surprise, but it was inspiration. She grabbed my face, “Michael, look up at the sky, look at the stars. Remember the stars? Remember the wind?” I gazed up at the stars, behind her. Everything faded into the background, almost like it was in slow motion. The motion of her hand on my chest, the wind blowing across my face, the pace of breath she took all became a symphony. I not only slowed down my breath, but stopped entirely. I closed my eyes and got sucked into my past, the fire, the people, my family, it all spun around in my head.
“No…” I whispered, the pain had left and I had stopped hyperventilating. “No…no!” I sprang up quickly in a cold sweat. Merin moved back just in time. I took a few gasps of air and wiped the sweat from my eyes. I cast my eyes to her’s, she stared back at me, neither of us knowing what to say. A few moments went by and she hugged, nay, tackled me to the ground and began sobbing again.
“I thought I had lost you too, you’re the only family I have now!” She pressed her face into my shoulder and cried. I held her as I lay there on the ground in awe. I knew now that even when the year ended, I couldn’t leave. I held her in my arms, scared to death of her, of this place, of what might happen and yet I felt it again, whatever was missing before.
Through her, through her mother, through this town, and through everyone in it, I felt what was missing. Merin lay bawling on my shoulder and I couldn’t fear it, no matter how much I sought to. She had captivated me, body and soul and from that day forward I never want to be parted from her or this place. In fear, all I had to fear, she exposed me to the one thing I’ve evaded all my life. I could feel her heart beat against mine, I could sense her mother’s hand on my shoulder, and everything of my past had left me to the tragic, beautiful realization of God’s greatest gift that had been stolen and veiled from me all my life. No orator, no writer, no being on this earth could put into words what I felt that night, and I’m sure you would concur that it is unfeasible the pin words on the elusive marvel that over hung me that night. It was a wish that you hide in your heart, and nobody knows about it but you. It was blinding, an eternity in an instant, a religion worth dying for.
I embraced her and cried, not in sorrow, not in ache, not in rage. No, I cried in the sheer joy I felt. Through the fear she brought me, I saw now what I really wanted. She was the only one that could open my eyes and though the stars now were shadowed by the clouds, she was there and all the light I’d ever need.
What greater fear, feeling, and pain do we hold than that to Love?

A Bird in the Hand…

A week had passed and the funeral was just a few days ago. Her death couldn’t have been coincidence; Merin had no way of helping her. The phone line was disconnected by a fallen tree that morning; I was planning to fix it that night. The tires had been slashed by someone that night and the engine wouldn’t start. Someone had a hand in it, I could see through it clearly, a warning. Done by a man, and inspired by something greater. I looked to the sky and said only loud enough for me to hear, “Trying to have a hand in my life are you? What do you think I have to gain by leaving this place? You’ve taken this woman in vain, I can’t leave this place. You want to help me then help me, but don’t take them from me.” I guess when you don’t fear death, you stop fearing God. I felt abandoned, but this made me realize I was wrong; I wasn’t abandoned, I was being toyed with. Why else would I be blessed with friendship and cursed with death? “You won’t scare me away.” I turned away from Mrs. Nut’s Grave and began to walk back home, cane in hand. Dorian was already waiting at home; he seemed to always be there after Mrs. Nut’s death. I assumed it was just because he cared for Merin’s wellbeing and emotional state after her mother’s death. I clambered up the steps and entered the house; Dorian was helping Merin cook dinner. Merin looked up and cracked a smile at me, and I to her. That night outside was still seared into my memory, and I would be lying to say I believed it left hers. I hung my jacket up and took my shoes off, “I locked up early today, everyone refused to buy from us for at least another week; they didn’t want us working in our state of mourning. The donations could last us at least two weeks of no sales alone, so it shouldn’t be a hassle.” Yet another reason I could not leave this place.
Merin washed her hands off and walked towards me, “Yes, well you shouldn’t be working at all; you should be keeping off that leg. Sit down, you’ve already made it worse, walking around doesn’t help torn muscle.” She tried to lead me to a chair, but I wasn’t in pain at all.
I took her hands “Don’t worry; I’m much more interested on what you guys are doing behind the counter than sitting around all day.” She’s learned by now that I was much too stubborn in these situations to argue with. She helped me over to the counter and it was just me, her, and Dorian, who didn’t say a word…unusual. I decided to chop vegetables; it’s common sense to give the one who can’t be cut a knife.
Merin decided to cut the silence, “Watch yourself, we wouldn’t want to lose a finger and a leg.” She said in such a jocular manner.
“Because of course my finger does resemble a carrot, right?” It felt good to be playing games again; I hadn’t done this in a while. Dorian however, remained silent. This was so unlike him, he always had something to say and this conversation was right up his alley. He was just on about his business. I decided to get him into the conversation. “Dorian, what do you think? How long until my thumb is up for dinner?”
I could have sworn I saw him flinch when I spoke to him; what had he to fear? “Oh, Um, I’d give it two shakes of a tail feather!” he laughed nervously. My years of drifting and lack of communication seriously honed my intuition on human nature. Dorian had something to hide. I didn’t realize I was looking him square in the eye and he at me. I could nearly taste the fear in his eyes and hear the flares of his breath. I must have intimidated him by mistake, he quickly made his excuses to get out, “Oh no, I believe I’ve forgotten that my mother wanted me to help her with her…thing! I’ve got to go.” He fumbled around for his coat and made a bee-line to the door.
Merin either didn’t catch on or ignored it “Oh, well, bye!” she yelled as Dorian scrambled out the door.
Well, it was just me and her now, cooking. Being in this household for nearly half a year; I knew my way around a kitchen. It was pretty silent for the most part. I knew this was typical, most talking in these towns and households are held during the meal at dinner. Merin definitely had inherited her mother’s ability to cook, I could almost hear her mother’s voice “Now son, you can’t cut it too big or too small, it’s a loving eye for detail that will make anything work.” I chuckled a bit.
“What are you laughing at Michael Godfree?” She’s gotten a new habit of addressing me by my full name.
“Just something your mothers use to always tell me.” You’d think that talking about Mrs. Nut would be hard for Merin, but she took it unusually well in the moment. I knew later she’d be on the roof though, and I didn’t have anymore charm to sprinkle over this.
“Well, this stew looks like it’s about ready to hit the table, why don’t you go fix up the table and I’ll get the food?” Of course I was going to; I had one good leg and one free hand, not much else I could do. As I approached the table I set up our usual seats, the head ends of each table were left open; I sat on left, Merin on right. That’s how it’s always been. I set it up that way and Merin brought the bowls of stew in; but she didn’t put them where I set the silverware, no, she put one at each head of the table. She moved the silverware accordingly and sat down without saying a word about it. After a while I got the message and sat down as well. The wind picked up outside like all hell was breaking loose.
“Sounds like a storm, did the radio say anything?”
“Nope” Merin didn’t make eye contact, she seemed different, overshadowed. For a few minutes we ate in silence, and I, against my better instinct broke it.
“Mind telling me why we moved the seats?” It was as if she was waiting for me to ask, her posture, her face, her eyes all were back to normal.
“It’s just proper, the man and the woman of the house sit at the head of the table.”
I’ll admit, I choked a bit on this thought, “Man? I’ve barely been here half a year; do I qualify as the ‘Man’ of the house?”
“Michael, as long as you live under my house, you’ll live under my rules, now eat.” I knew she was only somewhat joking with that, but this was waving a red flag right in my face. I just realized that it was true, I’m now the man and she’s the woman of the house; but what does that mean? I’ve been doing what I could to work and provide already, but I’ve never been given such a title, ever. Thoughts blazed through my head during the meal.
Merin must’ve sensed something because she began to chuckle, “Calm down Michael, you’re not engaged to me or anything, you’re just the only man that lives under this roof.” I chuckled a bit and kept eating. I knew well enough that that wasn’t all she meant by my being the “man of the house”. I decided to cut the silence, again.
“How was your day?” I expected the usual “fine” but it seems she had some difference today.
“It was quite good actually, while you were at work Dorian was here helping around the house. He wasn’t as handy as you, but he seemed very eager to help.” This seemed like small talk, we never have a silence unless something is wrong. It’s not her mother; she had a look of blissful anxiety in her eyes. She wanted to get something off of her chest.
I decided to take a shot at it, “Is that all?”
“Yes…” She was a terrible liar, but she’d never admit that.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course, maybe you should stop suspecting so much of me and take my word.” She was definitely eager to say something, but apparently now was not the time to ask of it.
“Ok, I’ll leave it at that.” I decided to change the subject, “It’s been a while since I’ve had my injury, and I can nearly manage without the cane now. Hopefully I’ll be able to fix some things up soon like the fence, the shed, and…the roof.” This brought a sort of mist into Merin’s eyes. I should have known better I suppose. The strain was a little much and I could sense Merin was about to shatter under pressure, so I thanked her for the food and left the table, she didn’t move at all. I climbed up stairs to my room and collapsed on my bed, it was only seconds after that that I heard the door down stairs shut. She’d gone to the roof again. I knew that there was something I probably could do to help, but even though I did love her, I still didn’t want to ruin what we had. “No, you can’t do this, there’s nothing you can do, let her work it out herself. It’s her problem, her sorrow; don’t let yourself get into it!” I once again screamed this in my head as I put on my coat and shoes and went outside to the roof. She was there as I had predicted, crying in her arms. She hadn’t even taken the time to put a jacket on in this freezing weather. I put a hand on her shoulder and she shoved me off.
“No! Leave me alone!” I didn’t understand at that time why she’d do such a thing, but that was because I assumed she was crying because of her mother.
“Merin, it’s alright…she’s in heaven now.”
“Oh Michael, I’m not crying over Ma’s death, she told me this would happen and she always had me ready for that. Ever since Pa died I promised myself not to be close to anyone, not anyone! It only brought pain to me knowing my loved ones would die!” I was baffled, if not for her mother; then what could bring her down so much?
“Merin…what’s wrong?”
“Can’t you see Michael? You are! You came into this town and I took you in out of pity, and ever since that night on this roof you’ve found your way into my heart, the dark side where I’ve kept everything true and believable. I couldn’t help it because I couldn’t see it until that night you could have died with Ma. I didn’t know what to do and I realized that if you died, you’d take a piece of my heart and all the hope of ever loving again. I couldn’t lose you; you really are the only family I have. And every time I think about you I remember that night and how one day you might not come home! You might not come back! I’m up here because you’re what I want because you’re what I’ve lost!”
I think speechless denies the true clout of any word that was to describe the state of being I had reached in that moment. Merin lay in front of me in tears and I could only sit there basking in her eyes. What was I to say? I didn’t know.
“I Love you.” This was it; we were both here in our most vulnerable state, laying everything out, a gamble of hearts. She wiped her eyes and sat up, looking me in the eye, a certain glimmer was there I hadn’t seen before. She took my hand, and I pulled her up to her feet. We stood in front of each other and it was a moment where fate would be pushed to its limits. What ever happened in the next moment would enlarge or annihilate all we’ve gained this half-year. In that instant, for whatever reason, I made my choice.

I let go of her hand. I put it to her back and pulled her closer ever so slowly, she didn’t resist at all; her choice was made as well. I brushed her cheek with my hand and smiled; I put my hand to the back of her head, cradling it and leaned in slowly. She did the same. When our lips touched it was as if the heavens had sealed a pact. The wind blew around us and the night slowed steadily. The wind vanished, the stars vanished, the sounds vanished, and all that was left was her. Even in the freezing cold, I felt the warmth pulse through her hands and what I could only describe as passion that stood between is. I could feel the beat of my heart thump harder, faster, stronger. When we released she sighed and smiled; she laced her fingers into mine, and walked to the ladder.
We entered the house and I was about to head to my room, but Merin stood outside hers and called, “Michael…”
I turned around, “Yes?”
“Stay with me?” I realize you trust you discern what happens next, but that’s not the case at all. I lay on her bed, propped up a bit with pillows; she put her head on my chest and fell asleep. I was wide awake for a while, just now taking in all that had happened. Eventually, I found myself asleep.


Fire was all around me, I could hear them all screaming. The screeches still haunt me like a phantom of death stalking its prey. I crawled through the flames painfully and was outside after crawling an eternity through hell. A man picked me up and threw me to the floor, firing his gun into my frail body. I stood up only to be kicked in the stomach, picked up, and thrown back into the fire. I woke up when I hit the floor after I had fallen off the bed. Merin chuckled a bit, saying I had been restless. She came down to the floor, covered us with the blanket, laid her head on my chest and was asleep again. I still remember that day…

I’ve walked through scalding flames, I’ve held clumps of burning rock in my bare hands, I’ve literally been rolled through a blazing inferno, but as I lay on the cold hard floor with my poignant girl…

…I’m warm.

[HakunaMatata]

I've only read the first two chapters, and I like it. My only complaint is the use of "?!" in one of the sentences. Other than that, it's coming along very well.