Untitled poem |
 Dec 27 2006, 04:41 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 41 Joined: Dec 2006 Member No: 490,372  |
Empty smiles filling voids,
illusions of the truth shadows on the walls at night, drain away my youth. walking without waking waking without wanting scare away my angels as the devil comes a-haunting. tell myself that it will last, as hopes are growing thin force myself to make it through I break out another grin. Empty smiles filling voids, illuding to the truth shadows on my walls tonight, draining away youth. ---- Any criticism is welcomed. |
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Dec 28 2006, 07:26 PM
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#2
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 I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the thrills I will have. Group: Member Posts: 624 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 445,743 |
It's very good. It flows very well, and I don't really have any criticism. The only thing is that in the second line of the last stanza, "illuding" is supposed to be spelled as "eluding." But I really loved your poem, you should post some more.
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Posts in this topic
bexxx Untitled poem Dec 27 2006, 04:41 PM
Jackaroe I love rhyming poems! At times, some poems obv... Dec 28 2006, 05:56 PM
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