Untitled poem |
 Dec 27 2006, 04:41 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 41 Joined: Dec 2006 Member No: 490,372  |
Empty smiles filling voids,
illusions of the truth shadows on the walls at night, drain away my youth. walking without waking waking without wanting scare away my angels as the devil comes a-haunting. tell myself that it will last, as hopes are growing thin force myself to make it through I break out another grin. Empty smiles filling voids, illuding to the truth shadows on my walls tonight, draining away youth. ---- Any criticism is welcomed. |
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Dec 28 2006, 05:56 PM
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#2
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 ˇLa Reina del Mundo! Group: Member Posts: 205 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 415,882 |
I love rhyming poems! At times, some poems obviously show some struggling with the rhymes, but yours flows very well.
The only suggestion I have is for the last line of the last stanza. I think "drain" is better than "draining." But it's only a suggestion. Keep writing! |
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Posts in this topic
bexxx Untitled poem Dec 27 2006, 04:41 PM
femme_fatale4160 It's very good. It flows very well, and I don... Dec 28 2006, 07:26 PM |
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