Well, I'm going to post one of mine..., (Holly you can read and post if you like) Options

[*Uronacid*]

Well here's whats up... This is my piont of veiw... not Holly's, I guess I really don't know Holly's, but I'm searching for advice... I don't care if she sees me talking about the situation, because I guess we don't personally know anyone, and really I'm just looking for advice because I just want our relationship to be better. I will think about all the advice you guys give me, and argue with you to find out wether you r advice is good or not. Everything is appriciated. So, if she does get angery (which I don't think she will). She'll only be getting mad at me for trying to make things better... and that doesn't ake any sense... O_o *sigh* I think to much. I know many of you are going to tell me I'm an a-hole... if that's the case, I don't mind. The only think I ask is that you tell me how you all think that I could make the situation better.

First I'll give you a little backround on me:

I am Josh:
-I am 20.
-I am wild.
-I do crazy things all the time. Like dance, get drunk, go out of the house for weeks at a time spending the night atfter night at friends house after friends house.
-I have a job, and I make about $500 every two weeks.
-I work part time but only because I goto college at ITT (mid-qway through my second year.), and keep my grades at an 80 or higher (50% of my grades are 4.0's).
-I have 3 speeding tickets, a cell phone ticket, and I know my lawyer very very well....
-I'm very laid back, nothing has to be perfect for me, but I would like it to be good.
-I'm a big thinker. I anaylize everything, and think abotu everything to fines possible detail that I can come up with.
-I try to think out side the box, and understand everything about everything.
-I'm impacient, but Holly has deffinitly turned me into a more pacient person.
-I tend to talk down to people... but I don't do it on purpose.
-I'm extremely an quick thinker. I think so friggin fast, but I love people that make my thoughts freeze.
-I love it when people prove me wrong, or when people say things that shut me up because I realize how wrong I am.



Well, anyways... here's what I'm stressing about:

Oct, 3rd 2005 was the first day we had ever talked to eachother. I don't know... well, it was kind of special to me. I guess I was expecting to talk to her for a little bit at least. Almost like a happy birthday phone call, and then let her go if she was doing something... I called her and left her a nice voice mail, "I love you, and *something about it being one year adn that I was happy*... have a great day. :D". I called her up at about 4:00PM, to see if she had gotten home from school... but there was no answer. So, I was like... oh well, she's probably doing something. I waited, went out with some friends, and called her at about 6:00PM... no answer... alright, w/e... probably still busy, but I was really excited. So I went and played some games with my friend and watched some movies with my family, and called her at about 10:00PM... still no answer, but I guess I was getting dissapionted... I figured she fell asleep, but it only made me feel worse because I felt like she didn't care. It made me think, Maybe, it's not a big deal.. maybe I shoudln't have cared so much. I got a little bit worried, and though to myself... God, I'm calling her like a maniac... I shouldn't have called her so much... I stoped and thought to myself some more. I thought about this thing that one of my co-workers said to me. If you love just call her... if she loves you and your freaking out abotu something and you need to talk, she'll understand I decided to call one more time, but I would wait until it was late. It was about 12:00am and I decided to call one more time. I left a voice mail... and said, "Good night, Sweet Dreams, I love you."... I decided to call one more time, and then she picked up. She sounded tired, and said, "Oh, hey... I was sleeping..." I told her I only wanted to say good night, said it, and let her go. I felt bad for waking her up. I played some more games with my friend Jake, and went to bed.

I didn't realize how it had effected me until the next day, when I just let her call me. I was kinda quiet. She kept asking me what was wrong, and I told her nothing was wrong.... I just wanted to get over it because I felt as if I was being completely rediculous. I was afraid that if I told her, she would sit there and not say anything after I said everything. There is nothing that hurts more than saying how you feel and having someone not say anything back. I told her how I felt, and she said, "Well, don't worry about it. Just tell me."...

I told her I felt stupid. I felt like I expected to talk to her and I felt dumb for expecting that. I know that it may have been more important to me than it was to her, and that I felt as if I had only let myself down.

Now, if you know me, you would realize that if you say something. I will always say something back, and if I don't say something back when I'm hurtin it usually means that you said the right thing. I'm also mean...

She replied, "Well, I wanted to talk to you"
I said, "Then why didn't you call?"
She said, "I was mowing the lawn, I was tired... and I went to bed."
I said, "That shows how much you wanted to."
I know that wasn't right... ugh, why the hell did I just say that.
Her,"Well, I didn't think it wasn't important."
Me, "Well, if it was important then why didn't you return my call."


So, after I said that... she was completely quiet... I know what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear her say something like, "Hey, I'm sorry... I didn't know, I love you." Maybe not in those words, but I knew that if she said that... It would make me instantly better. I sat there on the phone and didn't say anything for a while.

"Well?", She said
"What? I already told you how I feel", I said
"What are you thinking?", She replied.
"I didn't want this to happen... that's why I wasn't going to tell you..."

*silent*

I started to get frustrated, and whated to go because it was so quiet... the silence was killing me... "I have to go, silence doesn't help... I'm sorry..."

"Ok...", in a whimpery kind of voice.

Ugh... she's sad... I shouldn't go, if I go she'll probably just feel like I don't care... DAM IT!

I sat on the phone...

"Why aren't you going?", again in the tiny voice.

*silence*

"I want to end this on a good note... What are you thinking?"

*silence*

I was starting to get annoyed to I said: "I told you what I was thinking... so, cmon, it's only fair... tell me what your thinking..."

"I'm not you."

I replied, "Well, yeah, but it was difficult for m to say what I said.... but I sucked it up and said it. I told you how I feel."

"I'm makeing a descision."

"What are you asking yourself?"

"I can't tell you..."

"Does it have anything to do with me?"

"Yeah, but mostly it has to do with me..."

"Yeah, well most of the descisions I make about our relationship have to do with mostly me... I mean, I can't make descisions for you...", if that makes sense... Maybe, I'm a typical guy. Ugh...

I faught for a while trying to find out what the descision was... frustrated... I asked her if she felt overwhelmed and if she wanted a break. She asked me what a break was. I told her, "It's a period of time where you would be able to think about things without me influencing your descisions.". She told me she didn't want to. She's afriad I want a break, I thought to myself. "Well, I don't need a break. I'm jsut asking if you want want one. I just feel like you're so overwhelmed, and you may want one." She replied with a simple, "no."

I was so frustrated and confused. So, decided to ask if she was questioning our relationship. She said that she wasn't. Keep in mind, I wasn't happy... I was in a really bad mood, and I didn't sound very happy either.

I was so annoyed... God, I was going insane in my head... silence makes me absolutley nuts... My mind thinks at warp speed, and I have no idea how to control it. Silence only makes it worse.

If I'm in a good mood it makes me think abotu good things... If I'm in a bad mood it makes me think about bad things... It's a plague. At times it's so bad that I literaly avoid reading Holly's posts because I'll just get upset if I'm in a bad mood. After a while, it was just rediculous... we are both tottally different people on CB. It's weird, I see her post her thoughts and feelings about issues, and it just makes me more frustrated because I sit there and think... How can she say that when she doesn't practice that herself!!! So, I jsut avoid reading things when I'm mad at her... It's better for the both of us I think.

Anyways, she said, "You sound tired, you should goto bed..."
I told her, "I'm not tired, don't pin this on me... if you want to goto bed... then goto bed."
She says, "Well, can I goto bed?"
I say, "Sure... I would rather just fight this out though. It's not my descision. I can only move if you move."
"Well, good night..."

I stop her, and say," Before you goto bed, I'm not calling you tomarrow. Not because I don't want to talk to you, but I want to giv you a break if you need it. If you don't want to call or talk to me. That's fine. If you want to talk to me. That's fine too. It's entirely up to you. I don't need a break, but you seem really over whelmed so. This is what I'm doing. Next time you call me... I'm going to ask you about this friggin question."

We exchange good-nights, I-love-you's, and goto bed...

The next day she calls me at about 9:00PM, I'm dropping my friend of at his house, and I can't talk right now. I tell her I love her, and I tell her I'll cal her in a little bit. I think it's rude to talk to someone on the phone while you're at someone's house. So, about 30-45 minutes later I call her on the way home. I talk for a while, jokeing around and such. I told her I was going to ask her so I was true to my word. She ignores the fact that I said anything and starts talking about some thing asking me if I can relate to it. I really didn't know what she was talking about, but I wanted to understand so I said. "Well, I don't know... either I'm just not understanding or you have to explain it in a way so that I can understand." It really seemed like she was beeting around the bush. Like something had happened in real life, but she was making up all this hypothetical situations just to avoid telling me the truth. So, I came out and said, "Look, rather than telling me all these hypothetical situations... why don't you just tell me what really happened?"

"I can't."

I instantly feel the burn. I'm so frustrated... NOT AGAIN... GOD DON'T DO THIS AGAIN

I calmly say, "Why not?"

"I don't want you to think anything."

That make's so frustrated because I feel as if she would just tell me in the first place, without thinking abotu it. Then I wouldn't think about it because she wouldn't be leading on like it was a big deal or anything.

We end up getting into a fight similar to the other one... it lasts abotu an hour.... and I end up telling her, "look... don't call me until you're willing to talk to me about both of those things... I'm so sick of you bringing things up and droping them. It's so annoying. If your going to bring something up, then talk about. I'm serious, it really bothers me, I'm not caling you either. If it takes a week, I don't care, if it takes 2 weeks I don't care. I'm sick of this. You do it way to much. I feel like I hit a brick wall when I'm in a conversation."

I feel like I messed up, but I will not call... I will hold true to my word. What do I do...

What I want:
Man... I guess I jsut have no idea what's going on... I wish I knew so it wasn't so scarey

[***Lucy**]

Oh, Josh...
I can feel you, I know you are confused..It's difficult when aperson who's talkative and all has to understand sb who's the exact oppsite..

But you have to try.. Because you love her.

-I do feel like she does it on purpose.
-I feel like she's just being a jerk on purpose.
-I get mad, because I don't understand. At the same time, she won't help me undertand.
-She is a quiet person.
-I'm probably not doing the best thing.
-I don't understand her.
-I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do in those situations... should I just drop the subject?

-She may feel like I don't care because I'm bugging her about it...
-She may think that I'm breaking up with her or something, because I'm not being myself.

-she doesn't do it on purpose she tries hard and probably she feels guilty when she knows u wanna know how she feels but she can't tell you
-You want Holly to make you understand her. But it isn't easy for her to express her feelings and trying to make you understand her is for her probably the same difficult.

I'll tell u sth:

When she tries to open up even slowly, even using hypothetical situations you should help her. You really can help her. Be calm, patient and pay attention to what she's telling you. Don't get mad, don't tell her to leave hypothetical situations. Be patient and make her feel safe. Don't press her. If she stops talking then don't ask her again. She's not stupid she understands u still wanna know. So u should understand that when she will be able she will tell you.

What most quite people are afraid of(me too) is that if they don't talk then the others will get mad and leave them. But then it becomes even worse when this really happens. I mean it's awful. I've felt it many times. You wanna speak but you can't and you know you're losing sb u love. BUT YOU REALLY CAN'T HELP KEEPING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR FEELINGS INSIDE. And then you even prefer being left alone instead of talking.

Josh sweetie look, when you scream to her "talk" and such things Holly doesn't talk because she probably feels unsafe, YOU MADE HER SAD and she knows that actually you are kinda right as she doesn't help you much. And then you're like "i love u". She doesn't reply because she's sad and also because two minutes before you were yelling at her to speak and open up. But if you wanna show how much you really love her(i'm sure u love her a lot) u need to be calm. Quiet people hate fights. You may think that fighting will help YOU but it isn't helping much her. I guess she probably hates it when sb yells at her. That's exactly how I feel. When sb yells at me, I feel a lot of psychological presure.

She probably thought that sth was going wrong because u stop asking her about her feelings, out of the blue, w/out explaining her that u were trying to help.


You shouldn't have told her that if she doesn't talk to u about that thing she wanted to, you ain't gonna call her again!!!!!!!!!!! That was A HUGE MISTAKE (imo always)

It was like I was telling Aaron that if he doesn't stop painting the couches, he won't eat candies again. I mean, it was a bit immature what u did. But i do understand u.

I understand why u want to follow your word. BUT DON'T DO THAT JOSH! iT'LL BE THE WORST THING YOU COULD EVER DO TO HOLLY.Since you told her that thing I'm sure she's been crying, she's sad, she's psycholgically stressed and she is under so much pressure. So stop torturing her. Call her and apologise(it's never too late) tell her that u worry when she doesn't open up but u'll try to support her and u won't get frustrated again. Tell her that u never stop caring about her but you'll try not to be so annoying when she wanna tell you sth. AND FOR GOD'S SHAKE DON'T ASK HER AGAIN WHAT SHE WANTED TO TELL YOU!

I don't know if it's good for her to let it out, or keep it in. Maybe I'm the one who needs the break, so I can see what I'm doing wrong and correct my mistakes.

If you tell her that u need a break, I'll smack you!!!!!!!!