Your opinions?? Options

[misfit]

Ok I just found out my boyfriends friend,who is a girl,has been saying shit behind my ack,not to him though.She said(not to me, i was told this and i have proof that she actually did say it)..anyway she said that my bf's mum doesn't like me,that he's mum wishes he wasnt with someone who has a million problems & that she was dissapointed when she met me & wishes that my bf and the other girl were together instead. She also said that I have anxiety attacks for attention and all this other shit. I havent been in a good way lately, so naturally, I didnt take it all to well. I rang my boyfriend crying. He says he doesn't know what she is on about but none of what she said is true. And I said so you're going to keep been friends with someone who upset your girlfriend and betrayed her?And he goes im not going to lose a good friend over it. I wasn't expecting him to, but I thought he'd atleast stand up for me and tell her off? But instead it's like he defended her and got mad at me and told me to ignore it and that the other girl was just being ridiculous. Then he text messages me saying "I have spoken 2 her before and she said sorry and that she didnt mean to course shit she was just talking to that girl about her problems and over exagerated things and she said about she didnt mean it and shes sorry now,im not going to lose a friend over it good night"


Sorry but I dont get it. He's other friend said im shit once,he then yelled at his friend and didnt talk to him for two weeks. Yet it's like what his so called friend has said,is nothing?Fair enough eh doesnt wanna lose a friend but what he's gonna let her get away with it?People have said she must just be jelous,but I dont see how, she's in love with this other guy,she's obsessed with him. And my boyfriend wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole. She's very unattractive btw. And she also sent me a message saying half of what I said to you isn't true just so you know...

I mean wtf did I do to her?And I had spoken to my bfs mum about it and she said,i've never said that and i dont know where she has pulled that from. I thought he's mum would be like WHAT?? I dunno maybe I just see things different,maybe my boyfriend doesnt want to put up with this shit, but im upset and she doesn't deserve to get away with it, coz sorry doesn't cut it after what she's made up. Next time she could just do it all again and she would be the reason my boyfriend and I are fighting, again.

His sister said that he likes to avoid conflict but I dunno, I know he's really tired lately,but it's like he defended her and said she's always there for him and shit and got mad at me...

I can't win.Opinions?

[*Uronacid*]

Uronacid

Don't judge me.

Well, I didn't judge you at all. This section of the site is ment for advice, and that's what I gave you.

You don't know the whole story, you don't know me, don't say shit when you don't know it.

Did I say I expect people to do this and that.NO.

I only know what you told me. Again, this website is for advice. If you didn't want opinions than why did you set "Your Opinions?" as the topic title.

I was upset and I was looking at all the negative. Analyzing every single thing. Thinking to myself, if he's mum just didn't really react does it mean that some of it is true?

Right, and this is a great example of you needing to work on your communication skills. How am I supposed to read your mind? You have to say things for us to help you. I had no Idea that was what you ment by it. If you had explained that instead of letting me assume it I may have understood. I did assume, but i apparently missunderstood you. This is a result of bad communication.

What you say is wrong. Lol deal with conflict, I know how to. When i'm upset, i'm not going to ignore something, sorry, you must be a person who keeps your feelings in. Oh wait, no you're probably not, because I don't know you. And I shouldn't judge you.

No, I'm not saying you keep things in, but I am sayign that there is a right and a wrong way to let them out.

I come here for advice, not to be criticized and talked to like i'm a peice of shit.

This is my advice. I didn't mean to talk to you like you were a peice of shit... I'm sorry that you felt that way.

I was not wanting him to not be friends with her. But after he yelled at his friend for saying im shit and didnt talk to him for 2 weeks, it obvioously makes me think, well hey, what's the difference with her.

It seems like his friend told him you were shit to his face and he flipped out over it. I guess I would flip on someone if they told me that Holly was nothing but shit. There's a big difference between hearing someone call your girl friend shit with your own ears and hearing about someone who was calling your girlfriend a piece of shit. Also, this girl appologized for what she said. He probably forgave her. Does that mean that he has to excommunicate her for a straight week just to make you feel better?

He does know what i'm thinking. I told him.
If one of my friends said shit about him, i'd stand up and say something.
But it was like she can just get away with it and upset me again.
I wasn't expecting him to do anything, but the fact that he wasn't doing anything, upset me and made me think he didn't care.

Alright, I completey understand you now, but you have to understand that he did do something about it. He went directly to the girl, and she appologized for it. It seems like you just want her to feel the same way that you did. That's wrong. When people say that their sorry, you have to forgive them. If she does it again. Deal with it then.

Also, why should you worry about what she says? If she consistantly talks about you in a negative way behind your back then your boyfriend will eventually find out, and deal with it a little more harsh like. Even if he doesn't find out, should you really stress out about it if he doesn't know? It's really your problem, and not his. It seems like you're just pinning it on him because she's your boyfriend's friend. What if you didn't have a boyfriend, and this girl was saying things behind your back? How would you handle the situation then?

Just by what you said above, it's very clear that you are expecting your boyfriend to do things. You're expecting him to do what you would do. He isn't you. I know you say that you arn't expecting him to do something, but you are. Look, "the fact that he wasn't doing anything, upset me", and, "If one of my friends said shit about him, i'd stand up and say something." These two sentances scream, "I EXPECT THIS!!!!" I understand why you would expect him to do something, but you can't.

I personally believe you should do one of two things:

Swallow your pride, and get over this.

-or-

Talk to the girl one on one, and say something like, "Look, I'm sorry, I should have come to you about this. I thought I over heard you talking about me behind my back. It really offended me. I should have come to you about it instead of going to my boyfriend. I would rather be on good terms with you, and I'm sorry about all this drama." If you say something like this it will completely dissarm her. Wait, give her a chance to say something, but if she doesn't say anything don't worry about it. If she says something don't get defensive, just listen. If she doesn't say anything just politely say, "Alright, well.. have fun sorry about this whole mess." MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE ON A GOOD NOTE.


I do wish the best for you. I only said what I said in hope that you would learn from it.

[***Lucy**]

MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE ON A GOOD NOTE.

That's right. I mean, talk to her but be friendly and all. Don't yell, don't be mean/defensive, leave on a good note and she'll stop doing things like that.

[*Uronacid*]

That's right. I mean, talk to her but be friendly and all. Don't yell, don't be mean/defensive, leave on a good note and she'll stop doing things like that.

:] exactly :D