Disgusted with yourself..., yeah.. Options

[expoised]

Have you ever done something that seemed fun and okay to do at the time, but later on regretted it so much that you're just completely disgusted with yourself?


Like... My first kiss (not counting anything before 2nd grade, lol) was a bus-dare while we were on a field trip (8th grade). The guy was okay-looking but I hardly knew him at all and I was so anxious to actually kiss somebody that I was just like "okay" and I did. We ended up making out the rest of the ride back... and the next day back in school, we resumed ignoring each other.

I really regret wasting my first kiss on something stupid like that.




There's also the fact that I'm more relaxed around guys and whenever I talk to my guy-friends, I tend to be more... not as clean as I'd like to be. And when we're talking everything's okay... we crack dirty jokes, talk about stuff that I would normally just keep quiet about. But then, when I'm alone and I'm thinking back on the day, I find myself going "Why the hell did I say that?" and being completely embarassed despite the fact that it already passed and I'm alone.


Ugh.



I'm sick of being completely disgusted by the things I do. And I keep telling myself that next time, I'll think before I act, but it never works. I'm pretty much an impulsive person and do whatever I feel like doing at the time, no matter how much I regret it later.

You ever feel this way?

[loveTWOhateTWO]

Hmm... I feel the same way all the time. Like, I always swear... like WAY too much. I go to a Christian school, so it seems all abnormal and out of place. And in my head it seems fine, because that's in my head, not in the school. But it just makes me feel obnoxious.