My mean grandma Options

[Ashley_Brook]

I have a problem with my grandma on my Dad's side. I feel that she doesn't like me. You see, I have a younger sister (2 years younger, she's 20), and she takes after our dad's side and I take more after our mom's side, both looks and personality wise. Our mom and dad are divorced now (since 1990) and my mom and my grandma never got along ever. When our parents divorced, we moved to Indiana with our mom and visted my dad and grandparents in South Carolina every year or so, just me and my sister.

Ever since we started visiting them...I noticed that my grandma would play favorites. She always treated my sister nicer, and critisized me every chance she got. For a few years, as I child, I actually believed that I was just more rotten than my sister, and that is why she treated me differently. And every single year, she was like that. She's always put me down, saying harsh things about me behind my back to the family, and she also kept putting down my mom. But as the years went on, I realized how much she compared me to my mom, in an insulting way, and that she praised my sister for being so much like her own side of the family. That is when I realized that it makes more sense that the reason why she acts the way she does about me is because I remind her so much of my mom, and since those two didn't get along...she's taking it out on me. This is not in my head. Even my sister has told me that she thinks that grandma is too mean to me, every time we do down there to visit.

For example, we went down there this passed summer and stayed a couple weeks. I told my grandma that I had to take a break from college for fall semester because I couldn't get financial aide until January 2007 but I planned to go back as soon as I can, and she asked me what I wanted to go for and I said journalism. And she snaps back at me with, "WELL YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE MORE SOCIALABLE IF YOU WANT TO GO INTO JOURNALISM!" and in a really crappy way. I didn't say anything to that and the next thing I know, later that week....my dad told me that grandma went and told my him and my aunt and uncle that I totally quit school and didn't want to go back....when I know she heard me that I was wanting to go back and go into journalism, or else she wouldn't have made that remark about me having to be more sociable. That is just one instance among hundreds over the years. She has always said mean things about my weight too. I'm really thin, naturally, and I eat just as much as anyone else, but it's hard for me to gain weight. But grandma would always comment that I look malnutritioned, and insinuated that our mom wasn't feeding us right, and it really hurt me. Oh and I just found out that my grandma was trying to make bets with other family members that I'd be pregnant within the year, because I just moved in with my boyfriend. How rude is that? And when we visted, she flat out called me lazy and vain, saying that all I want to do in life is sit on my butt and watch soap operahs (What the heck??!") My mom always watched soaps...but I never have! Now tell me that she isn't trying to take out her anger at my mom on me.

What else? She also made fun of me how hard it must be for my boyfriend to take care of me because she implied that he was probably doing everything around the house, which isn't true. And when we were there this summer, every time I made some sort of opinion, she always had to oppose it, no matter how little or stupid it was...she tried her damnest to oppose sides with me verablly, about everything! She just has a problem with every little thing about me. I'd say "Oh I like those jeans" while looking at a magazine, and she'd say, "Oh well I think they look trashy. You should start thinking about wearing better clothes if you're ever going to get a job." And the thing is, she NEVER said anything of the sort to my sister, ever. To my sister, everything was all smiles and giggles. She has never said anything negative about her, oh no. And I'm 99.9999 percent sure that it's because my sister is like her, and I am like my mom.

My point is, I have had it now. I don't know why I just don't confront her about it. Often times, I find myself determined to prove her wrong about me, and impress her and make her see that I am a worthy human being, in hopes that she's change her attitued towards me and I won't have to conront her, but no matter how good I'm doing, she always has something negative to say about me. It's getting to the point where I've had 3 dreams in the past few months about confronting her. But I haven't yet. I guess the main reason is because I don't want her to know that she had gotten under my skin.

But I think now it's time. It's been 16 years I've had to take her beatings, and I'm wanting to call her out on it. I don't want to be mean about it though. I want to be firm, get my point across, but be mature about it at the same time. I still hate the fact that I have to do it, because like I said, I'll just be admitting to her that she had affected me, and I really don't want to give her that satisfaction. But I think the right thing would be to talk to her about it. I can keep trying to impress her and prove her wrong...but a part of me doesn't think that's ever going to happen. So what should I do?

[Serendipity]

Talk to her and tell her exactly how YOU feel about being treated poorly. Or talk to a close relative. Let it out. Either that, or just ignore her comments. Don't listen to all the negativity. You have your own life to deal with, and you shouldn't have to be bothered by your own grandma. Some people are never satisfied, and well, that's their problem. I'm not great at giving advice, but hope this helps.