Disgusted with yourself..., yeah.. Options

[expoised]

Have you ever done something that seemed fun and okay to do at the time, but later on regretted it so much that you're just completely disgusted with yourself?


Like... My first kiss (not counting anything before 2nd grade, lol) was a bus-dare while we were on a field trip (8th grade). The guy was okay-looking but I hardly knew him at all and I was so anxious to actually kiss somebody that I was just like "okay" and I did. We ended up making out the rest of the ride back... and the next day back in school, we resumed ignoring each other.

I really regret wasting my first kiss on something stupid like that.




There's also the fact that I'm more relaxed around guys and whenever I talk to my guy-friends, I tend to be more... not as clean as I'd like to be. And when we're talking everything's okay... we crack dirty jokes, talk about stuff that I would normally just keep quiet about. But then, when I'm alone and I'm thinking back on the day, I find myself going "Why the hell did I say that?" and being completely embarassed despite the fact that it already passed and I'm alone.


Ugh.



I'm sick of being completely disgusted by the things I do. And I keep telling myself that next time, I'll think before I act, but it never works. I'm pretty much an impulsive person and do whatever I feel like doing at the time, no matter how much I regret it later.

You ever feel this way?

[expoised]

^^^
I know I'm different now... But what I regret are the things that I can't take back. I regret how some of the things I've done have tainted my reputation and the way people think about me, I regret that I'll never be able to get my first kiss back, and I regret a hell of a lot more than that.

I'm not saying I think about this all day and be miserable with myself. I only think back on these things when I'm alone and there's nothing to distract my mind from wandering back to the past.

And you make it sound like I don't try changing... I DONT make the same mistake twice. I make a mistake once, then I make a different mistake, then I make another. My freaking life's a chain of mistakes. It's no use looking back at the past, but there's nothing you can do to take the first mistakes back.

[*suddenly she*]

poised' date='Sep 23 2006, 7:42 PM' post='2293333']
^^^
I know I'm different now... But what I regret are the things that I can't take back. I regret how some of the things I've done have tainted my reputation and the way people think about me, I regret that I'll never be able to get my first kiss back, and I regret a hell of a lot more than that.

I'm not saying I think about this all day and be miserable with myself. I only think back on these things when I'm alone and there's nothing to distract my mind from wandering back to the past.

And you make it sound like I don't try changing... I DONT make the same mistake twice. I make a mistake once, then I make a different mistake, then I make another. My freaking life's a chain of mistakes. It's no use looking back at the past, but there's nothing you can do to take the first mistakes back.

i didn't mean to imply that you haven't tried to change. sorry about that...
i'm sure if you keep trying, then you won't make yourself feel funky anymore.. if people think you're a bad person and you know you're different, then who cares what they think? eventually the people who matter will notice that your reputation doesn't match up to what you actually do.