Disgusted with yourself..., yeah.. Options

[expoised]

Have you ever done something that seemed fun and okay to do at the time, but later on regretted it so much that you're just completely disgusted with yourself?


Like... My first kiss (not counting anything before 2nd grade, lol) was a bus-dare while we were on a field trip (8th grade). The guy was okay-looking but I hardly knew him at all and I was so anxious to actually kiss somebody that I was just like "okay" and I did. We ended up making out the rest of the ride back... and the next day back in school, we resumed ignoring each other.

I really regret wasting my first kiss on something stupid like that.




There's also the fact that I'm more relaxed around guys and whenever I talk to my guy-friends, I tend to be more... not as clean as I'd like to be. And when we're talking everything's okay... we crack dirty jokes, talk about stuff that I would normally just keep quiet about. But then, when I'm alone and I'm thinking back on the day, I find myself going "Why the hell did I say that?" and being completely embarassed despite the fact that it already passed and I'm alone.


Ugh.



I'm sick of being completely disgusted by the things I do. And I keep telling myself that next time, I'll think before I act, but it never works. I'm pretty much an impulsive person and do whatever I feel like doing at the time, no matter how much I regret it later.

You ever feel this way?

[SimplicityGirl]

Hmm..yeah I can relate to what you feel. Sometimes I'd think back of everything that I did and said to ppl that day, and I'd think "Now why the hell did I say/do that for?!"

I've done many many things that I didn't like myself for doing. Such as not working hard enough for school...and wasting a lot of my "firsts". Such as my first "real" boyfriend. My gosh. To this day, I still feel really annoyed and disgusted at myself for that. Not to mention feeling extremely stupid. So it was the 11th grade. And I was desperate for a boyfriend. More like....I wanted one just to see what it feels like and I guess to "prove" to myself that I can get a guy if like. Had camp during first month of school. Met this new guy. Fell for him....and didn't keep it quiet. Eventually he asked me out. Happy as hell. But then broke up after a month. Turned out that he didn't ask me out because he liked me, but because he thought it was the right thing to do to ask me because he knew how much I liked him...and also to stop me from being so clingy and annoying and sending him all these too too obvious hints. So my first relationship, if you will, was a real mess in my life. To this day, I still don't like myself for that.

Hm..my first kiss was lost in a truth or dare game. Man that was stupid. -_-". Although, me and the guy are still friends, so I guess it's not that bad. But...if I had it any other way, my first kiss definitely would NOT happned in a round of truth or dare.

I think sometimes we all do stupid things to impress other people, and to feel like we fit in or that we can do something just to "prove" to ourselves or otherwise. But I guess we have to live with our mistakes, and to learn from it.