Um...., when is it selfish? |
Um...., when is it selfish? |
*Uronacid* |
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#1
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I'm having a bit of an issue myself... lately I have been not saying things out of fear of them possibly being selfish... like, alright if your consistantly getting nervous about something is it good to keep bringing it up and work on it together or try to ignore it so the your partner doesn't have to deal with your problems and issues? Like I love Holly, and is it truley the best for her if I talk about things that bother me all the time.... maybe sometimes ignorace is bliss... I know she's going to question this topic on the phone now... >.> I have been trying to act like nothing is wrong for the past week. It's working, but the truth is that I'm really stressed out... I haven't been eating much and I'm consistantly getting stomach aches... I'm trying to solve the issues on my own, and talk to my friends about them so she doesn't have too...
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*Uronacid* |
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#2
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Thought Stream:
Look, I feel like sometimes I need space... I don't know hwere to find it. I guess sometiems I want to try and figure things out on my own... honestly, I still wish I never said anything.. she has no idea what to say when I tell her these things... It really sucks... It's not her fault either... I feel so crappy right now, and I don't know who to talk to .. I'm mean I have so many friends, but they don't have the same problems as me... All they tell me is... "Don't worry about it...", and ugh... when Holly says things like, "I won't leave you" or, "I won't give up on you"... I know shes just trying to comfort me, and I appriciate that... but she's saying things that she can't promise, and I don't want her to do that either... I don't think she realize how hard the things she is saying are really going to be. I feel so worthless for even bringing it up... I wish I just kept it inside... Well wait... I just thought of something... What if I need to tell her to find out if she is right for me... I mean... is she the one that is going to be able to help me out of my paranoid rut... One reason I don't want her to read this is becuase I don't want her to do something that isn't from her own heart... I don't want her to say things I want to hear. I want her to say things that she thinks she should say. I want her to be herself. This is the main reason I don't want her to read what I'm writing. I'm afriad she will start to do what I say, and I don't want that to ever happen... I want her to think for herself, btu at the same I know that she will never understand me if I don't tell her things. I'm dissapointed in myself for even asking her to call me today when I was talking to her last night. I told her I felt pretty worthless, and that if i did call her I would feel like I was bothering her... It was the truth, but now I fear that the only reason she is going to call me is because I told her too.... I don't want her to call me because I told her too. I want her to call me when she wants to call me. I wish I never said that... sometimes I even tell her not to do things so she won't feel pressured to do them. I'm not a jealous paranoid freak. I'm really focused on not letting my paranoia over run our relationship. I try so hard to let her do things and be herself. I let her talk to all the guys she wants, and I try not to say anything ever about it. I do get a little jealous, but I always tell her that I want her to hang out with them. I say, "Just becuase I get a little jealous doesn't mean you should stop. Holly, this is my problem not yours and it shouldn't effect the way you be you. No matter what, do not stop being yourself because I am being stupid and jealous." I really don't want her to allow my paranoia to control anything. I know that fear can turn into jealousy, and jelaousy can turn into control... I'm so determined never to let that happen... Sometimes I feel like she is loosing hope that I will ever be able to stop being paranoid. It makes me loose hope that I could ever change. I'm afriad I will always be paranoid in every relationship for the rest of my life. It makes me loose hope when I feel taht way, and I almost want to give up, but I don't. I keep pressing on. I'm so determined to stop being paranoid. If I don't think I wouldn't stay in this relationship. I don't think I will ever give up. Unless she gives up on me... i want to change, and I don't have this small bit of hope in me ... People always say," You can't change for someone. You have to change for yourself." I'm not just changing myself for her. I'm changing myself so that I can have a beautiful relationship with the person I love... I only dream about being in a relationship, and not be afriad of being hurt... All the advice I give on this site... it's all advice that I would give myself, but why don't I just take my own advice. It's not that I don't try... I do... I guess I jsut need other people to give me advice. Maybe it's a confirmation thing. I have my own idea's and thought in my head about how I could get over this, but I want to hear what you have to say before I do anything... I want to consider every possibility. I'm afriad that my thoughts and the things that I may do may be triggered by my wants. I'm afriad that I may become so blinded by the way that I wish things could happen that I won't be able to see what I accually need to happen... |
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*T0rmented_Soul* |
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#3
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Thought Stream: All the advice I give on this site... it's all advice that I would give myself, but why don't I just take my own advice. It's not that I don't try... I do... I guess I jsut need other people to give me advice. Maybe it's a confirmation thing. I have my own idea's and thought in my head about how I could get over this, but I want to hear what you have to say before I do anything... I want to consider every possibility. I'm afriad that my thoughts and the things that I may do may be triggered by my wants. I'm afriad that I may become so blinded by the way that I wish things could happen that I won't be able to see what I accually need to happen... People are like that bro, they're so good at giving advice but fail to follo their own, why? I guess it's supposively because you don't tend to find your self in those situations, so there's no need for your own advice, even if it seem's like it's the right way to do. It just takes people to give you the same thoughts of words just as you gave them to realise what you have to do. Don't stress it, your mind is your own enemy, maybe take a risk and chance it. |
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