My 12 year old brother is stuck in man's body., I need help making a life changing decision. Options

[msladyliberty]

My 12 year old brother is stuck in man's body.

WARNING: Long entry. Comments from the eldest of the family are greatly appreciated.

My brother is actually [b]20 years old[/b]...but his responsibilities, his maturity, his common sense is of a 12 year old little boy. When I was 15, I carried out more responsibilities and independance more than he has in his lifetime. And I'm just praying for a miracle that one day he'll "get the effin' picture."

It's hard for me to change my brother. I put all my patience and time for him and for our family, hoping that one day he'll "grow up." What really makes it harder for him, is that my mom can't see him being a responsible or reliable person. She's always asking me to do his tax returns, fill out his financial aid applications, and do majority of the cleaning around the house because her excuse is: "He doesn't know how to do it." or it's: "He's not mentally mature enough like you are, so he can't handle it."

He's not a bad boy (I can't call him a man, 'cause he isn't). He goes to school fulltime and has a great job that pays well which helps pay for our bills. He has a great personality too. But he's SO irresponsible, unreliable, un-independant, and very lazy.

Here's a list of things that annoy about him:

-doesn't take the initiative to do anything!
-does things ONLY when told.
-does the job, but does it poorly! (I think on purpose)
-always has to get approval from "mommy"
-has no common sense.
-it takes 3+ days for him to dig a hole or put furniture together.
-has an excuse for EVERYTHING!
-doesn't like to share with me, even when I share everything!
-doesn't offer to pay for things, when he makes more than I do.
-can't keep things neat.
-he's 6'0'' and weighs 270lbs...he's afraid to walk 4 blocks to work @ 4 am because he's afraid of getting "mugged."
-sleeps 10+ hours a day, but claims to be too tired to clean the yard.


My Point:

I have tried, I have been patient, I try to be reasonable, I try to understand...but it seems like my efforts, my time is being wasted, because my own mother chooses to see her 20 year old son as a little boy.

The possible solution:

I want to move out! I'm 22 years old, I'm taking very advanced classes in school, and I need my space!! Besides, if I move out...it would benefit my brother greatly. He has not choice but to pull his weight around the house. He'd FINALLY learn something!

So why not do it?

My mom has a tendancy to put the guilt trip on me. She did sacrifice her retirement money to move us away and help us pay for school (well, I go to school for free actually-financial aid). She cooks majority of the time and cleans when she can. I feel like I owe her. She makes me feel like I owe her. People in our family have abused her charity, and I don't want to be another "back-stabbing" family member.

My boyfriend and I can't stand living with my family (boyfriend lived with us for 3+ yrs). My mom is a pack rat. She can't even keep her own room tidy. She's constantly buying things, that we don't have any room for! I don't think she can accept the fact that I have a mind of my own and is disappointed at times when I won't agree with her. (My brother ALWAYS agrees)

For cryin' out loud! I'm 22 years old! And I can wipe my own ass!!

I need to grow up! I know I can handle it! I know how to pay bills, make appointments to see my OBGYN, take my own ass to school, I pay car insurance, turn in paperwork on time...etc.

I mean, I've been doing it since I was muther-effin' 16! How many 16-year olds can say that they do that with out their mommy "reminding" them.

My brother can't even do half that ish on his own. If anything, I DO IT FOR HIM, because my MOM MAKES ME DO IT!

QUESTION:

How do you break it down to a mommy like mine, that you want to move out?

or

Do ya'll think I'm being selfish and ignorant for deciding to move in with my boyfriend and help the both of us out instead of helping my mom out? So I should stick it with my mommy, even it if kills me.

Be honest!!

The solution seems obvious, but maybe my rage is blinding me from seeing the situation from a different prospective. So that's why I'm asking for help...because I am pissed, and being pissed blocks a lot of logical thinking.

Thank you for your time.

[msladyliberty]

^ Thank you for your comment about the value of "family."

I too have been working my ass off as well. When my parents divorce (me at 15), I got a job as soon as I turned 16 years old to bring some income into the house hold. I saved up $2k (not much, but I worked part-time) to help put a down payment on an apt. in Las Vegas.

For 2 years, I worked 3 jobs (all part-time) AND went to school full-time. Even if my mom is still recieving child-support, and working a great full-time job...my brother wasn't old enough to work.

So...with the absence of my father...I was forced to take on many responsiblities at a young age.

Even then...when I worked my ass off...I have been thinking about moving out (@ 19), because I didn't think it was FAIR...that my brother sits around the house...making a MESS...and leaving me to do it...because my mom claims that HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO. My brother gives me an excuse why he can't wash the dishes, why he can't clean up the yard, why he can't dig a hole in the damn yard...etc.

I argue about it...but I can't win...because my brother does a lousy job on purpose...so that my mom ASKS ME / MAKES ME do it and not him.

I love my family...I love my mom especially...but I try to talk to her...I try to tell her that he's old enough to take on more resposibilities...but her excuse is..."He's not mature enough or driven enough as I am."

So you see...I want to move on...learn to live on my own...give my brother a chance to grow up and be a man...because my mom NEVER asks him to take on big household duties (takes out trash only!)...because my boyfriend and I are living there. My brother SHOULD be the man of the house...but my mom says he's too immature for it. 20 years old for crying out loud!

I have sincerely tried. really I have....I can go on and on about how much I have...but it seems like my mom can't get the picture. I try talking to my brother...I cry for help, but it can't process in his head. The "talk" works for a good 2 weeks...then he's back to his OLD WAYS.

I think it's my fault in the first place, to have given him allowances $40/wk, doing majority of household chores...i teach him...but he can't get it. I swear..he does stuff so sloppy and lousy just so my mom can make me do it.

So if he's got mom on his side...I can't win. Because he knows I won't disobey her.

I don't want my brother to RELY on his mom or RELY on his older sister to his things for him.

But I do know the value of family...so I don't plan on moving too far...just down the street. I just wish I could specify more on how miserable it has been for me to live in our home.

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Oh my boyfriend is the man of the house. He pays half on groceries and rent.
-and does auto maintenance (which my brother wouldn't want to learn)
-cleans the yard
-cleans the livingroom, our bedroom, does his own shiiiiiiet...etc.

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EDIT:

Oh...yea...and my mom always asks my boyfriend to do the MAN stuff around the house...'cause she admits my brother can't do it either.

my mom relies more on my boyfriend and I than my brother.