My 12 year old brother is stuck in man's body., I need help making a life changing decision. Options

[msladyliberty]

My 12 year old brother is stuck in man's body.

WARNING: Long entry. Comments from the eldest of the family are greatly appreciated.

My brother is actually [b]20 years old[/b]...but his responsibilities, his maturity, his common sense is of a 12 year old little boy. When I was 15, I carried out more responsibilities and independance more than he has in his lifetime. And I'm just praying for a miracle that one day he'll "get the effin' picture."

It's hard for me to change my brother. I put all my patience and time for him and for our family, hoping that one day he'll "grow up." What really makes it harder for him, is that my mom can't see him being a responsible or reliable person. She's always asking me to do his tax returns, fill out his financial aid applications, and do majority of the cleaning around the house because her excuse is: "He doesn't know how to do it." or it's: "He's not mentally mature enough like you are, so he can't handle it."

He's not a bad boy (I can't call him a man, 'cause he isn't). He goes to school fulltime and has a great job that pays well which helps pay for our bills. He has a great personality too. But he's SO irresponsible, unreliable, un-independant, and very lazy.

Here's a list of things that annoy about him:

-doesn't take the initiative to do anything!
-does things ONLY when told.
-does the job, but does it poorly! (I think on purpose)
-always has to get approval from "mommy"
-has no common sense.
-it takes 3+ days for him to dig a hole or put furniture together.
-has an excuse for EVERYTHING!
-doesn't like to share with me, even when I share everything!
-doesn't offer to pay for things, when he makes more than I do.
-can't keep things neat.
-he's 6'0'' and weighs 270lbs...he's afraid to walk 4 blocks to work @ 4 am because he's afraid of getting "mugged."
-sleeps 10+ hours a day, but claims to be too tired to clean the yard.


My Point:

I have tried, I have been patient, I try to be reasonable, I try to understand...but it seems like my efforts, my time is being wasted, because my own mother chooses to see her 20 year old son as a little boy.

The possible solution:

I want to move out! I'm 22 years old, I'm taking very advanced classes in school, and I need my space!! Besides, if I move out...it would benefit my brother greatly. He has not choice but to pull his weight around the house. He'd FINALLY learn something!

So why not do it?

My mom has a tendancy to put the guilt trip on me. She did sacrifice her retirement money to move us away and help us pay for school (well, I go to school for free actually-financial aid). She cooks majority of the time and cleans when she can. I feel like I owe her. She makes me feel like I owe her. People in our family have abused her charity, and I don't want to be another "back-stabbing" family member.

My boyfriend and I can't stand living with my family (boyfriend lived with us for 3+ yrs). My mom is a pack rat. She can't even keep her own room tidy. She's constantly buying things, that we don't have any room for! I don't think she can accept the fact that I have a mind of my own and is disappointed at times when I won't agree with her. (My brother ALWAYS agrees)

For cryin' out loud! I'm 22 years old! And I can wipe my own ass!!

I need to grow up! I know I can handle it! I know how to pay bills, make appointments to see my OBGYN, take my own ass to school, I pay car insurance, turn in paperwork on time...etc.

I mean, I've been doing it since I was muther-effin' 16! How many 16-year olds can say that they do that with out their mommy "reminding" them.

My brother can't even do half that ish on his own. If anything, I DO IT FOR HIM, because my MOM MAKES ME DO IT!

QUESTION:

How do you break it down to a mommy like mine, that you want to move out?

or

Do ya'll think I'm being selfish and ignorant for deciding to move in with my boyfriend and help the both of us out instead of helping my mom out? So I should stick it with my mommy, even it if kills me.

Be honest!!

The solution seems obvious, but maybe my rage is blinding me from seeing the situation from a different prospective. So that's why I'm asking for help...because I am pissed, and being pissed blocks a lot of logical thinking.

Thank you for your time.

[*Uronacid*]

Yeah, there's only so much you can do... you need to move out... ugh, my friend jeremy is going through the same thing it's like he does everything for his family... His father passed away when he was young and they got paid by the goverment (the the checks weren't late or anything), but it's like both his brother and his mother use him for everything... If you can support yourself. MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, in fact I suggest you move out of the state... get away from the sitiuation, and become succesful. Maybe goto a college outside the state you live in.

your family is holding you back from being as successful as you can possibly be, and you (by staying in the house) aren't teaching your brother anything... you're doing everything for him... If you think aout it, it would be more loving to move out, and teach him the hard way.

[Mr. Slowjamz]

Yeah, there's only so much you can do... you need to move out... ugh, my friend jeremy is going through the same thing it's like he does everything for his family... His father passed away when he was young and they got paid by the goverment (the the checks weren't late or anything), but it's like both his brother and his mother use him for everything... If you can support yourself. MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, in fact I suggest you move out of the state... get away from the sitiuation, and become succesful. Maybe goto a college outside the state you live in.

your family is holding you back from being as successful as you can possibly be, and you (by staying in the house) aren't teaching your brother anything... you're doing everything for him... If you think aout it, it would be more loving to move out, and teach him the hard way.

yea but the problem with is with the lack of values to love your family , the things that i`m afraid of is that once you move , you totally forget where you came from , why your here , and who took care of you from the beginning ....sometimes you should be considerate to what your family has done ....no matter how much you hate them ...its like touch with the people who are most close to you when your alone .....these are some problems that america is facing today ....there losing there core values of family ...you see brothers and sisters having arguments between money as too which is his and whats hers ....uncles stealing college money from his nephews , and people just diresgarding there elder parents out in a nursing , where you just leave her be , never has the chance to visit , never cares , because they`d rather wallow on the luxuries instead of indearing people . Tell me , who are you gonna turn too if your mentally sad and disspaointed when you have all this money , yet in some sort of way , your still not happy OR Satisfied . this is the difference between western core values , and eastern core values . and this the Problem with AMerica ....and how its too exploited with things . ..they can`t be simplistic ......theres no joy of being simplistic

im sort of semi-traditional , i just can`t see my parents who have worked there ass off left at a rotten place . thats what im afraid off .

i think you should move out , it gives you time , to set your own plans , gain self-esteem , and feelings , it helps you gain confidence back in yourself , and have the enrgy to do whatever you want . yet when your out there doing what your doing , don`t always forget who brought you here.........i see my mom cry everyday because she regrets diregarding my grandmother in her younger years .