My 12 year old brother is stuck in man's body., I need help making a life changing decision. Options

[msladyliberty]

My 12 year old brother is stuck in man's body.

WARNING: Long entry. Comments from the eldest of the family are greatly appreciated.

My brother is actually [b]20 years old[/b]...but his responsibilities, his maturity, his common sense is of a 12 year old little boy. When I was 15, I carried out more responsibilities and independance more than he has in his lifetime. And I'm just praying for a miracle that one day he'll "get the effin' picture."

It's hard for me to change my brother. I put all my patience and time for him and for our family, hoping that one day he'll "grow up." What really makes it harder for him, is that my mom can't see him being a responsible or reliable person. She's always asking me to do his tax returns, fill out his financial aid applications, and do majority of the cleaning around the house because her excuse is: "He doesn't know how to do it." or it's: "He's not mentally mature enough like you are, so he can't handle it."

He's not a bad boy (I can't call him a man, 'cause he isn't). He goes to school fulltime and has a great job that pays well which helps pay for our bills. He has a great personality too. But he's SO irresponsible, unreliable, un-independant, and very lazy.

Here's a list of things that annoy about him:

-doesn't take the initiative to do anything!
-does things ONLY when told.
-does the job, but does it poorly! (I think on purpose)
-always has to get approval from "mommy"
-has no common sense.
-it takes 3+ days for him to dig a hole or put furniture together.
-has an excuse for EVERYTHING!
-doesn't like to share with me, even when I share everything!
-doesn't offer to pay for things, when he makes more than I do.
-can't keep things neat.
-he's 6'0'' and weighs 270lbs...he's afraid to walk 4 blocks to work @ 4 am because he's afraid of getting "mugged."
-sleeps 10+ hours a day, but claims to be too tired to clean the yard.


My Point:

I have tried, I have been patient, I try to be reasonable, I try to understand...but it seems like my efforts, my time is being wasted, because my own mother chooses to see her 20 year old son as a little boy.

The possible solution:

I want to move out! I'm 22 years old, I'm taking very advanced classes in school, and I need my space!! Besides, if I move out...it would benefit my brother greatly. He has not choice but to pull his weight around the house. He'd FINALLY learn something!

So why not do it?

My mom has a tendancy to put the guilt trip on me. She did sacrifice her retirement money to move us away and help us pay for school (well, I go to school for free actually-financial aid). She cooks majority of the time and cleans when she can. I feel like I owe her. She makes me feel like I owe her. People in our family have abused her charity, and I don't want to be another "back-stabbing" family member.

My boyfriend and I can't stand living with my family (boyfriend lived with us for 3+ yrs). My mom is a pack rat. She can't even keep her own room tidy. She's constantly buying things, that we don't have any room for! I don't think she can accept the fact that I have a mind of my own and is disappointed at times when I won't agree with her. (My brother ALWAYS agrees)

For cryin' out loud! I'm 22 years old! And I can wipe my own ass!!

I need to grow up! I know I can handle it! I know how to pay bills, make appointments to see my OBGYN, take my own ass to school, I pay car insurance, turn in paperwork on time...etc.

I mean, I've been doing it since I was muther-effin' 16! How many 16-year olds can say that they do that with out their mommy "reminding" them.

My brother can't even do half that ish on his own. If anything, I DO IT FOR HIM, because my MOM MAKES ME DO IT!

QUESTION:

How do you break it down to a mommy like mine, that you want to move out?

or

Do ya'll think I'm being selfish and ignorant for deciding to move in with my boyfriend and help the both of us out instead of helping my mom out? So I should stick it with my mommy, even it if kills me.

Be honest!!

The solution seems obvious, but maybe my rage is blinding me from seeing the situation from a different prospective. So that's why I'm asking for help...because I am pissed, and being pissed blocks a lot of logical thinking.

Thank you for your time.

[msladyliberty]

I appreciate all the comments!

I especailly thank those who understand and have older brothers/sisters or younger brothers/sisters.

Financially, I know my mom and brother can handle living together between the 2 of them. My brother and I get paid similarly per hour (I just make .50 more), yet he works 10 more hours/wk than I do.

My mom still recieves child support for my brother. Mine stopped last year. On top of that, my dad still owes my mom about $20K for not supporting us for almost 2 years. So even when child support stops for my brother, they'll still be recieving child support for the both of us. Mom just puts our child support on the side for savings & she saves my brother's earnings as well.

So sometimes, I think I give my mom too much money/month. Considering that she makes a pretty decent amount. I think my mom knows that I think that way...because I "KNOW" how much money is coming in and coming out.

I would never think of leaving my family if I knew first and foremost, that it isn't financially possible.

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My brother's actual problem is being LAZY.

Yesterday, my brother and I took my mom's car to the gas station to put some air in her tires. It was about 98 degrees outside (we live in Las Vegas), but we're under the shade. So my brother starts to fill the LEFT front & rear tire and STOPS!

He says to me, "Lib, it's too HOT outside! I can't finish it."

So I say, "You've only been out for like 5 mintues! I know you're sweating and it's hot or whutever, but you can't let the car be UN-BALANCED?!"

So his response was (you'll love this one), "It's too hot to finish Lib, I'm gonna get a HEAT STROKE!"

I SCREAMED! and got my ass out of the car and said..."GAWD!!! I can never ask you do to a MAN'S JOB!"

Then he gives this sad look and insists that he does it. But I told he's effin too late! That I don't want my 6'0'', 270lbs brother get a heat stroke!

It was HOT, I was SWEATY...but I checked every damn tire and filled up all 4 (because the one's he did was half ass!) No heat stroke!

That's LAZINESS right there. ALWAYS has an excuse NOT to do it.

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My mom takes HIS SIDE.

On MONDAY, it was my boyfriend's birthday. My brother had asked if he could use our truck to go to work at 4:00 am. Since my bf's car is standard (I'm auto-magic only), we wanted to use the truck so that he can get wasted.

So I told my brother that we weren't too sure what time we'll be back (usually at 4am or 5am when we go drinking). So I ask him if it was alright if he can walk to work (4 blocks away, a 30 sec. drive). Then he starts getting PISSED.

He suggests that I take my mom to work (she starts at midnight) and pick her up at 8 am. So that he can use my mom's car to drive just 4 BLOCKS (30 sec drive!!!!!!) to work. He says it's either that or take a cab.

So I still suggest that he EFFIN' WALKS! But he says, It's too dangerous out there. What if he gets mobbed by a gang? Or someone mugs him? He says that it's his last night ALIVE if I let him walk to work.

So I say, "Who would be stupid enough to mug a 6'0'', 270 lbs man at 4am? Besides, I thought you aint scared of nobody! You don't even LOOK LIKE YOU GOT MONEY!"

So he runs to his mommy...and MOMMY says: "Honey, 4am is too early for him to be walking to work. Just drop me off and pick me up at 8."

I just LOST MY FRICKEN MIND RIGHT THERE!

So I CUSS HIS ASS OUT and call him a pus...and f word, muther-f words...

Mom, got pissed...made by brother give me $20 to pay for gas (which is the FIRST time he's ever given me money to pay for gas) and yelled at me and made me feel really stupid and shameful for forcing my brother to "walk to work at 4am!"

So I get home at 6am, wake up at 7:30am...get back home at 9:30 'cause there was traffic...then, started work at 12:00pm. And I'm doing this with a MILD HANG-OVER. (4 beers and a shot)

Since MONDAY, I haven't talked to him.

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I really do try to be a good sister.

When he didn't have a job and wanted to go out with his friends, he'd get $20 from my mom...and I'd give him another $20...EVERYTIME he went out.

When he didn't have his license, I drove him EVERYWHERE he wanted or needed to go. (he JUST HAD his driver's license 3 months ago)

I would thank him for washing the dishes and taking out the trash (which he ONLY does upon request).

We have had MANY MANY MANY HEART 2 HEART conversations on how to improve...how much it hurts...and how I need his help. Thankfully....those conversations are worth 2 weeks of his dedication..then he's back to being LAZY AGAIN.

I ask him to do things...NICELY. I give him the WHOLE DAY to vaccum JUST THE LIVING ROOM. Yet, he won't do it till 3 days AFTER I've asked him.

I have done the yelling...tough Love...whutever....DOESN'T WORK.

I have tried being NICE...appreciate him more...DOESN'T WORK.

I have tried giving him TIME, in fact...a whole day to do simple task...DOESN'T WORK

I have tried to TEACH him how to do things RIGHT....even if he doesnt get it
the first time, I show him and make him do it over and over....yet he GIVES UP,
GET'S ANGRY, and argues that I always think he never DOES THINGS RIGHT.

I know I've been fair (fair is giving him a week to do ONE THING)...and have been patient with him. But his excuse is...

"IF YOU THINK I DO A SUCH A BAD JOB...WHY DON'T YOU DO IT THEN?!" bull

I can never teach him how to do things right...no matter how nice I try to be.

I swear...I think he does things "HALF-ASS" just so he doesn't have to do it at all.

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Sorry so long