anyone. friendship issues., yeah.. about that. Options

[KarlxFil]

I have/had a "bestfriend" that i haven't talked to for a long time. like 1 year now.
i guess that suits me because i ruined his life.
eversince that time i told him about his gf issues last 3 years ago.
everything was falling apart for him.
i figured that if i leave him alone he would be in a better place.
it's been a long time we didn't bond together.
and i miss that.
now that im leaving to go to Philippines this 31 of july
which also is his birthday
the problem is:
im so confused and sad about this whole thing.
should i call him to say goodbye and happy birthday and i'll see next time?
but one thing also is that
im scared.
from all the stuff that i've been hearing about him
i just got the urge not to talk to him but at the same time i want to
im scared that im going to destroy his life if i ever talk to him
and im also scared because he's not the one i met anymore.
i know i should take my chances.
but everything is so hard.
yes. i was sorry for all the things i did.
i don't know if i did something
but everything happens because of me. that's what i feel.
last time i talked to him
was just too awkward because it's the first time that he called me and thanked me.
everytime we talk it's always so fast.
no convos that really goes on.

[KarlxFil]

*sigh* w.e.