Am I bi/lez?, Please help... Options

[broken inside]

Okay...so, I've tried to go on tons fo websites and I know there is no way to find out magically and that it takes time- but I just want to hear opinions. I am sure there are tons fo topics like this already- sorry, but I need to get this off my chest where a firend won't see it .

From the begning- so. When I was little, in Elementary school, I didn't like guys. At all. I would always wonder why I couldn't. I always said that I liked whoever my firends did, and if some other girl said that guy was ugly- I'd change my mind. I did think lots of girls would pretty. I would think "If I were a guy, I'd like her". I didn't know about homosexuality. I didn't know about it untill middle school, and I learned about it negitivly. My friends made fun of it.

In ninth grade my friend came out of the closet- she is bi. And I found out more poeple were. I also had my first crush on a guy. He was a but dumb, but really cute. A friend of mine asked him to go with me to the dance as friends. He said he'd think about it. I was so freaked out. I didn't want to go with him, I wanted him to say no. I was glad when he said "It's too expensive"...

This summer I've wondered about it alot. I told one friend I'm wondering, she said she is too. But she had actually had boyfirends. And with girls she only kisses them. I don't think she gets my problem...

The thing is...I'm in total denail. I'm not strong enough to deal with something like this, I know that, whenever I think "Hah, I'm straight, i'm kidding myself" I feel better, but I think that it isn't true...

I've seen some porn and honestly, I think penises are gross. Disgusting. But I liked the rest, lol. Muscles = yay.

With the lez porn I felt all nervous when I saw it...o.0;;

Here's the dorky otaku part. I'm on of those fangirls (Edward Elric <3) and I think he's hot, but he is anime...they are all...perfect. And so I dunno... I'm confuzed....


Help? Thanks...

~ Sapphire

EDIT//

Forgot to mention- I thought I liked my best firend at one point in 9th grade, and more reccently another good friend. Girls, but I am not sure if I am just getting closer to them as friends.

Also- the thing is, if I am bi or whatever, I don't know if I could deal with that. Also, I dunno, I already am a girl, being with a girl might be a bit borring, like...guys are diffrent, and I usually like my opposite lol....

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

aww its okay! are you sure your not in some kinda dating slump? maybe you havnt gone out with guys for such a long time that you are starting to feel that you are gay?

its okay to express who you are..if people do not accept you then they are not really your friends.. dont worry about elementary skool kids at that age dont think about going out with guys because they have coodies. if you really feel strongly about this you can also talk to your friend who is bi and ask her how she found out or learn that she was bi. or even ask someone else who is gay.

however sometimes at some point kids really do get confused of their sexuality so i bet its really complicated for you and im sorry i cant give you better advice because it has never happend to me before. but i hope for the best for you. talk to people about what you are feeling ( especially to people who will understand you and not make fun of you)

GOOD LUCK!!