GROWINGG .. up and understanding friendship, ...the dayS Options

[demolished]

Through many years passed in life, I always thought friends were totally pointless. I didn’t understand the meaning of friends at all. I was alone and bored as always. The days in my kindergarten years made an impact on me. I was only a lonely child who tried to make a friend on the first day of school. Sadly, this dude didn’t care about me. He suddenly ran off to play with other toddlers. I even asked him, “can I play, please?” many time. He didn’t care at all.

At that foolish point of my childhood, I thought I could just be alone. I no longer care about making friends or tried hanging out with them. Every recess, I sat down, eating, and did nothing. I was satisfied with it. Why? Friendships mean nothing to me which made me antisocial.

Through the years, I became a pessimistic person who thinks of negative things. I thought everyone’s worthless.

I had a horrible start in my childhood. My family made me really stupid and discourages me big time. “ you’re stupid Steven”, “all Steven’s are so stupid”, “ha-ha you’re going to fail school”, “you’re a dumbass”, “you’re never go to college”, “Steven is going to fail his mission project”, “ you’re pointless”, “ you’re a loser”, and “shut the f**k up, man”.

With all that negative influence and thoughts enter in my head, I became very self-conscious about myself. I avoid many things that I should be doing. The only fun thing was school teacher. That’s their job as an elementary school staff, right?

When I hit 4th grade and moved to a new school. Life was better. I made only one friend. Haha. He was just like me, a loner. Fascinating, eh? I was really really really glad to make at least a friend but … I took disadvantage of him. As I mention, I always thought friends were totally pointless and I don’t understand the meaning of friendship.

He was like my best friend until we hit 7th grade. The age when puberty occurred, mood swings happens and stupidity wins. We separated because fight over something stupid that he did. He copy and paste my entire friend’s screenames from the AIM profile username tracker (it was known as, subprofile.com). I was really surprise and shocked.
Then, we stop hanging out. I left him alone all by himself. He was too different for me. He wasn’t very open to new things. I was totally the opposite of him. We used to be the same. I guessed, he never grew his personality and lifestyle.

Anyways, I hanged out with another group of friends … crappy friends. In 8th grade, I wasn’t involved with them anymore. I was involved with certain mature friends in ELD class (English language development). I began to take friendship seriously. I see everyone having such a great time with friends that made them happy. I read people’s xanga, they loved their best friend and all that junkies.

I admired these people. Somehow, I felt, “they were better than me, having a better time then I did” … and I end up, being depressed, suffering, and sadistic about everything. I felt truly alone and crying at home.

Until I hit my freshman year. THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE ! I met more people, got to know them more, and became better friends with very old classmate. Basically, I was extremely open to many people. They were pretty dam cool and awesome. i hanged out ... ALOT, well, not thaaaat much.


i was happier. i finally understand what was friendship. i thought about them too. We did the most stupid things ever, went out to eat, holiday party, enjoy pissing off an adults, weird things, we were very immature but we had a lot of fun.


At the end, i was proud of myself. I stay away and lost contact with all my shitty friends. i tried my best to involve with people … then I became really good friends with them. it was really hard. it took alot of guts and courage to get what i desired the most.




When did you start appreciating friends ALOT? tell us your story!

[pedophile]

Ohhhh man.

To be honest, I never really had any "true" friends, ulness you count this girl who used to be my friend back in Kindergarden who I used to treat like crap.

I have always pretty much been a loner. Haha. It's kind of my fault, too. You see, I was the time of girl who would pretty much fight everyone & who didn't like anyone in elementary school. Sure, there would be some kids I'd hang out w/ at stuff (at school only, mind you), but I never really liked them.

But then there came 3rd grade.

Ok, I still didn't like anyone. LOL. But then I started realizing that I was lonely & stuff. There were these girls that used to think they were cool & all that stuff, & there was this girl, Grace, who let me hang out w/ her, but she really didn't like me. She used to treat me like crap along w/ everyone else. I also remember that during 3rd grade, she had a papercut, & she blamed it on me. Of course, I hadn't really done it, but since she was a teacher's pet & all, they didn't believe me. UGH. I was pretty much known as that weird geeky girl. In 4th grade, that Grace girl pretty much left. I was still annoying & everything, though. I still hated everyone. Ok, 5th grade came. Still hated everyone. Then 6th grade came (I was still in that same crappy school). So there were the "ghetto" 8th graders who thought they were cool & all that shit. I didn't really like any of them, & I could tell they didn't like me either. There was this kid, Carlos, he used to pick on me & shit. Oh, & there was this kid, Alphonso, who used to also pick on me. I used to be picked on for being all "white" & shit. I got close to some poeple, & then drifted away from them because of something that had happened. Hah. Grr, I think so far this has been my worst year. Oh, yeah, not to mention that I was one of those annoying kids that thought they were different & all that crap. Ugh. 7th grade came, & I still hated it. I guess I talked to some people. People didn't really hate me anymore, & yeah. I used to make fun of this girl who used to annoy me. Actually, I used to pretty much make fun of everyone. I was pretty closeminded back then about things & I wasn't easy to get along with. I started feeling really lonely since my friends didn't try talking to me, so I ditched them for this other group of kids. I started talking to them, but one day I was really pissed off, so I wrote this xanga entry which I talked crap about some of my friends. Turns out that one of my friends had found out & was really pissed at me (but then again, she's the kind of person who'd pretty much get pissed off at anything & start yelling at you). So like at lunch, she was being stupid & all that crap, & was saying some rude stuff loudly so everyone could hear. Of course, everyone around her was laughing at me. Then we started yelling & we got in this arguement. At first I wanted to talk to her & apologize for what I had done, but then she just had pissed me off, so I was just like "Bitch, f**k you." I stopped hanging out w/ them & went back to hanging out w/ the other people I had originally hung out with. Then 8th grade came. I had changed a bit since. I tried to not talk crap about people & stuff. I pretty much got well along w/ everyone. I tried becoming friends w/ everyone & stuff although most of them didn't even bother talking to me. Meh. Sure, some of them were nice to me & all, but they never tried actually hanging out w/ me, so when I hung out w/ them, I felt like an outcast.

Whatever. Now, I'm going to 9th grade.
I have realized a whole bunch of shit through these past few years. I try to not let myself down, although it happens a lot, & now, when I finally enter highschool, I'm going to give everyone a chance & um, stop talking shit & all that crap. I'm not gonna be OVERLY nice to be walked all over on, but I'm going to be nice to everyone, & if someone DOES treat me like crap, I'll just ignore it & move on.

I don't think I made any sense at all.

So the end.