Log In · Register

 
Screams From Hell
Dark's Angel
post Jun 27 2006, 11:11 AM
Post #1


Koorime
****

Group: Member
Posts: 153
Joined: Sep 2005
Member No: 237,135



Screaming rings in the corridors of my mind.
I can't seem to make it stop.
It's filled with pain,
Remorse and guilt,
But most of all,
It's mixed with sadness and hate.
I hate every thing that's happened to me.
But there's nothing that
I can't do about the past.
All I can try to hope for is
A better future
One that isn't filled with pain.
I'm writhing in anger that's mixed with pain,
No one even cares that I'm alive.
Here on Earth,
I know that its not possible
To be saved from this desolate hell,
It's already sucked me in,
And it's working its horrors upon me.
Nothing can save me now.
 
 
Start new topic
Replies
Paradox of Life
post Jul 2 2006, 09:37 AM
Post #2


My name's Katt. Nice to meet you!
*******

Group: Member
Posts: 3,826
Joined: Jan 2005
Member No: 93,674



QUOTE
But there's nothing that
I can't do about the past.


I think you mean "But there's nothing that I can do about the past."

I like the title of your poem, but overall, it doesn't seem like much of a poem. You can actually put the lines together to make a grammatically correct paragraph:

Screaming rings in the corridors of my mind... I can't seem to make it stop. It's filled with pain, remorse and guilt. But most of all, It's mixed with sadness and hate. I hate every thing that's happened to me. But there's nothing that I can do about the past. All I can try to hope for is a better future, one that isn't filled with pain. I'm writhing in anger that's mixed with pain. No one even cares that I'm alive. Here on Earth, I know that its not possible to be saved from this desolate hell. It's already sucked me in, and it's working its horrors upon me.
Nothing can save me now.

And if you're in Hell, why does it sa "Here on Earth"? Hmm... I think there's a lot to be improved in this poem like diction and structure, but I think it's a good start.
 

Posts in this topic


Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: