"Taking Time Apart" Options

[Legato]

Hello,

Im new here and I have a couple thoughts on my mind that could use some insight. I'll try and type this the best I can as Im not that great of a writer.

I suffer from depression. Its been an off and on thing for the last few months but recently became kind of "full blown" cause I let some issues stay unresolved with me for a long time. Now I've been going to counseling and stuff, doing my best to get support and learn how to get better.

The thing is, it kind of scared/upset my gf who I have been going out with for a little over a half a year. Now she wants to "take time apart" while I resolve my issues and some issues thats shes been having in her life I guess that I really dont know of or are sketchy about. We both expressed interest in getting back together after we resolve those issues, but the whole "time apart" deal does not make any sense at all to me. I mean everyone has problems. Some you can deal with, and some will always stay with you. For example, my depression. Its a medical condition alot of people have and it will always be there lingering in the background, but only I can make things better for myself to get back to my normal day by day life. I know thats going to take a little time though.

Do you think taking a break from each other (Although there was really no choice in it. We decided to stick together and support each other, then she broke it off a day or two later) was really beneficial at all? I really dont know whats going on in her life but do you think if we did happen to get together that it might cause problems for us in the future (unresolved issues of sorts)? Or does it kind of seem like an excuse/shield from something?

I hope I wrote that clear enough. Any advice on this would be very greatful. Feel free to ask me questions also

[lah-lah]

Hey there, Legato (musician by any chance?)

I just had to register and reply because I am in almost exactly the same position as... your girlfriend. Maybe this will help.

My boyfriend is grieving, having heard several months ago that his father is terminally ill. He may die next month or his deterioration might go on for years. He became more and more absent in our relationship and however much I tried to be there for him, quietly loving, he was emotionally shut down. This went on for some time. What made it harder was that we were in a long-distance relationship over 400 miles apart. I eventually initiated a long chat which went on for hours. It was starting to niggle me that I had made the mistake of silencing my needs so much that my boyfriend was starting to show signs of forgetting I had a life! Even if I had a crap day, I'd be upbeat and 'present' for my boyfriend because what he was going through was far worse than any of my hiccups!

Have you thought that maybe your girlfriend had got to the point that she felt she'd failed to make you feel better? Many of us girlies love to give out love and care. But if we see that what we are doing doesn't seem to make any difference then we may tend to feel as though we've failed. Also your girlfriend may need to raise her self-esteem again. I felt utterly lost and desperate when I suggested to the man I love most in all the world that he should, perhaps, have some time-out to find his feet again and when he felt he really could be equally there for me too, then he should get in touch. We parted in the knowledge that we will be thinking about one another all the time. God only knows if he ever will get in touch. It's been almost two weeks now...

Because my boyfriend was aware that the contact was more often than not coming from me, I needed to give him the space to come into his strength and come back to me in his own time. I didn't want him to love me just because I was doing all the hard work. The strongest way I could show him how much I love him was to let him go, although that may sound slightly confused!

It is very likely that your lovely girlfriend has given you the same gift of space. You should use it wisely and get out there and enjoy yourself. I am doing a skydive for charity! Do something that reminds you that your heart is beating.

Go well.
lah-lah xx