Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 Options

[*stephinika*]

originally started by faithin_felix.

You guys know how it works.




Dear CB diary,

Wow, it's been awhile since I've been in here. Europe was absolutely amazing, but I'm sad to be home. I missed my own bed and Adrian but other than that...I want to go back. I miss it so much. Now that I'm home, there's so much stress and so many stupid things to do...ugh, its driving me crazy. Fiddler practice yesterday was so frustrating because people are so stupid. At least I saw Adrian. That was absolutely wonderful. I love just being with him. I missed him so much. It made me so happy that he came to the airport to see me when I got back. It was a lovely surprise. It really was. Got sick when I got home though for a few days which really sucked. I'm feeling better now though...still tired. I want to see him again. I can't help being so...attached. I just love being with him and everything so much. We need to makeup for the time I wasn't here...

[xTINAA]

Julia, Naomi

Dear createBlog Diary,
Want to know something funny? It's like I get what I want but at the same time I don't. Something seems good but it's not. It's like I can never win. It's like I'm always messing up and everything is always my fault. And you know what else?? I'm sick of it. I always say I'm sick of it but god damnit I'm so sick of it right now because honestly everything is f**ked up and all of my priorities are messed up. I'm so angry and so frustrated.

You know, I got the courage to do something that I really think none of my friends could have really done. I asked him to prom. The guy who I love who f**king broke my heart. The one who ignored me for months. The one who puposefully ignored my calls. YEAH, him. And go figure, he said yes. You would think that that would be the hardest part, but oh, you would be very, very wrong. Silly, stupid me. I thought that it would be fine to have the guy I love as my date but I was very wrong. It's not fine. I get sh*t from everyone about it. Not only do I have to get sh*t from people but he does too. Drama. Unnecessary bullshit drama. And it f**king pisses me off because really it's noone else's business and there is no need for them to stick their noses in it and talk their sh*t. Of course though, no one understands that and people are always going to talk. Not only is this causing drama for both him and myself but it ruined plans. Lovely, I get the date I want but no one likes him. No one wants me to go with him. Oh and what else? Yeah I have no motherf**king group to go in. f**king WONDERFUL. Oh, oh and want to know another funny thing? IT'S MY FAULT. Go f**king figure that everything bad that happens to me is my motherf**king fault. This is so f**king stupid. Does anyone f**king understand why I didn't want to go now? ANYONE. I mean f**k, not only is f**king going to prom a financial burden but now I can't even go with my friends and me and my date get sh*t for going together. f**k this sh*t. Goddamnit, I have more important things to worry about but instead this stupid bullshit consumes my time.

Lets see. How many hours have I spend studying for the IB exams? HOW ABOUT NONE. f**k. Again, MY FAULT. But seriously I'm getting so much stress from f**king prom as it is that IB exams are not something else I want to be thinking about. Not only do I get stress from prom but my ass gets bitched at about college too. I'm f**king sorry my sorry ass can't get scholarships or that FAFSA won't help us out but GOD DAMNIT, I'm the motherf**king child so why do the financial burdens get passed down to me? They are the parents and it's their job to f**king deal with that sh*t. Not me. Damnit. I don't need them to stand there telling me that I can't go to college because of financial problems if I worked my ass off for four motherf**king years just so I could get into a motherf**king university. So f**k that sh*t. It's not my fault if I've applied for 20+ scholarships and got nothing in return. What the hell am I supposed to do? Want me to get job solely dedicated to college? f**k. Take away all of the free time that I have left that isn't being spent at school or church. I can never f**king do anything right or please anyone. Freaking damn failure. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but holy f**king sh*t, you don't tell your child, one that's worked hard for years to please you, that they still did somethign wrong.

Damnit. f**king IB exams are this week. My two hardest tests of course have to be in the first f**king week. YES. I get to fail at something else. I get to feel like an idiot once again. WOW. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to sit there for hours and fail miserably at a test. I'm so excited to walk as a "IB diploma candidate" knowing good and well that I'm not going to get the diploma. What a f**king retard I am. I screwed up so bad. Just wow. Not only am I failing two classes but my ass is gonna fail all the IB exams and I'm not going to get the diploma even though I wasted four years of my motherf**king life taking that f**king hell hole program. And for what? FOR NOTHING. Damnit. I seriously hate this.

sh*t is so f**king messed up and I don't know what to do. I know Phillip is really trying hard to be really good about this whole prom deal, I know. But at the same time I know what he really wants or how he really feels and I can't please him if I'm trying to please myself or if I'm trying to please everyone else. NOTHING WORKS OUT. He doesn't want to go with them. I do. They don't want him to come either. And we can't go anyway. f**k. And I don't want to go in the other group either. f**k that sh*t. Be the only half Korean in the whole god damn group and not only that but I'm not even friends with all of those people. UGH just everything is messed up for EVERYTHING. Senior year is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be easy. Senior prom is supposed to be a blast. It's supposed to be spent with friends. NONE OF THAT IS HAPPENING FOR ME. Instead senior year has been filled with deaths, heartbreak, stress, burdens, tears, fights, drama, and whatever else. f**k this motherf**king sh*t I'm so f**king sick of it all. UGH. And it's too late for me to do anything...
-Me.