Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 |
| *stephinika* |
 Mar 26 2006, 03:27 PM
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#1
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originally started by faithin_felix.
You guys know how it works. Dear CB diary, Wow, it's been awhile since I've been in here. Europe was absolutely amazing, but I'm sad to be home. I missed my own bed and Adrian but other than that...I want to go back. I miss it so much. Now that I'm home, there's so much stress and so many stupid things to do...ugh, its driving me crazy. Fiddler practice yesterday was so frustrating because people are so stupid. At least I saw Adrian. That was absolutely wonderful. I love just being with him. I missed him so much. It made me so happy that he came to the airport to see me when I got back. It was a lovely surprise. It really was. Got sick when I got home though for a few days which really sucked. I'm feeling better now though...still tired. I want to see him again. I can't help being so...attached. I just love being with him and everything so much. We need to makeup for the time I wasn't here... |
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Replies
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Apr 26 2006, 06:59 PM
Post
#2
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 Day's Nearly Over  Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 4,553 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 45,183 |
cbdiary,
I hate this feeling of emptiness. I really really don't want to do work because I really really don't want to do anything at all. I am so empty inside. I just want to bleed just to know that I am still alive and there's still someone inside of me. I'm trying so hard to resist the urge. I just want to shut everyone out of my life... maybe perhaps except for the few people who I need to talk to just get by everyday. Is it right to wish every single day that something would kill you so suddenly? Why do I feel this way? Why am I so confused? I hate this. I'm not like all other teenagers. Don't f**king categorize me. I am not like all other people. I try so hard to hold on and appear strong to some people. Do they know how hard it is to smile and pretend like nothing is wrong? People need to know that maybe I'm not always so cheery cause maybe I have no life and I don't want to cheer up. Don't bring your problems to me and ruin my good day. I don't want to cry in front of people because that will show that I'm officially weak. I'm still holding on strong enough. I'm still here. A couple of weeks back, I tried to get as much tylenol from a friend as possible in hopes that overdosing can lead to something so much worse. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. I am so hopeless. Did you know I spent an entire class yesterday, writing on a piece of paper over & over again: "What is my greatest fear?" A close friend (at least, she's close to me) had asked me the very same question I asked her. For 40 minutes, I pointed out to myself that I fear nothing.. so why the hell do I feel this way? I am so broken and I don't think I can be fixed. I really want to cry right now... I feel so pathetic. This is so stupid. I am so stupid. I know I'll never be with the one person I want to be with. Why am I holding on? I know there's nothing for me at the end of this road. Why is it that I'm still trying so hard to impress her? I won't give her up... but I give up on my life in general. There is no point. Absolutely none. |
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Posts in this topic
stephinika Createblog Diary Mar 26 2006, 03:27 PM
lolita kitty dear cb diary,
yesterday was so fun.
i wont type ... Mar 26 2006, 03:53 PM Phoenixx Dear Cb Diary,
Lately I have been very tired and... Mar 26 2006, 03:57 PM jooleeah dear createblog diary,
i hate knowing that i'l... Mar 26 2006, 09:27 PM Teesa Dear CB Diary,
So, not much has changed since my ... Mar 27 2006, 01:58 AM stephinika Dear CB Diary,
God I love him. I keep having funn... Mar 29 2006, 01:19 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
I'm so happy that April is ri... Mar 29 2006, 01:25 PM xoxo_koala_kisses_ Dear CB Diary,
SOMEBODY ASKED ME TO PROM. Mar 29 2006, 04:22 PM chaneun Dear cB diary:
I want to move out.. now. I don... Mar 30 2006, 07:50 PM x__Elle. Dear cB Diary,
My birthday's in five days. =)... Mar 30 2006, 07:56 PM stephinika Dear cB diary,
Not now. Not today. I did NOT need... Mar 30 2006, 09:29 PM tic tac. Dear cB diary,
So, today sucked. SHE was flirting... Mar 30 2006, 09:44 PM jooleeah dear cb diary,
no.
i can't.
i won't.
but i... Mar 30 2006, 09:51 PM silver rain Dear CB Diary,
Meh. Today wasn't such a great... Mar 30 2006, 10:21 PM Angelina Taylor Dear cb diary:
I wish he cared.. I really do. Eve... Apr 1 2006, 11:04 AM Teesa Dear CB Diary,
This spring break flew by so fast ... Apr 1 2006, 10:48 PM jooleeah Dear Createblog Diary,
Legs ache.
Tired.
Sick of p... Apr 1 2006, 11:42 PM M1SSxCHR1SSY Julia, I freaking love you. Talk to me if you feel... Apr 2 2006, 03:43 PM Flavored Condom Dear CB diary,
I'm using my brother's com... Apr 3 2006, 06:44 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
It's April, and as sad as I ca... Apr 4 2006, 11:03 AM jooleeah Chrissy, I love you more. Same to you if you'r... Apr 4 2006, 07:57 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
I should be having the time of my ... Apr 4 2006, 11:38 PM stephinika Dear cB diary,
Why am I so constantly paranoid? W... Apr 5 2006, 01:15 AM lilxl0ser dear cB,
it's been awhile huh? well, nothing n... Apr 6 2006, 08:46 PM hello moto dear cb diary,
i know this feeling all too well. ... Apr 8 2006, 02:15 AM I own yourr face. Dear cb Diary,
I'm such a dork. I need to get... Apr 8 2006, 02:41 AM jooleeah auntysandy: because boys suck. :[ the end. i love ... Apr 8 2006, 11:32 AM YoGrandpaIsFine Dear cB Diary,
Spring break! Anyway, the sch... Apr 8 2006, 10:08 PM jooleeah dear cb diary,
it amazes me how sometimes i spill ... Apr 8 2006, 11:02 PM M1SSxCHR1SSY Dear cB Diary,
Needless to say, I'm totally c... Apr 9 2006, 02:34 AM lolita kitty Dear Cb Diary.
I hate the feeling of being new to... Apr 10 2006, 12:26 AM rtc_nospeakenglish While walking to Church today with my phony mother... Apr 10 2006, 12:30 AM lilxl0ser dear cB,
i'm a terrible person. no really i am... Apr 10 2006, 10:08 PM M1SSxCHR1SSY Dear cB diary,
I can't stop crying. Please, I... Apr 10 2006, 11:17 PM lolita kitty Chrissy
Ilu.
Dear cb diary,
I found this on mys... Apr 10 2006, 11:57 PM viola_winnie Dear cB diary,
i cant finish a simple step!ju... Apr 11 2006, 05:46 AM maryissa Dear cB diary,
Afaid. Suckness Spring Break Ever... Apr 11 2006, 03:31 PM jooleeah dear cb diary,
i hate it when i'm in this kind... Apr 12 2006, 02:20 PM Teesa Dear CB Diary,
Hello. I guess right now, I am doi... Apr 12 2006, 05:46 PM jooleeah Dear Createblog Diary,
So, yeah. I feel better now... Apr 12 2006, 09:32 PM viola_winnie Dear Createblog Diary,
i feel quite.........since... Apr 12 2006, 10:25 PM stephinika Dear cB diary...
Augh. I hate this. I'm the m... Apr 13 2006, 03:45 PM jennypie dear cB diary,
Last night was so, so, so amazing.... Apr 14 2006, 04:04 PM lolita kitty Dear cb diary,
I can't f**king take this. My ... Apr 16 2006, 01:08 AM jooleeah dear cb diary,
i have no courage. haha. jose's... Apr 16 2006, 02:44 PM lilxl0ser dear cB,
as i find my world slowly rising to the p... Apr 16 2006, 10:37 PM jooleeah dear cb diary,
so i came home early today because ... Apr 17 2006, 11:10 AM mzkandi Dear Cb,
Today begins a new chapter of our lives.... Apr 17 2006, 02:08 PM Zatanna Dear cB,
The recurring theme of my life lately is... Apr 17 2006, 05:40 PM jooleeah Dear Createblog Diary,
I am the most selfish perso... Apr 17 2006, 10:07 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
I jumped to conclusions as I alway... Apr 18 2006, 01:47 PM M1SSxCHR1SSY Naomi,
I love you. Boys are stupid. I know you... Apr 18 2006, 06:18 PM stephinika Dear cB diary,
I really hate school sometimes. I ... Apr 19 2006, 06:28 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
I've made up my mind. I have t... Apr 20 2006, 05:33 PM jooleeah Dear Createblog Diary,
I'm empty. Hmmmmm. Apr 20 2006, 07:43 PM M1SSxCHR1SSY Dear cB Diary,
What the hell am I doing? UGH. Wha... Apr 21 2006, 07:22 PM jooleeah Dear Createblog Diary,
This is pathetic. I'm p... Apr 21 2006, 07:26 PM stephinika Dear cB diary,
Why? Why does this all have to hap... Apr 21 2006, 08:41 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
After a good cry last night (darn ... Apr 22 2006, 03:26 PM jooleeah Dear cB diary,
I know, that by the end of this wee... Apr 24 2006, 03:37 PM helllla jankyyyy Dear cB diary,
its been a while huh? well i have ... Apr 24 2006, 05:51 PM Intoxique Dear cB Diary,
I wanna break down & cry. I ca... Apr 24 2006, 07:54 PM jooleeah dear cb diary,
i am so tired of getting the f**kin... Apr 25 2006, 09:56 PM elainedcuzunome dear cb diary,
why did that b*tch end up with hi... Apr 26 2006, 10:39 PM Kathleen Dear cB diary,
NO ONE READ "ALTRUISM" AN... Apr 27 2006, 10:17 PM islandgirl4eva ^^ The writing forum is a lot more inactive now.
... Apr 28 2006, 12:48 AM lolita kitty Dear cb diary.
Good day. bad afternoon.
I started... Apr 28 2006, 03:33 PM jooleeah dear cb diary,
there must be something seriously w... Apr 29 2006, 08:02 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
This is going to sound so superfic... Apr 30 2006, 11:58 PM M1SSxCHR1SSY Julia, Naomi
Dear createBlog Diary,
Want to kn... May 1 2006, 02:19 AM elainedcuzunome Dear cB Diary,
this year has been cruel to me. i ... May 1 2006, 03:43 PM Days Nearly Over dear cbdiary...
i am not sure but...
i think i a... May 2 2006, 09:44 PM priyas Dear CB Diary,
Today we talked. It was so awesome... May 2 2006, 10:49 PM stephinika Dear cB diary,
I'm so sick of just about ever... May 2 2006, 11:42 PM elainedcuzunome Dear cB diary,
today was one of the worst days of... May 3 2006, 02:12 PM priyas Dear CB Diary,
So much drama in 1 school day. I f... May 3 2006, 07:52 PM Statues/Shadows I AM SO motherf**king SICK OF HEARING ABOUT PROM
... May 4 2006, 03:41 PM stephinika Dear cB diary,
So today was pretty effed up. It s... May 4 2006, 06:38 PM emazing Dear cB diary,
Eee. I keep on procrastinating ab... May 5 2006, 11:54 AM jooleeah thanks chrissy
dear cb diary,
i feel uneasy. lik... May 5 2006, 05:01 PM priyas I AM IN LOVE. END OF STORY. May 6 2006, 12:55 AM stephinika Dear cB diary...
Why is it whenever I have a good... May 6 2006, 01:41 AM helllla jankyyyy ^ Feel better n remember you can talk to me.
Dear... May 6 2006, 02:06 AM silver rain Dear cb Diary,
Blah, there's only about 26 mo... May 6 2006, 12:14 PM stephinika Thanks Lo.
Dear cB diary...
I'm feeling bet... May 6 2006, 01:28 PM YoGrandpaIsFine Dear cB Diary,
One more month. :\ I don... May 6 2006, 10:30 PM Teesa Dear CB Diary,
Well, this is the home stretch. Fi... May 6 2006, 10:55 PM jooleeah Dear Createblog Diary,
It's sad when I need so... May 6 2006, 11:05 PM islandgirl4eva ^^ Julia, love...it's because people are idiot... May 6 2006, 11:29 PM dancingkait dear cb diary
so he came over last night and we h... May 7 2006, 01:19 PM waccoon I loooove Christa. May 7 2006, 01:20 PM
marzipan QUOTE(waccoon @ May 7 2006, 1:20 PM) I lo... May 7 2006, 01:21 PM waccoon QUOTE(marzipan @ May 7 2006, 2:21 PM) ...... May 7 2006, 01:23 PM marzipan QUOTE(waccoon @ May 7 2006, 1:23 PM) Um w... May 7 2006, 01:24 PM tainted_angel Dear cB Diary,
Well, he's here. He came home ... May 7 2006, 01:36 PM oX_Muh_Nirvana_Xo Dear Cb Diary,
These past few days with h... May 7 2006, 02:54 PM lilxl0ser dear cB,
i'm tired. eeeks! i'm just ti... May 7 2006, 08:55 PM jooleeah Naomi, I know. :[ I hate it when people like them ... May 7 2006, 10:21 PM islandgirl4eva Dear cB diary,
I find that cleaning makes me happ... May 9 2006, 02:15 PM |
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