Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 |
Createblog Diary, Version 8.0 |
*stephinika* |
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#1
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originally started by faithin_felix.
You guys know how it works. Dear CB diary, Wow, it's been awhile since I've been in here. Europe was absolutely amazing, but I'm sad to be home. I missed my own bed and Adrian but other than that...I want to go back. I miss it so much. Now that I'm home, there's so much stress and so many stupid things to do...ugh, its driving me crazy. Fiddler practice yesterday was so frustrating because people are so stupid. At least I saw Adrian. That was absolutely wonderful. I love just being with him. I missed him so much. It made me so happy that he came to the airport to see me when I got back. It was a lovely surprise. It really was. Got sick when I got home though for a few days which really sucked. I'm feeling better now though...still tired. I want to see him again. I can't help being so...attached. I just love being with him and everything so much. We need to makeup for the time I wasn't here... |
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*jooleeah* |
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#2
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dear cb diary,
i hate it when i'm in this kind of mood. i hate being f**king introspective. and i hate thinking about the damned past. i hate feeling lonely. all the f**king time. uhg. you know, i finally realized why i've never had a serious boyfriend. it's because i'm too damned scared. scared that once he finds out that i'm not just that silly/friendly girl everyone thinks i am. scared that he's gonna find out that i'm just really a cold, mean, and bitchy girl on the inside. no boy could EVER prepare for that part of me. when i wish i just had someone to talk to, to be held, to be loved and all that shit, i realize that that's not reality. i don't think i'll ever find someone like that. it's seeming like it's impossible now. sucks, doesn't it? you know what else sucks? pretending to be happy for someone else. and you know what else? these damned people keep on f**king bothering me to be "happy". i can't be happy if you're going to complain about how shitty i feel. i can't be happy if you keep on TRYING to f**king piss me off. i can't feel goddamned happy if you make fun of me. just shut the f**k up and leave me the f**k alone. youknow, i look at all these girls at school when theyre passing by me through the hallways with their boyfriends. most of them are just whores and sluts [i use that word rarely] who go out with a different guy each day. what makes them so lovable? what makes them good enough to go out with? what makes them be good enough for their hands to be held, for the bodies to be hugged, for their boyfriends to say "i love you" to them each and every single day? am i just the kind of person who doesn't deserve that kind of stuff? am i not as lovable as they are? i'll admit it. i am jealous. but who wouldn't be when you're feelnig this damned lonely? why can't i get that feeling where you like someone? i haven't liked someone in so long. what am i goddamned waiting for? nothing, i guess. i just don't find anyone i know around me interesting enough to like. no, it's not that. it's just..i don't like anyone. and it really sucks. AHSDKFHSDKHSDFKH. i'm so bitter. it's terrible, isn't it? whatever. i'm just ranting and being bitchy right now. i'll come back later. |
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