im so confused, im torn between 2 guys and i need advice Options

[sweet lady 21]

I am a current freshamn at my school. Lately a lot of things in my life have been going wrong. Last Valentines Day my grandmother died and I still can't get over it. i was infected with a virus called Bells Pasley, it makes the left side of your face not move as much as your right side of your face, so if I smile, my right side of my mouth is bigger than the left side, and my right eye is bigger than the left eye. I pretty much can't really control my left side as much but I'm getting better you can barely tell at all but every since then I've been really inscrue about my looks.

I have a boyfriend, he's a juinor at a different school and he lives far but still in the same state. His mom hates me, she thinks I'm a slut and that I makes her son do bad things, which I don't and I even try to make him better and treat her better too even if she hates me. Because he lives far and his mom hates me I cant see him a lot, like maybe once a month or once in 2 months and I cant call him, he has to call me so that his mom won't yell at me and he won't get introuble. But we talk a lot on the phone. We talk until we fall asleep on the phone and hes my first real boyfriend.But lately hes been acting like a jerk. He has a lot to do and he doesn't have time to talk to me anymore, some what like depriving me. But when we do hav time he acts up and fights with me. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm some kind of an object that he can play with and sometimes i feel as if his games are more important than me. Yes I love him. We've been together for about a year and 2 months and we've gone through a lot together.

Before my boyfriend, I met this guy, we never officailly went out but we treated eachother as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We`ve known eachother for about 2 years, and even if we dont talk a lot, he still manages to keep in touch and to call me at the randomest times. We never really saw eachother because he lives in a different state but we talked every night like my current boyfriend and when my grandmother was dying he was there for me and he was going to try to visit me because my grandmother and family live near him and he always told me that he hopes everything was going to be fine and that God is always with me. He always inspired me to be better and be strong. He's smart, also a junior, I love his style, we both love nikes and we have so much in common. A couple days ago he called and asked me for girl advise and I told him what to do because he was really nervous. He started to talk bout how come I can't live where he is. I used to live in the same state he was but I moved. He said he needed a girl like me over there. He was so sweet and everything but I knew he liked this other girl so I didnt think about it. A couple days later I called him, me and my friends were bored and we needed guy advice. We were talking and he kept on making me laugh and I asked him bout the girl and if he asked her out yet and he sed that she was a no show so I felt bad for him and told him that it was okay and that he's hot and he'll find another girl which he is really fine. My friends and I asked him why couldn't a guy like him live where we live and he responed why couldn't a girl like me live near him.But I started to tell him about my relationship and how everything was going and I asked what i shud do, his answer was he couldn't give me advice because he likes me and he doesn't want to take advantage of me and my heart started to melt because he was the one who got away, he was the one I really liked but we could never be because of the distance. Then we went off topic and then I told him I felt fatt because I ate a lot, and then he sed I bet your the most beautiful girl out of all your friends and I sed don't talk before you see them because there so much prettier than me and he sed and you think that will change my feelings about you? and he made me feel so speshul and I hadnt felt that from my boyfriend for a long time and I told him he was confusing me and that I really don't know what to do with my boyfriend he told me that he really can't give me advice and that the only advice he could give me was that I need to keep doing good in school and that he wished everything was going to be fine with me and my boyfriend and even if I was crying he still managed to make me laugh and smile. He also told me that i HAD TO go to UCLA with him even if I'm just a freshman and he's a junior, he wud wait for me and I asked him what would he give me if i did go and he sed the world. It was so sweet then I told him I feel so ugly and he said no your not your beautiful and I was like your just saying that to make me feel better and he was like come on, I'm a junior and I've seen so many girls and yes dere pretty but I know they're out of my league and that they're just sluts and whores, but you no not you, your diferent your the most beautiful girl I've ever met and I love how you know what you want to be and you focus on school too and I love that and then I wished he hadn't said that, he made me fall for him agen. When it got late he said he was going to go so I said okay and he sed okay and we kept on going back and forth like that then he sed okay now I'm really going to go and the same thing happened then I was like I thought you said you were going to go and he was like okay for real I'm going to go and he said good night, sweet dreams and bye. He made it seem like he really didn't want to go and I really didn't want him to go.

He made me realize that I still have feelings for him and now I don't know which one to pick. Yes I still love my boyfriend but I loved this guy too. and im so confused. me and my boyfriend fight but no mores perfect but this guy makes me feel so great. but then agen i havent met him and maybe hes the best guy on the fone but theres another side to him. but i really like him and i kno he wud understand me better. but long distance never works and it hurts to know that i cant have wut i love. but the question is what shud i do with my boyfriend?

[sweet lady 21]

yes I havent met this guy either but i`ve known him longer and we had a long distance together before my boyfriend and i kno it never works. but the problem is i still feel the same way about my bf but i feel like i wud be cheating on him if i were to like this guy too.