How far would you go?, ..oral sex & then sex?.. Options

[xXMomoBubbleTeaX...]

[font=Century Gothic]Honestly I don't want the opinion of people who haven't had much experience in sexual relations.. I don't mean this to be mean or anything it's jusst that people who've gone through what I've gone through can probably relate more && I think they'll give me a better understanding.. Anyways going on..

I have this problem.. Me & my boyfriend of 5 monthes have been getting deeper && deeper into our relationship.. not jusst personally, but physically.. I feel like my body is saying yes, but my mind is saying no, because I've been the prude girl ever since 8th grade.. && wouldn't you know I'm in 9th grade right now...&& I have no clue what to do.. I haven't given him head or anything, but he's eatin me out before.. it doesn't feel good.. but alot of my friends says it's suppose to.. so he must be doin it wrong or something.. the only thing I've done with him is make out with him && give him a hand job.. When you're in the heat of the moment it doesn't sound as bad as it does..

But yeahh anyways.. we're getting closer && closer to that point where I might not be a virgin for long anymore.. I mean soon he's going to be a senior && I'm going to be a sophmore next school year && then he'll be going off to college.. && he already knows that he wants to marry me && have a family with me.. but sometimes I think he's not the one.. but then at the same time.. He could have gone to Cali, but he decided not to because he's in love with me.. idk.. but yeahh at times he seems like he's the most perfect guy in the whole world.. but then at other times I feel like I don't even know him.. && then the age difference gets to us && he calls me immature like when we get into fights.. Also btw my friends hate him, but I really think it's one of those things where they have to get to know him before they can really judge him..

But the only reason why they don't like him is b/c what I've told them.. && the only time I talk to my friends alott about him is when me & him are going through tough times && I need them there for support.. but don't get me wrong I try to explain to them the good stuff to... && that he can be a complete sweet heart.. This year with me && him has been a bumpy one.. but this is also the longest relationship I've ever been into && it's the same for him...

I feel like if I give this up I could be doin something wrong like being scared of commitment like I did in the past.. Then at the same time I feel like maybe I'm jusst holding on to him, b/c I want to prove to myself that I don't have commitment problems.. Then it's like holding onto him for the wrong reasons..

What I'm really asking is.. if I should get over the whole commitment stage && stay with him.. or jusst maybe try seeing what else is out there.. but we've broken up three times this year && got back together.. && I think if I break us up a 4th time they'll be no gettin him back.. && he's the only guy I've actually trusted with my body && some of my really personal thoughts... Also I really want to know if it's safe for me to take it to the next level.. like I'm a freshman && I'm about to be a sophmore.. && basically.. all my friends in high school are not virgins anymore.. but then I don't want an unplanned pregnancy to happen.. && thats the only reason holding me back from doing it with him.. && I could never get an abortion if anything..

Also my best friend has been by my side through all of it.. She's kind of disappointed in me II can see it in her eyes.. b/c we used to both be the cute girls together.. && the prudest girls alive that all the guys wanted to try to get into their pants but we wouldn't let it happen.. && now I've basically broken that.. I don't want to lose my purity.. but then it's like I've already lost it... I'm confused.. I jusst need some feed back..a comment or something would be nice.. Thanks.. && if you need anymore details like when we weren't together for about a week he kissed the girl that I absolutely hated.. keep that in your thoughts too.. && guess what?.. He still talks to her.. soo yeahh.. We jusst had a fight about last week about that.. b/c he kept it a secret from me.. soo..

Thanks for taking time to read a bit of my sad life..

[me1issaaaa]

Okay, I hate to point this out, but you're only in the 9th grade. I know, you think you're in love or you'll fall in love. I've been there too, but you're pretty young to be doing things like this. And if it doesn't feel good, it's a sign saying that YOU'RE NOT READY NOW. 5 months may seem like a long time, but it's not... just don't do anything you'll regret. It's SO easy to screw things up when you never meant to in the first place.