bf broke up with me..., so confused.... Options

[lilnatcat]

my bf went overseas holiday for 1 month, and in that 1 month he never came online so we could'nt talk to each other... we had just passed valentines day, our 3 months and 100 days......

he came back last sunday, and broke up with me a few days ago on thursday.....

i asked him for a reason and he told me that "university's starting.... and i have to go to university monday to friday... i don't have any time" coz both of us are at different universities...... but we live really close to each other.....

i asked him if there was any way we could turn back and he just shook his head....
i was really shocked and didn't know what else to say or ask.... coz at that time i was trying my best to hold my tears back... i started sniffing a lot trying to hold those tears back.... he asked "r u ok? do u want me to walk u home?" he seemed to still really care about me....

On Friday, i went to his house to give back the sketchbook i borrowed off him, which i had drawn something in it and had a message in it.... the letter i wrote when he was overseas....... and the letter i wrote on the same friday morning


I asked him if he ever loved me, and he said that he did but the feeling's all gone.
I was really upset, I don't know if he's lying or not..... because would'nt he have told me that yesterday when i asked for the reason for the break up? It seemed so sudden when he said it to my face...... and his frd says that it doesn't seem like him to do such a thing like that

But what i'm so confused about it, when he told me that he had no feelings for me anymore the day AFTER we broke up was he lying? did something force him to make that choice? or was it for the sake of university that he decided to give up on me? he's a great guy, he's done so many sweet things, I always wanted to cry at the time he did each of those things but held it al back coz i didn't want to show him that i was actually fragile and sensitive on the inside. i always thought that i was a strong person on the inside and outside, but i guess......... on the inside its not strong at all........

I'm really upset..... eversince thursday, i've been crying a lot......... So many things remind me of him..........i can't help it but cry..... and i have to wait infront of the park he broke up with me for the bus to get to my university......for the next 4 yrs.............. the park is really close to both of our houses.....

I hope all of you can give me ur opinions and what u think................. i really appreciate it if u read all of this till the end and give me some advice.... because.... i consider him as my 1st bf eventhough he isn't.... what makes me say that is because he's the very very first guy i actually love.... and i do mean it... i've never felt so emotional and painful in my whole life before. I don't think I would ever know what love is if I never met him......

[lilnatcat]

I really thought he was Mr Right....... been frds for 4 yrs and several months...... also all those high school memories....... thinking back to graduation & formal/prom night which was 23rd September 2005, he was my partner (but we didn't confess to each other that we liked each other until few weeks later).... it was supposed to be a great night to remember, but now when i look back.... whether it'd be memories or photos... i just start crying......

He looked into the future so much..... marriage... kids.... and back then he said he really wanted me to go to Japan with him this September with his whole family..... what makes me think now is did he ever think when we were going out about this university problem that we had now? I thought if he truly loved me, he'd stay with me............. thats what i really believed in....

Some of my frds who know about this think that he's lying... that he still loves me..... but this break up happened so sudden i felt like I just got thrown into a corner like a doll like he's finished with me.....

I thought we could still be together.......in that 1 month when he was overseas, i thought it over carefully and decided to give it all I got to keep our relationship together, I see & envy so many couples that are still together when they're far apart from each other coz of uni like the situation me and him are in......

I was really happy with him regardless what we did. I hoped we'd go into a long term relationship..... I know "I love you" is said a lot nowadays but..... I've never said it before..... its the 1st time I've actually said those words to a guy in person and actually seriously meant it.....

I thought for sure he was the right guy for me since we had things in common....we never had any fights or arguements.... &....he still broke my heart.....

University starts for me this coming Tuesday.... I don't know how i'm going to cope with uni when this happened few days ago......