Choke |
 Feb 16 2006, 01:04 AM
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#1
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 I just "got it like that".  Group: Member Posts: 247 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,238  |
Choke me
Use both hands Pull me apart strand by strand Crush into pieces and bury into sand How am i supposed to know exactly who i am? I feel like shit....and.... there's nothing i can do about it. Don't love me. Why bother? While im drowning in shallow water? you broke me maybe all for the better my heart in a blender but wouldn't you know it?... i kept every one of your letters. and i feel like shit... but you dont know the half Im lonely but im not crying these arent tears i just have something in my eye two storys told One story ... lie. and i feel like shit... and you can never get enough I hate you. |
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| *wind&fire* |
Feb 17 2006, 07:38 AM
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#2
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its good but are you trying to rhyme? because your rhyming couplets are everywhere and dont conform...
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Feb 21 2006, 01:04 AM
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#3
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I just "got it like that". Group: Member Posts: 247 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,238 |
QUOTE(wind&fire @ Feb 17 2006, 7:38 AM)  its good but are you trying to rhyme? because your rhyming couplets are everywhere and dont conform... LMFAO!!!  Since when does poetry have to rhyme? Or, "conform" for that matter. It doesn't. But thank you very much for your feedback everyone. |
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Posts in this topic
razbus Choke Feb 16 2006, 01:04 AM
Blow_Don't_SUCK QUOTE(wind&fire @ Feb 17 2006, 7:38 A... Feb 25 2006, 01:04 AM
Paradox of Life I agree with wind&fire. The rhyming scheme is ... Feb 17 2006, 06:00 PM Bobblehead425 Hmm. Wow. I Love It.
Very Drama-esque.
Strongly ... Feb 18 2006, 01:50 PM wind&fire oh so you werent rhyming? then its good... i was j... Feb 22 2006, 03:32 AM xxxSiERRAxxx Wow...that was beautiful!
Well, I was gonna c... Feb 24 2006, 05:02 PM razbus QUOTE(xxxSiERRAxxx @ Feb 24 2006, 5:02 PM... Feb 24 2006, 10:40 PM oX_Muh_Nirvana_Xo wo0ow it seems like your about to kill your self o... Feb 24 2006, 05:04 PM ranniel i like it sometimes i feel like that. Feb 24 2006, 07:21 PM xxxSiERRAxxx Haha...I was just so happy when I saw that poem...... Feb 25 2006, 12:11 AM iNyCxShoRT For some reason, this poem seems like a rap to me.... Feb 25 2006, 01:10 AM |
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