Change is inevitable, right? Options

[me1issaaaa]

So, I really don't know who to talk to about this. I don't really want to tell my mom, because I don't want her to hate him and say, "I told you so". I don't know what to say to my best friend, because she's never been in this situation. ANd I can't talk to Drew, because... the problem is him and he just doesn't understand where I'm coming from. So I'm at the point to where I really don't care anymore, I'm so confused.


For the last year and three weeks, my boyfriend Drew and I have been happier than I could have ever imagined. Everything was just amazing in every way, and I thought we were both actually the perfect couple together.

Friday afternoon, he called like he always does, everything's fine, we're just a little tired because it's Friday. Then I don't hear from him until around 11 that night. He calls, I answer the phone, and he says "We need to talk". And you know it's not good after that.

He said he wants space. The thing is... he's 700 miles away. (How much more space does a person need?) He says he wants to hang out with his friends until 4 in the morning like he used to before his accident Backtrack: in October, he was in an accident and was hospitalized. Ever since then, though he's completely recovered, he hasn't been the same person; It's like he's not as attentive, he doesn't show the same emotions, he had been lying to me about stupid things. All of that.

We were just so happy that I guess we figured that we would be together forever. I mean, as stupid as it sounds, we really did think it would turn out that way. But now he doesn't want to talk about our future, our marriage, the fact that we're engaged now, our children we had hoped to have, any of it. He says he doesn't want to think about the future because he can't guarentee that any of it will happen. I understand where he's coming from, but I'm the type of person who wants to talk about those things because God knows I would drop everything and marry that boy tomorrow. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and it kills me to know that he has the slightest bit of doubt about it all.

After I had been crying all that night and most of the day after, he called around 3 that afternoon and wanted to say that he didn't mean it the way he said it. He doesn't want to break up, but he doesn't want to have the responsibility to call every single night. I understand that he doesn't have to, but why wouldn't he want to?

I suppose I pretty much shot myself in the foot for this one. I've basically rearranged my entire life to fit around his schedule because all I want to do is talk to him, and I don't really think that's healthy.




So... do you think I brought this upon myself? Any advice?


I have never felt so utterly confused. A little embracement or something would help. I hope someone understands what I'm trying to say.

[*Programmer*]

well..i was cheering for you guys...from the get go.... i knew the relationship was long distance...sorry if this seems cold...but obviously...he doesn't feel the same way anymore...best bet is to cut your losses...and move on....because your only going to bring yourself pain if you don't...trust me i was once in a relationship for over 5 years....please im begging you cut your losses...

[*mipadi*]

well..i was cheering for you guys...from the get go....   i knew the relationship was long distance...sorry if this seems cold...but obviously...he doesn't feel the same way anymore...best bet is to cut your losses...and move on....because your only going to bring yourself pain if you don't...trust me i was once in a relationship for over 5 years....please im begging you cut your losses...

I disagree. Part of being in a relationship is making things work, not just bailing as soon as things get tough. If they've made it work this long, they should at least make an attempt to make it continue to work.

[*Programmer*]

I disagree. Part of being in a relationship is making things work, not just bailing as soon as things get tough. If they've made it work this long, they should at least make an attempt to make it continue to work.

listen....i agree with you that they should try to work it out....but...there over 700 miles apart and that alone is a crippler right there....and to top that the guy drew is asking for more space...he obviously does not want to work anything out....

[*mipadi*]

listen....i agree with you that they should try to work it out....but...there over 700 miles apart and that alone is a crippler right there....and to top that the guy drew is asking for more space...he obviously does not want to work anything out....

I'm not sure that's the right conclusion. As I pointed out in my earlier anecdote, sometimes when guys are hanging out with their friends, they don't have an opportune time to call their girlfriend. I could be wrong, but he doesn't seem to be saying that he never wants to call, just that he doesn't want to feel obligated to do so if he happens to be out with some friends.