Change is inevitable, right? Options

[me1issaaaa]

So, I really don't know who to talk to about this. I don't really want to tell my mom, because I don't want her to hate him and say, "I told you so". I don't know what to say to my best friend, because she's never been in this situation. ANd I can't talk to Drew, because... the problem is him and he just doesn't understand where I'm coming from. So I'm at the point to where I really don't care anymore, I'm so confused.


For the last year and three weeks, my boyfriend Drew and I have been happier than I could have ever imagined. Everything was just amazing in every way, and I thought we were both actually the perfect couple together.

Friday afternoon, he called like he always does, everything's fine, we're just a little tired because it's Friday. Then I don't hear from him until around 11 that night. He calls, I answer the phone, and he says "We need to talk". And you know it's not good after that.

He said he wants space. The thing is... he's 700 miles away. (How much more space does a person need?) He says he wants to hang out with his friends until 4 in the morning like he used to before his accident Backtrack: in October, he was in an accident and was hospitalized. Ever since then, though he's completely recovered, he hasn't been the same person; It's like he's not as attentive, he doesn't show the same emotions, he had been lying to me about stupid things. All of that.

We were just so happy that I guess we figured that we would be together forever. I mean, as stupid as it sounds, we really did think it would turn out that way. But now he doesn't want to talk about our future, our marriage, the fact that we're engaged now, our children we had hoped to have, any of it. He says he doesn't want to think about the future because he can't guarentee that any of it will happen. I understand where he's coming from, but I'm the type of person who wants to talk about those things because God knows I would drop everything and marry that boy tomorrow. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and it kills me to know that he has the slightest bit of doubt about it all.

After I had been crying all that night and most of the day after, he called around 3 that afternoon and wanted to say that he didn't mean it the way he said it. He doesn't want to break up, but he doesn't want to have the responsibility to call every single night. I understand that he doesn't have to, but why wouldn't he want to?

I suppose I pretty much shot myself in the foot for this one. I've basically rearranged my entire life to fit around his schedule because all I want to do is talk to him, and I don't really think that's healthy.




So... do you think I brought this upon myself? Any advice?


I have never felt so utterly confused. A little embracement or something would help. I hope someone understands what I'm trying to say.

[*mipadi*]

I don't think it's that he never wants to call you. Let me use the example of my friend, Noah. Noah's been seeing this girl for almost three years. He's an awesome guy all-around. He values his friends, and his girlfriend, and he's always there for them, no matter what. He really values her as well--she's very important to him.

The thing is, she expects him to call every night, and text-message her before he goes to bed. She calls him all the time, too. (For clarification, I'm not saying you're as demanding as that, I'm just making an example.) Now, I respect that he's going to spend a lot of time with her, and even talk to her on the phone, or message her, when we're hanging out—and I certainly don't mind. Hell, I'd probably do the same if I was in a relationship, and one thing I try to avoid is being a hypocrite. But at the same time, when he's out with the guys, sometimes he just doesn't get a chance to call or text-message her. If we're out shooting pool, or driving around, or even just watching TV until the wee hours of the morning, he might neglect to call. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to her in general, but if he's hanging out with friends, he might not get a good opening to really talk to her.

My point is that your guy may be feeling the same way. It's not that he's never going to call you again, but he doesn't want to feel pressured to do so if he's hanging out with some friends.