Unsure where this is going.., any inputs or advice would make me :) Options

[seremela_culnamo]

Yes, it's me again..with my huge crush over Dean.

Anyway, I have no clue what's going on between us. This thing has been going on ever since the beginning of the school year and he found out sometime in October, that I had feelings for him. Nothing really has happened but for the past 2 days, we had to see one another, since we are in the same movie production for writer's craft.

Day 1 - Thursday:
I was extremely excited since he was coming over to my house, and that would make him the first guy ever (our age anyway) to come over, that's not a family friend's son of mines. Everyone was suppose to come around 3, but just before it, my best friend, Chloe, told me that she couldn't come for another 30 minutes. Then laughed at me as I freaked out since that would only mean Dean, Rex, and I alone at my house since everyone in the family was out. It got worse since we weren't even sure if Rex was coming since he had work. Well it turns out it was only Dean so it was a bit akward, but we both don't show it..much. Lol. He's such a gentleman. He doesn't come in unless he's told to. Anyway, the first thing he says is, "you look nice today" with a smile. I shyly smile back..blablabla..the day continues...We walk to McDonalds to find Rex. Chloe was walking up front, while Dean stayed behind to walk with me, since I'm terrified of walking on ice. So he kept on saying that I shouldn't worry, that if I fall, he would catch me. We get there, they ate some stuff, and we walked back to my house. That's when Dean found it funny if he started teasing me, by nudging me, to make me fall or something. I know he wouldn't let me fall, but meh, he was having fun. At one point, I almost fell over so I grabbed onto his shoulder. He then puts his arm around my waist, hugging me close and asking if I was alright. I was, but he had his arm around for awhile, and then yea..I guess he noticed it was a bit akward for the both of us, especially when Chloe turned around, smiled really hard, and turned away to cover herself from laughing. Not much happened for the rest of the day, except for us two nudging one another all the way back home, him wanting to stay for dinner but his dad wanted him home to decorate the house for his sibling's birthday the next day, us two playing [not really flirting] and before leaving, telling me he had a great day, what a great person i was out of nowhere and such. Oh dear. My family teased me for the rest of day and I'm not even going out with him!

Day Two - Friday:
Got an unexpected call from him - told me that he would drive me to Chloe's house to film, after we pick up Rex from a mall. Stupid silbings. Teased me until he came. Anyway, we get to her house eventually and we filmed. Not much happened. Except for him poking and touching me occasionally and at times, we ended up standing so close in front of one another. Thank goodness he's taller so we didn't have to look at one another. Lol. He didn't seem to like the part where Rex drags me under the bed [its a scary movie], especially having to do it 4 times to get it right. Seemed a bit like jealously, but I wasn't sure. Anyway, later on in the day, we had to do some car scenes. He was driving his truck, and Rex and I had to be in the back, in the opening. Rex didn't come but Dean made him since he was scared that while I filmed, I would fall out. Not good >< Well since I'm not that tall, Dean comes up behind me and lifts me up onto the back. My entire hand was numb and red from the wind, so when we finally stopped, after a huge cresent, I gave the camera to Rex and made to get off, while I was still wearing Dean's glove. He hurried around so I gave it back, but he gave it back and lifted me down. It was a bit akward, but he gave me a small hug and I gave a small one in return. Then we hurried back to those house since the camera ran out of batteries. The next scene, it was the other 3, but I wanted to watch. So I went outside, with Dean's glove, and he follows. So there we were, on the doorstep, watching the other 3 prepare. Dean hugs me close and told me he would warm me up, since I was still freezing from the car scene. But it was really my hands that were frozen so he takes them, and warms them up, apologizing that his hands weren't exactly warm either. But it continued long enough for us to be warm. Then we made to go in, since the camera was totally dead, and it was akward how Dean and I clung onto one anothers hand all the way in, only to break apart when Chloe's mother saw us and the rest were coming in. Not much happened after that since there was no point of filming till another day. He simply carried my stuff even though I didn't need help and such. Funny how Chloe didn't see a thing except for his hand always on my back whenever I'm walking in front of him or something. When her sister seemed to notice something was up.

I have no clue what's going on. A lot of people are happy about what happened, while a good friend said that it seems like he's starting to have feelings for me, too. Argh, help. & she told me I should ask him. I might next week when we meet again for the rest of the filming, then again, it depends on how it goes. I might just blurt it out when we aren't in the scene when everyone else is.

[seremela_culnamo]

We aren't going to semi-formal anymore. A lot of people aren't going, so yea. It's too late to buy tickets anyway. As well, we both didn't really feel like going in the end.

Well, we are best friends now. On Friday, the night before, I ranted stuff out on my webpage. My friend saw it and said she will print it out and let him see it, since I'm too scared to ask him about what's going on. It seemed like a good idea, but then after he got it, I realized that I didn't mean some of the things I said. After all, I was just ranting and said stuff that I didn't want to happen. Anyway, basically, it said stuff like I wanted to give up on my friendship with him because I didn't want to hurt him in any way, like how I never open up to him and such. So it didn't go too well. He didn't try to show it when I was around, but he was really depressed and took it out on one of our friends in class. Then he had try-outs after school, and my friend told me that he wasn't himself at all. I felt worse than ever.

So one of my other good friends calls him to make sure he's okay and she tells him that I didn't mean anything I said in the update. That he should open up to me and call me if he decides to. He does and we talked for an hour. We finally opened up to one another. It started off with him asking me questions, then I asked him questions back, and vice versa.

He said that he isn't ready for a relationship right now because he doesn't want the same thing to happen with his ex (last year when they broke up. he moved here last year though. they broke up sometime around this month last year). Basically she cheated on him because he was moving too fast for her or something. Anyway, after their break up, he was really depressed and somewhat, almost went suicidal like and had to visit the therapy, take medicine and all that. But now he's completely fine again. So he said that he didn't want that to happen, and that one day, he will be willing to get into a relationship again. Instead, we are best friends now. Still good :]

So we made the conclusion that we would start off fresh as best friends, but in the sense we know one another and all that. Then he said that we will keep that up, and then one day in the future, we will see where our friendship brings us to. Like of course, we will be even closer and all, but can that mean from what he said about how our friendship my carry us further, mean that the only thing thats keeping us apart from being "together" is because of his past? O-well. I don't want to think of it too much because I don't want my hopes up and all that again. Haha, but we did make one another feel special when we told one another that the other was one another's fastest friend of the opposite gender to be this close :] After all, we have both known another just less than a semester, though it could've been a year, but we were both too shy to approach one another last year =P Haha. Yes, like he said, "we were meant to meet" =D

Whelp, that's all I have to say. Haha. It was fun when I went over to his house on Saturday though.

His room makes mines look as though a tornado just went past