Unsure where this is going.., any inputs or advice would make me :) Options

[seremela_culnamo]

Yes, it's me again..with my huge crush over Dean.

Anyway, I have no clue what's going on between us. This thing has been going on ever since the beginning of the school year and he found out sometime in October, that I had feelings for him. Nothing really has happened but for the past 2 days, we had to see one another, since we are in the same movie production for writer's craft.

Day 1 - Thursday:
I was extremely excited since he was coming over to my house, and that would make him the first guy ever (our age anyway) to come over, that's not a family friend's son of mines. Everyone was suppose to come around 3, but just before it, my best friend, Chloe, told me that she couldn't come for another 30 minutes. Then laughed at me as I freaked out since that would only mean Dean, Rex, and I alone at my house since everyone in the family was out. It got worse since we weren't even sure if Rex was coming since he had work. Well it turns out it was only Dean so it was a bit akward, but we both don't show it..much. Lol. He's such a gentleman. He doesn't come in unless he's told to. Anyway, the first thing he says is, "you look nice today" with a smile. I shyly smile back..blablabla..the day continues...We walk to McDonalds to find Rex. Chloe was walking up front, while Dean stayed behind to walk with me, since I'm terrified of walking on ice. So he kept on saying that I shouldn't worry, that if I fall, he would catch me. We get there, they ate some stuff, and we walked back to my house. That's when Dean found it funny if he started teasing me, by nudging me, to make me fall or something. I know he wouldn't let me fall, but meh, he was having fun. At one point, I almost fell over so I grabbed onto his shoulder. He then puts his arm around my waist, hugging me close and asking if I was alright. I was, but he had his arm around for awhile, and then yea..I guess he noticed it was a bit akward for the both of us, especially when Chloe turned around, smiled really hard, and turned away to cover herself from laughing. Not much happened for the rest of the day, except for us two nudging one another all the way back home, him wanting to stay for dinner but his dad wanted him home to decorate the house for his sibling's birthday the next day, us two playing [not really flirting] and before leaving, telling me he had a great day, what a great person i was out of nowhere and such. Oh dear. My family teased me for the rest of day and I'm not even going out with him!

Day Two - Friday:
Got an unexpected call from him - told me that he would drive me to Chloe's house to film, after we pick up Rex from a mall. Stupid silbings. Teased me until he came. Anyway, we get to her house eventually and we filmed. Not much happened. Except for him poking and touching me occasionally and at times, we ended up standing so close in front of one another. Thank goodness he's taller so we didn't have to look at one another. Lol. He didn't seem to like the part where Rex drags me under the bed [its a scary movie], especially having to do it 4 times to get it right. Seemed a bit like jealously, but I wasn't sure. Anyway, later on in the day, we had to do some car scenes. He was driving his truck, and Rex and I had to be in the back, in the opening. Rex didn't come but Dean made him since he was scared that while I filmed, I would fall out. Not good >< Well since I'm not that tall, Dean comes up behind me and lifts me up onto the back. My entire hand was numb and red from the wind, so when we finally stopped, after a huge cresent, I gave the camera to Rex and made to get off, while I was still wearing Dean's glove. He hurried around so I gave it back, but he gave it back and lifted me down. It was a bit akward, but he gave me a small hug and I gave a small one in return. Then we hurried back to those house since the camera ran out of batteries. The next scene, it was the other 3, but I wanted to watch. So I went outside, with Dean's glove, and he follows. So there we were, on the doorstep, watching the other 3 prepare. Dean hugs me close and told me he would warm me up, since I was still freezing from the car scene. But it was really my hands that were frozen so he takes them, and warms them up, apologizing that his hands weren't exactly warm either. But it continued long enough for us to be warm. Then we made to go in, since the camera was totally dead, and it was akward how Dean and I clung onto one anothers hand all the way in, only to break apart when Chloe's mother saw us and the rest were coming in. Not much happened after that since there was no point of filming till another day. He simply carried my stuff even though I didn't need help and such. Funny how Chloe didn't see a thing except for his hand always on my back whenever I'm walking in front of him or something. When her sister seemed to notice something was up.

I have no clue what's going on. A lot of people are happy about what happened, while a good friend said that it seems like he's starting to have feelings for me, too. Argh, help. & she told me I should ask him. I might next week when we meet again for the rest of the filming, then again, it depends on how it goes. I might just blurt it out when we aren't in the scene when everyone else is.

[seremela_culnamo]

OMG. It went really well! =D OKAY. I'm too lazy to type everything out again, so here's what I have on my xanga about it. You can skip to the part where we went out. Heh. The first part..it's when we were filming. Somewhat important, but whatever. Have "fun" reading. Heh. Here goes:

Here I am..sitting here..listening to your gift..thank-you..but I should start of with what happened today..

Took a shower before Dean came and as I was getting ready, he came. He was suppose to come at 3:45, but he came at 3:30. So my mom let him in and started talking to him. I was scared that she was going to say something embarrassing about me, but she doesn't [i will explain why i know later]. But you know what was worse? She told him about the movie thing. So the entire plan of asking him at Chloe's went wrong. I was upstairs so I quickly ran to my parent's room and called Chloe about the news. We talked for awhile but it was a rush, since I didn't know what else my mom was going to talk to him about. Came down and got stuff ready. Totally embarrassed when my mom was talking in English. Stuff that Dean didn't need to hear so I told her to talk in Cantonese. Anyway, I survived it. We were just getting our shoes on when he goes, "you look really nice today" and I'm like, "thank-you", when my mom was there! I hope she didn't hear it, although I think she did.

On the way there, I asked him what my mom said. Actually, I asked him right after we left the house. Thank goodness. Nothing really embarrassing about me. Talked about you, too, Steph. Thank goodness that it was only my mom doing the talking then. Heh. The only awkwardness was when he was like, "you look really nice today". "Nooo..". "Yes, just like everyday. You look nice everyday".

Well, we finally finished filming! :] It was pretty fun. Haha. No offense to Rex, but I think we had more fun without him. Since he's the serious one. Oh my god. The scene where I was to be pulled out by Chloe and Dean from under the bed..it was so embarrassing! Chloe's reaction was so funny. Tried not to show anything on my face. I was lying there on the floor, half under the bed. Dean gets onto his hands and knees so that his face was right above mines. I was so embarrassed and shy. No clue why he did that, but yea, talking to someone you like that is quite weird! The rest of the filming was quite fun, too. Chloe's sister helped play a lot of parts. Ohh, Eddy, I tried to do what you recommended. Not a lot of chances though. Sigh* Tried to pretend everything was good between Dean and I..even when I was holding onto the other side of the camera while we watched our clip, and he slipped his hand further down the camera so our hands were touching.

Okay, so you guys are probably wondering what happened with the plan, right? Okay - flashback -Well I asked him if he wanted to come with "us" on the ride to Chloe's house. He said he would. Pretty happy after that, but I obviously had to tell Chloe before she asked him herself or something. So yes. It was all good. Thank goodness that you didn't come, Robby. Thanks again for the plan, even though it completely changed.

While we waited for night to come to do the outdoor scenes, Chloe helped me put the plan into action. She played as though she didn't know if Dean was coming or not and then asked her mom if she can go. I hope it wasn't obvious, since her sister was there. So she called her in and told her secretly what we were up to. So yea. She knows I like Dean now, too. But obviously Chloe couldn't go, but she said that Dean and I should still go. He asked if I still want to go and I told him I would like to, if he wanted to. We were both up to it, so we spent like the next 5-10 minutes deciding what movie to watch. It was a bit nice. Heh. He was sitting behind me so I leaned back a bit..so yea. Not too obvious, of course.

So after filming, we went over to MacDonald's to give Rex his camera and the script for editing. I can't believe it..I saw my old crush there working. Okay, forget him, he's not important in the picture anymore. So then we headed over to the movies, while we listen to Hedley. Speaking of Hedley, he brought me their CD. Aww, he's so sweet. While he was over at my house, he was actually secretly looking at all the CDs, to see if I had their CD. So he went out and brought it for me, while he brought one for himself, but it's one without all their songs. Only two songs. In other words, he brought me their original CD and not keeping the original for himself. Sigh* I felt bad but then yea..he's just so sweet and all, I just accepted it. So yes. Chloe, that was what we were talking about and stuff while we were at your house. & you know whenever we were talking and then stopped when you looked at us? It wasn't anything important. We were just playing or teasing one another for fun.

We get to the theatre and buy our tickets before we went for dinner. Although it wasn't the best movie I would've wanted to spend the ticket I had on, it became useful after all. Since it was spent on a night spent with him. Heh. I'm so silly in love. Anyway, dinner was either at Kelseys or the other restaurant next to the theatre. The entire time after we excited the building, he had his hand on my back. I wanted to take Eddy's advice and just responded with an action, but he kept on moving around so I couldn't. So we get to the restaurant and the waitress was really nice. I think she think we were dating or something, just from the way she treated us and stuff. Anyway, it was really fun. She came back with more crayons for us to draw on the sheet spreaded out on the table. Dean and I had a lot of fun doing that. He drew a guy surfing in a tub with waves while I helped him. Then he drew an evil chicken while I drew a demented donkey. Lol. They were "fighting". Then we both drew our own version of Harry Potter. Each character had their own lines. Lol. I was so tempted to just write, "I like you" and let him read it. But obviously since we still had the whole night ahead of us and yea..I didn't. But I really wanted to.

Dinner was pretty funny. Although we had awkward moments, we both laughed it off. Heh. Yea, you guys go awwww as much as you want. Haha. Since every once in awhile while we ate, Dean and I would end up starring at one another, and just shyly laugh it off. Haha. At one point, he was looking while I ate. So I looked back down after giving him a what are you up to look and he returned to his eating. He was about to eat when he saw me starring at him. Lol. That was really funny. He got so embarrassed, especially with his sandwich pieces, which were all really high up. I couldn't finish my dinner though. Lol. Yes. I won him. Haha. Okay, long story. Just that throughout the entire night, when we both tried to get another to do something or wahtever but the other one was shy or whatever, he will be like, "yay! i won you" or "noo, you won me!" Haha. He's so darn cute when he's like that. Haha. No, I did not tell him that. Nor that I could hear him sing. Even though I don't think he mind that I hear him sing all the time anymore. Lol. & yes. I just looked embarrassedly away from the numerous amount of times he said whatever I said or did was really cute.

He paid for dinner and we went over to the theatre. Actually, it was more like I walked there alone, while he took my leftover dinner and ran to put it in his car. Haha. When we go there, he had to go to the washroom and since I already went, I waited for him. But he couldn't find the washroom. Lol. So I geared him towards the right direction and slightly pushed him towards it. After that, we went in.

Fun with d**k and Jane was okay. Not that great but some parts were really hilarious. When we first sat, we totally like..ignored one another while talking occasionally. I was sitting to the left of my seat, away from him. Then I switched to the right when he had his arm off the armrest. Then as the movie kept on going, we just kept on moving closer. Okay, nothing happened so don't get excited or whatever. But our arms were constantly in contact and at one point, my shoulder was resting up against his. Both of us pretended that it was all natural. But I guess it was pretty close to the point that when he started talking a bit to me, when I turned, we were right up to one another's faces. Whoa, okay, hold it there. Lol. Yea. So it was kinda embarrassing but whatever. At one point I was wondering what he was doing. He was playing with me by pushing his face right up to mine. I was so embarrassed, but meh. Whew* Okay, better calm down there. Heh. No, nothing happened.

After the dinner, things just seemed a bit awkward between us. We were so close and all, that after the movie, he just kept on sitting there. So I moved away to go. He puts his hand on my back and started talking to me. But since we were sitting in the center part but more on the end, we had to move since other people had to get out. Heh. I was so tired after sititng there and the closeness between us, that I almost tripped over. Thank goodness that I didn't when we stood up and started walking down the stairs. But yea. I could feel it. It was a bit of akwardness between us. We were pretty silent and embarrassedly talked to one another.

It was around 9:20 when we left the building, and he had to be home by 10. So he asked if I wanted to grab a coffee [although I don't drink coffee] and I told him if he wanted to. Then on the ride, he asked me again and I said we can stop by Timothys. It was really awkward. We were listening to Trip by Hedley and I was thinking oh my god. Like the song doesn't fit our relationship with one another, but the part where it kept on saying I'm so into you, I felt like I wanted to cry or something. I'm really happy with everything and so glad that we went out, but..I don't know. So I was starring at my knees all along while my hands were..I don't know..or looking out at the window, telling myself not to do anything that will ruin the night. While him? He looked over several times but I couldn't really tell, since I wasn't looking at him. It was just total awkwardness between us two after the movie. Normally he would talk or even sing, but he didn't.

We get to Timothys and I felt really bad. He was going to get something to drink, but then he decided not to. We were going to stay there, but we didn't since he didn't want to be late getting home. After all, he doesn't live exactly close by. So I got a small hot chocolate. Felt bad that he had to pay, as though I was the one to blame since I was the only one buying. But he told me not to worry or anything. Then he took me home. Offered to help me carry my dinner to the door, but I didn't want him to. He has done so much and I should be thankful. Yes. Gave him a hug in the car, again. Told him thanks for everything [the time spent together, the CD, the dinner, the hot chocolate]. Just wanted to tell him that I liked him right after, but I couldn't. It felt right, but not the right right time, you know? But at least we both had a great time together.

No, it's NOT a date. Grr, for those who were saying that before today or even now.

So here I am..sitting here..finally done typing it up..don't think I missed anything..while I listen to his gift..such an awesome CD..still gave it to me even though he knew I have their songs on my MP3 and all that..seriously didnt expected this..nor that he was checking if I had it when he was over last Thursday..

Oi* What should I do after everything happened today? A lot of you guys said I should wait to see what happens today [my friends], so now what?

Any clue? o.O

// edit. I should've responded, but I couldn't. Like it just didn't seem right everytime or something. I wanted to, but I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. So yea..& his arm was always on my back or something..to warm me up. Lol. & he was only wearing a t-shirt and a thin shirt on top. . .OMG. He just called and you know what I forgot? I forgot to take my pjs with me! I left it in his car! So yea. OMG. I'm so embarrassed right now. Hehe. He's so funny. He was like, "do you want me to wash them for you?" Ermm, no thanks. OMG. I'm so forgetful. I'm so embarrassed right now. Blushing, too. Aghhhh.

// edit 2. Oh yea..we were talking about Universities. Sigh* We aren't going to the same. His 2nd and 3rd choices are my last two choices. I felt really down, especially when he said, "it would've been so good if we are going to the same one". I wish we did. Argh. It just felt like I was going to lose him forever or something. Haha. Makes me want to cry. Oh geez. What's wrong with me? Then after that..I got really silent..and stuff..and he tried to cheer me up or whatever by saying, "because you're so cool" and other good stuff. Ahh ><

// edit 3. Sorry, I keep on forgetting stuff. Lol. Umm, so yes. A lot of edits. Haha. Oh Chloe, all I got to say is don't tell him which day I'm doing my philosophy cafe thing. He's trying to come. So we are going to get to school early to tell our teacher. Lol. He's going to ask her, while I have to get there before him and find her to tell her not to tell him. We are both so silly. Then again, need to get my mark for chemistry. Stupid guidance. Haha. Oh yea. Funny. I'm hungry but I can't eat since I already have brushed my teeth and everything, since my dad is fixing stuff and there might not be water supply. And that just reminded me, at dinner..he ordered an ice tea. & he took a slip, then asked, "hey, do you want this? we can share" Blush! No I didn't know. Heh. Ermm, what if I did? o.O