my heart, numbed, from all emotion.</3 Options

[LittleLulu]

"it seems like yesterday, that my world fell from the sky"
its hard to imagine, that just 8 months ago, i became the happiest girl alive.
I had everything a girl could ever want. All my family members still alive, straight A's in schoo, best friend who i'd share everything with, and the kind, smart boyfriend who was on the basketball team.

Its amazing how so much has changed. I was shattered when we first broke up. 5 and a half months ago, that was. I still remember the feeling, glued to my bedroom floor...as the tears trickled down my face for hours on end. I lost 8 pounds that week, because i barely ate. I had to fight back tears as i greeted dad at the airport.

i would look at anything in my bedroom, and it'd remind me of you.
The CD's you burned me-i remember opening my locker and finding them.
My bed-i remember us lying there for hours. just talking.
i looked out the front yard-i remember seeing your shadow there..

You saved me from all of that the day we got back together. Everything felt right again.

But the happiness didn't last long. When i left to go to China during the summer, i thought of you every single day, every single hour. every single spare moment i had. But you? you didn't, did you.

Everything was fine until school started. You became distant. I remember crying every night again. I knew, deep inside, that it wasn't gona be long before it would have to end. And i was right.

every time i saw you talking to her. my heart sank. Everytime you turned your back towards me, my heart sank. Everytime i saw the coldness in your eyes, my heart sank.
until one day...i realized how ....

my heart is numb
I couldn't remember feeling happy. And eventually i couldn't feel mad anymore either. It was too much. I couldn't feel anymore.

my heart is numb
Numb from our final breakup. numb from the hurtfull things you've said. numb from the feeling of tears. numb from the loneliness. numb from being hurt..OVER and OVER again.

Even though its been so long. I think i've made the right decision...

but why is my heart still numb.....?