"Life Changing Experience", what changed you? Options

[De112]

Aight, So I know we all have had a "Life Changing Experience". I know I have. I've had plenty...But most of the experiences, no one ever tells. No one tells because alot of times it's not always good. This sorta goes back to Brandon's thread, get to know cb, but this goes into it, more depth to this one topic...

I'll start off..

To be honest, I think my dad leaving my Mom and I was the Life Changing Experience that was supposed to happen for a reason. It changes alot of ways I look at life. If my dad had never left my mom, I would have never seen the heart break my mom went through, and it showed me exactly what NOT to be.
Also, my step dad...he had problems with drugs. He would come home late at night, and start fights with my mom. I was 12...13 years old...What was I to do? This happen for a while. Around the time I got 15, I punched him. Broke his nose.
Things were never right after that. So my mom left him. Now it's just me and my mom...But both of these situations have given me alot...shows what NOT to be to a woman...

and it also shows that I have a bad temper from holding all this in =]

Now You.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

Wow thats tough. Im going to pick 5 things that i think have changed me the most.

Uhm. I think having to raise myself pretty much, changed my life.Being molested and abused, having failed attempts at rape twice commited on me, getting in and out of involvment with gang life. Seeing so many people be murdered. Having to go to memorials, funerals,burial sites so much each year to pay respects. How my mom and dad are, REALLY change me, and still is changing me. Im still young, but im yet so old.

My mom and dad .. are a pitifull attempt at trying to save marriage. Some kids say "At least you have parents" But if you dont know how homelife is for me, dont upen your mouth about what i should and should not want. Cos i definitley dont like hearing my moms wails everynight. Her cries, the kinds the shake your body, and make you out of breathe. And i mean, she really wails. I put up my music as loud as i can, so i dont have to hear her crying and my dad yelling but i can still hear the sobs. Im not sure if its echoing in my head, or if it really is her cries that are louder than the maximum volume on my computer speakers, but nonetheless i hear them. As ive sated before. I had a mother, unfit for mothering. And i had a father, but never in my entire life, do/did i have a father figure. It didnt really matter anyway. I spent most of my time raising myself and learning what i know on my own since my parents werent there. I cant even explain how much my home life .. is just. I cant even say. Cos its just too much to sum up into something that anyone could understand.But in the end, i know it has helped me. I know more about life than i should at my age. And i already know a lot. Im very intelligent street and school wise.. But im still a kid. I only just turned 14 for christs sake. But i know more than most 20 year olds maybe. Im wise among my years. Sounds conceited maybe, but its the truth.

Getting kicked out of my house so much has changed me. Its made me more independent on myself. When i was about 8 years old, i realized it was me myself and i. Its who i have in the end and its who i have to stick with.

The physical and sexual abuse from Jay. Of course that changed me. Im afraid now of other boys. I get uncomfortable if i become too close to a guy that i like, because im never sure if they are the sort of person who would hurt me like Jay-R did. Cos he seemed like one of the nicest boys i could get with. But obviously, i was wrong.

Being molested and almost raped by another boyfriend, Carlos, in 8 grade, has changed me for the same reasons as Jay-R but even more so. When i was in 7 grade, i was almost raped by a friend of a friend which was after the abuse and before the second attemtped rape so you can just imagine how i am with boyfriends. Im still, VERY comfortable with guy friends. Those are mostly the peopel i try to hang out with are boys, because they arent as much drama. But if its a boy im interested in, or like i get really uncomfortable.

Seeing and feeling the pain of death has also really changed me. In ways i dont think i can explain.

Gangs. Sigh. Im still sort of caught up in the gruff, but i know mos def. i can never go back to it. It gave me a sense of belonging when i mobbed with the family. But i chose not to get jumped in, because of George. And im glad i did.

There are so many other little things that have affected my life too. But those 5 are the main i would say. The death,family,abuse,raising myself and gang things.

Edited - Added a few more details cos my post was a bit confusing.