not really you |
 Nov 24 2005, 05:54 PM
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#1
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Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 512 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 9,682  |
i look at your face, and it radiates pain,
your smile has been washed off by the rain . your eyes tell a story of a thousand years, they seem to cry without dropping a tear . they're dull and they're dead, they used to be bright, your cheeks are hollowed by worry and fright . your lips are pale, no smile lingers, from it escapes such ghastly pictures . what happens to the happy girl i knew ? you're still the same person--yet its not really you . just remember that theres a rainbow at the end of every storm . and the sound of your own laughter has the power to keep you warm . please tell a story that has a happy ending, paint pictures of memories and happy reminiscing . and light up a smile that can build fire out of ashes rise from your sorrow like a newborn pheonix . |
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Dec 10 2005, 01:03 AM
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#2
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 dripping destruction Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,282 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,929 |
nice.
the first stanza is very nice, the second one seems a bit less polished, but equally intreguing. happens - should be happened? nice topic. title doesn't seem to fit tho. keep writing. |
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Posts in this topic
lidoxangie not really you Nov 24 2005, 05:54 PM
Tribal J_Rome very nice indeed, i wish i was able to write that ... Dec 10 2005, 01:41 AM banana_jamma i like it... A LOT. Dec 30 2005, 01:55 AM yukichan Wow..
I like the first stanza.. Jan 1 2006, 09:23 PM sporadic The rhyme scheme kind of switches at the end of th... Jan 1 2006, 11:59 PM illumineering The death and ressurection symbolic of a phoenix o... Jan 2 2006, 11:40 AM
Hiphop d[-_-]b QUOTE(lidoxangie @ Nov 24 2005, 3:54 PM)your ... Jan 2 2006, 09:30 PM |
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