Goodbye |
 Dec 5 2005, 08:06 PM
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#1
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 Koorime  Group: Member Posts: 153 Joined: Sep 2005 Member No: 237,135  |
Goodbye
The sky darkens. Your presence fades. I always end up alone. Can't some one like me for me? Cant some one stay with me? Am I repulsive? Am I unworthy of frienship? Everyone that tries to get close to me, usually has an alterior motive. Why can't someone be my friend? Why can't someone not use me for their own gain? I'm through with being someone else's toy. You're never gonna see me again. You're never going to get the chance, to use me for you own personal gain. This is goodbye to all the pain and sadness. This is goodbye to you. Sayonara. |
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Dec 6 2005, 08:52 PM
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#2
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 Amberific. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 12,913 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,772 |
Stylistically, I'd take out the "Sayonara" at the end. Also the coma at the end of the line, "Everyone that tries to get close to me."
I like how the beginning sounds kinda sad and pitiful and the end sounds kind of firey and angry. It's nice. |
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Posts in this topic
Dark's Angel Goodbye Dec 5 2005, 08:06 PM
Dark's Angel I know what you're talking about. I thought ab... Dec 13 2005, 03:02 PM |
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