Taking chances with a guy, I'd love your opinions Options

[ceara cecilyrose]

Lets say you've managed to fall completely head over heels for someone you met online. They live interstate and feel the same way about you, although you've only been chatting for 3 or 4 months.
What do you do? You're quite certain that he's exactly who and what he says he is and are thinking of just jumping on a plane and staying with him in his house for a few weeks.

I'm really curious about what other people would do in this situation.
I was in this situation around three months back, so after some people have replied, I'll tell you my story.

[ceara cecilyrose]

All of you who say it was really risky are right. The funny thing is that usually I'm quite cautious with guys I've met over the net. Like... really cautious. In fact, my boyfriend was only the second person I ever met off the net and I've been heavily involved in a whole slew of websites over the last ten years or so.
Oscar (thats his name) and I were both quite astonished that I'd suddenly decided to visit him. There are very few net people who I'd be game to do that with. A lot of it is that we were just friends first, online. Friends and friends only. Hell, he didn't even flirt! He didn't know HOW to flirt. And I never got those 'I want to sleep with you' vibes. Normally when you talk to guys online, they tend to be sexually agressive and ask you stupid questions about your sex life etcetc. Oscar did none of those things (which is good, because guys doing that drive me up the wall because they're all sleazy scum in my opinion!)

If he'd turned out to be a paedophile, that wouldn't have affected me (since I'm in my 20s, so he wouldn't be interested anyways!).
Before I met him, I talked to his family and friends as well, to see if I got any weird vibes from any of them - and I didn't at all.

But yes, we both decided that we were being utterly insane for meeting like that, breaking all the rules of internet dating and the like. If I were younger, there's no way I would have gone to visit. I'd have freaked out waaaaaaay too much and been too cautious. And if it were anyone else... No way. Not a chance. I've met and got along well with other people on the net, but there are very few of them who I'd be willing to meet face to face like that.

All that having been said, I tend to liken the internet to a big city. Some places in it are dark and dangerous. You wouldn't want to go into an alleyway at 3am in a district known for violent rapes and murders. And I wouldn't go into a sleazy chatroom and meet up with guys from there who ask me if I'm underage.
But if you stick to the right sorts of places on the net and use a bit of common sense, it's generally pretty safe. I think it's important to remember that people on the net are still people - normal every day people like you or I. The net is no more full of murderous freaks than the real world and yet people exercise a lot less caution in the real world. Like the dating scene or with new friendships. Why? Just because we can see them face to face? Thats really not a very good predictor. A lot of abusive people SEEM perfectly fine even face to face...
So I think wherever you are, you need to be careful.

I know it doesn't seem that way, but with Oscar, I was careful in most of the ways that count. I knew him pretty well before meeting him face to face, I talked to people he knows (including his mother) and had a very good idea of what his lifestyle was like. I saw plenty of photos of him (none of them disgusting - yet another sign that he's not a freaky sleaze hehe) and where he lives. I looked him and his family up on the net as well. I found out his political and religious views, what his favourite animals are, his previous experience with relationships and all of those other things. I knew more about him than the average person who gets into a relationship with someone they met face to face first :)

I also did have an emergency plan. Several, actually. When I met him, I had my mobile phone with me set to dial family in the same city, just in case.

It turned out that none of these measures were necessary. He's exactly who he said he was and I'm quite certain that he's not about to become an abusive arse later on down the track. I don't feel this way just because of instincts. I have a degree in psychology and a lot of my interests are in the real of personality psychology as well as the psychology of trauma, so I have a pretty good idea of the personality profiles of abusive people. Oscar simply doesn't fit them. He's very non-aggressive, not highly sex driven, extremely moral (but not judgemental, he just has moral standards that he sticks to), isn't at all domineering. In fact, in our relationship, my role is more like that of the 'guy' than his is.
In the past, he had problems getting involved with girls because they tended to put him up on a pedastal and compare him to a priest figure *g* Course, I never did because I don't put ANYONE on a pedastal.

Funny really. Before Oscar, I never thought I'd ever get involved with anyone online. I really, really didn't.