Subliminal Messages Options

[seremela_culnamo]

Yet again, this is going to be a long post but I have to write exactly what happened in order for you guys to understand what's going on. I really appreciate if you give me some advice because the ones I have been given, they are all along the same lines whereas some are completely different. Thanks!

To start things off, code names are used. I'm Robyn, my best friend's Chloe, my crush's Dean.

Thursday.
I was having a really bad day. I was really worried about my mid-term marks because my marks aren't as high as I wanted them to be. So I began to worry about what my family would say and then all the emotions got me thinking about Dean. I couldn't help crying in class, but since I sit in the back, I hid my face by starring at the board, while Chloe sits beside me and Dean sits across from the aisle beside me. It was just horrible..Then when it was after school, I just left immediately. Guess what happened? Dean makes Chloe stay for a solid half an hour to talk to her about me.

Knowing Dean, I know it must've been really hard for Chloe. At one point, he just pressured her into telling him who my crush was. So she gave up and just said, "You!" Then he goes something like, "I could tell ever since the night we hung out at Vaughn Mills". That was 3 weeks ago from last Friday! We just basically hung out with one another while he took me shopping for presents at like..3 different malls or something >< But then he didn't say much afterwards, since he had to "work". Even though I think that was just an excuse because I don't think he has work on Thursday. Unless it was for community service or something. I don't have a full detail of what happened..

Well around 4, he called me. Told me that he really cares, don't do anything crazy and basically saying that he will never let me go, regardless of how much I seem to hate him. But I don't hate him! Even though he's given the impression that I do since I'm ALWAYS pushing him away when he tries to help me and such. I can't believe that I didn't realize what he meant by him being able to tell what was happened ever since the night we hung out. I thought he meant it as in that I was mad or disliked him since then. I had no clue. Then he calls again at night, just to make sure I was okay and that he really cares.

Friday.
We had a poetry reading thing for Writer's Craft, which continued from lunch till the actual class period. Anyway, I was waiting by myself in front of the classroom at the beginning, since we had a club meeting before the poetry reading started. But there was hardly anyone there except for those who commonly ate in the halls. Well he kinda comes up to me and starts talking me and such. Meh. It was really awkward.

Then when the poetry thing started, we all started talking. Then we went for the food. It was so embarrassing! I was next in line after him for the pizza and he gets his. Then he goes, "Robyn, which one do you want?" Smiles* I go, "The other kind." Him, "Here, I will get it for you." Me, "Nah, it's alright", and goes to get it myself while he does at the same time. But I got there first. So he goes, "Aw, you sure? Here, I will help you." Then my friend, "Rex", who always appear at the worst times and state the obvious, he goes, "Stop treating her like a child!" It was completely embarrassing. I was beet red so I turned to face Rex and simply said, "Rex!" with a glare. While Dean goes, "Shut up!" It was so embarrassing since it was in front of everyone and there's only 13 students in the class!

Then it was time for poetry reading. I read the poem that he already read before and it was dedicated to my crush! Omg. I can't believe that I did it!

It was time for our next class. I got really embarrassed when I was leaving. Chloe was up front by the doors, waiting for me (we have 3/4 classes together. craziness!). Anyway, I was walking up to the front of the class, and Dean was there. He was like looking down at the floor and at his water bottle, then he looks up at my with a bit of a shy face or something and goes, "I really wish I can come". Then looks back down. He meant it as in, he wished that he could've gone with the club and I to the Harry Potter movie right after school (ekk - yes, i'm a harry potter freak! o.O). I got really embarrassed so I gave him a weak smile and just left.

In philosophy, that's when the truth hits me. I was a tad angry at Chloe for not telling me that she 'confirmed' it with Dean that I like him! Then I felt so retarded for reading the poem that he knows it was dedicated to him! Omg. Now he probably thinks I'm a freak or something because I guess he was assuming that Chloe already told me the day before or at least on Friday that he knew. So much for playing along that I pretend that I don't know that he knows that I have these feelings for him. Sigh*

What should I do? My friends all say that today, after I get a full version of what happened on Thursday after school - his conversation with Chloe (since Chloe only told me a bit in philosophy - so i'm making her tell me EVERYTHING and if she doesn't, im not going to do ANYTHING when she comes over today to work on our politics ISP!), I should call him. At least by then, I might have some courage and explain the behaviour I have been lately. & he's just as confused to why I would ignore him to the point that it seemed like I'm mad at him. Whereas people like my sibling say that I should just let it go and since he knows I like him, he will eventually ask me out or something if he feels the same way. I really have no clue what to do >< I'm so shy and this has never happened to me before. I feel like a child. Lol. Since I'm in grade 12. But I don't want to ruin our friendship and he really does care a lot about me. Sigh*

I will definately add stuff to this when I find out exactly what happened between his conversation with Chloe about me.

[topsyturvy]

I think he really wants to try. Why don't you give it a shot? If it doesn't work then, well, that's how relationships are i guess. You just gotta keep trying, that's all. Except with different people.

Maybe you could start off by rebuilding the friendship.. Take down your defense and stop ignoring him. Accept him slowly to the point that he won't notice it as a whole chunk of affection all at a time, but small bits of acceptance. Over time you'll have his trust.