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Mouthed Words
Bobblehead425
post Nov 9 2005, 07:44 PM
Post #1


My desperate heart is far too weak to run for you this long.
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Mouthed Words

my words mean nothing
and reflect off your heart
they fall on the floor,
the letters rip apart

so I dropped the conversation
and left you alone
to be the king of cold emotion
single handed on your throne

you closed my lips
and sewed them tight
i tried to breathe
but the world's out of sight...


.....

im bored all the time. i write like...alot.
 
 
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RiddleMeWonders
post Nov 9 2005, 09:25 PM
Post #2


fell in love with a boy
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Joined: May 2004
Member No: 16,965



It's really good.
It's not over done, it's a style that isn't used but by one or two people here. Length happens a lot.
I especially like the bit about "king of cold emotion"

I adore voters. Vote.
Seriously, I know people will read this. If you're posting topics in this section you should comment frequently. *Critisizing other's works and comparing them to your own help you to become a better writer. When you comment, the forum comes alive.
 

Posts in this topic
Bobblehead425   Mouthed Words   Nov 9 2005, 07:44 PM
b0st0ngrl   That's awesome. I absolutely adore it.   Nov 9 2005, 07:49 PM
Bobblehead425   thank you lol i adore comments...   Nov 9 2005, 08:16 PM
RiddleMeWonders   It's really good. It's not over done, it...   Nov 9 2005, 09:25 PM
faithin_felix   woo, i like the rhymes!   Feb 13 2006, 08:29 PM
lidoxangie   i love the first stanza   Feb 13 2006, 09:43 PM


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