message to anyone, v13 Options

[*mzkandi*]

Ok, new version up. You all know what to do......


_________ I'm glad you're my best friend =)

_________ Seeing you cry made me cry. I'm sorry you had to lose your mother. I cant even imagine what life would be like without mine. I love you and will always be here for you.

[xTINAA]

Dear You,
I think I've made a decision. I can't live like this. I can't. I can't go on wishing, waiting, hoping you'll come back. I can't pretend that things will turn out okay or that you're thinking of me. I can't continue to dream that soon you'll get your head straight and say you love me and mean it this time. I just can't. Life is hard enough. I don't need this. I can't continue to cry everyday. I can't continue to get weaker and dig myself into this whole that gets bigger and bigger. I need to stop. Catch myself, my breathe. I'm really going to try to move on. No matter how many tears are going to have to be shed in the process, no matter how much it's going to hurt, I have to. Sitting here waiting for you hurts just as much, if not more, and it's detrimental to every aspect of my life. I want so much for you to come back, I want so much to continue to love you, miss you, and I want so much for you to want and need me. But it's not what I need, or at least I don't think so. I don't need to spend every second of my life thinking about you because honestly it's not getting me anywhere. In fact, every second I spend thinking about you is a second of my life wasted, I'll never get it back. All these times that I've been dreaming about you were wasted times. And all those times I spent crying, pouring out my heart, were spent wasted. It hurts to think like that, to move on. It really does. But I'm just praying that it will get better, it needs to. I can't live like this. I'm praying I'll be able to breathe and stop this vicious cycle of breaking down, crying, and feeling like shit. Is it all really worth it? I mean deep down, I think that I sincerely know you're not coming back, that it's over. And for the past month I've been desperately trying to hold on, trying to wait it out for you to come back, even if I knew it wasn't going to happen. It is all tearing me up inside to the point where I don't understand my whole life, I don't understand why I act the ways I do or why I think certain things or why I consider certain people my friends or why I let my self get this far or whatever. I need to get back on track, I need to regain focus and composure, I need to move on. I always knew I needed to move on but it's not what I wanted. And you know the more and more I think about it, how the hell do I know what I want? Since when does anyone really know what they want? Some little girl wants a pony, but does she really want it? And more importantly, does she need it? I'm like that little girl. I want you but then again, do I really want you? How do I know what I want? I'm obviously unsure about basically everything else in my life so how can I be sure of my wants? You can't be. You can only be sure of your needs, as long as you don't get them mixed up in your wants. I said I needed you but truth is I wanted you. I don't need you. You don't need me. This is becoming apparent to me and it's breaking my heart but in a way I think it'll help too. All I know that I know for sure is that I deeply care for you, love you, miss you, and want you. I also know for sure that I need to move on, that this is hurting me, and I'm stuck in a rut. So my decision is going to be moving on. I'm really, really going to try. I need to for the sake of my own life, in order to get my life back. I just wish it could be easier because God knows I'm going to struggle and fall down and fail a million times over but I hope that I have the strength to get back up again. I felt like I couldn't ever get over you and that I'd never be able to stand on my own two feet. A part of me still feels that and that part is trying to drag me back into the safe, comfortable area. The area where I just sit there and cry and do nothing for myself. The area where every thought is you. I need to break out of that and take this risk and try to move on. And who knows? Maybe one day you will come back but at least, I hope, by that possible time, I'll be stronger and standing on my own two feet. I'll have regained my life back. I know it's going to be hard. I know that it's not going to happen soon even if I want it to. It's going to take a long time and a lot of hard work, pain, suffering. I'm going to try. I'm sick of trying but I still need to do it. And no matter how hard I try I also know that those thoughts of just taking the easy route are going to be there, battling in my mind. I hope to overcome that because I need to; again, I just can't live like this. There's just a few things I need you to know though; I love you and always, really will. I miss you entirely. I'm going to always be thinking of you, be reminded of you and us. I'm going to move on and become stronger. And lastly, I don't need you. I don't. Just typing that, thinking that, is making me cry, hurts my heart. But I have to accept it.
-Me.