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createblog diary, v.6
*mzkandi*
post Sep 13 2005, 09:31 AM
Post #1





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originally started by faithin_felix.

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Most of you know the drill. Comment and/or quote someone elses entry but you must also make your own.


Dear cB,
My first quiz is tommorrow. I may have to pull an all-nighter tonight. Hopefully not....
 
 
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xTINAA
post Sep 21 2005, 10:03 PM
Post #2


hello : )
*******

Group: Official Member
Posts: 4,227
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 13,139



Dear cB Diary,
Today was such a hard day. Everyone could see something was bothering me. I couldn't tell like anyone. Only a few people. Why? Because it hurts to say it. It makes it seem more final. I feel like maybe if I don't tell anyone it will go away and he'll come back to me and then I won't need to tell anyone. I'm afraid that's not gonna happen. It was hard to pretend to be alright and to not just break down crying in class. Lucky me I only had two classes today which left me 3 1/2 hours in between them to cry. I seriously cried all day. All f**king day. I went to sleep last night crying, I woke up crying, I drove to school crying, I was at school crying, I drove home crying, I got home and cried. The only time I didn't cry today was during the two classes and when I went to lunch with Grace. Otherwise I was filled with tears. I almost started crying in English today once it started to rain. Silly me, huh? I felt like the heavens were crying because Seho just got buried today and because Phillip and I broke up. I wanted to cry but I held it back. Waited til I got to my car. And I burst. I can't deal with it. I'm trying to be positive and be okay. But I can't. Everything reminds me of him and then that makes me cry to realize that I no longer have him. I want him back. Please God give him back to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm always sorry. But I was only happy with him. I wasn't truly ever happy until I had him. Now it's gone. It was too short. Don't I deserve to be happy? Why God, why? Please. Even while I was with him I might have been hurting but I'd rather hurt and have him than hurt and not because that hurts a million times worse. Please. I need him. I'm sorry. I can change. He needs to know that. I wasn't affectionate enough. I knew that. It's hard for me to open up and be really affectionate but I know that if I got him back I could be Lord. I know that I would be. Only because I wouldn't want to lose him again. Please. I love him. I don't want another bad day like today. I don't want the rest of my days to be like this. Please. Have him call me. Something. I need him. Oh God. I need him. I love him. This isn't over to me. It can't be over to him either. He has to know he's being unfair and hypocritical. Please. Let him see. I can't handle this. I don't want to cry anymore. But I don't want to go numb either. I hate feeling like this. I've felt it for the majority of my life. Please. Let me be happy again. I don't want anything else but him. I don't care about anything else but him. I put him even before me. His wellbeing before mine. Please Lord. Today was too bad of a day and I don't want to spend the rest of forever crying. Everything reminds me of him, us. Everything. I see the color red and I think of his red car. I hear a song and it instantly reminds me of him. I see couples walking by and I start to tear up. I look at my room and it reminds me of him. I can't even stand to be in here. I can't stand to be in my bed where he held me. I can't live like this. Everything reminds me of him, every flipping thing. I need him. Why doesn't he see that? Why doesn't he see that I love him? That I've been there for him and will always be there for him? We didn't get to do any of the stuff we promised we'd do together. We still have so much to do as a couple. All the promises we made. A drive in movie, double dates, prom, Korea...God. None of those things are worth doing without him. I don't even want to be in IB anymore. I want to just give up. If I can't have him I don't want anything. I might as well give up on everything. I want to drop out and have classes with no one I know so I can be secluded and alone. I don't want to be with anyone not even friends. I want to be with him. Only him. Why is this so hard...?
-Me.
 

Posts in this topic
mzkandi   createblog diary   Sep 13 2005, 09:31 AM
lolita kitty   dear cb, im about to go to school, might as weel ...   Sep 13 2005, 09:37 AM
jooleeah   Dear Createblog Diary, Whoa. Stress stress stress....   Sep 13 2005, 06:22 PM
stephinika   dear cb diary, my parents wonder why i don't ...   Sep 13 2005, 06:40 PM
silver rain   Dear CB Diary, So, he asked for a break. Or actual...   Sep 13 2005, 09:03 PM
helllla jankyyyy   Dear cReateblog Diary, I don't like him but I...   Sep 13 2005, 09:07 PM
celticsluvr   DEAR CB Diary, I have the weirdest thoughts going ...   Sep 13 2005, 09:48 PM
yuna*   Dear CB, I'm so freakin sleepy right now. Even...   Sep 13 2005, 10:20 PM
lolita kitty   dear cb diary, wow. just wow. i feel so weird now...   Sep 13 2005, 11:51 PM
toodlepops.   Dear cB diary, Oh dear. I found Trojan Horses in ...   Sep 14 2005, 05:48 AM
jooleeah   Dear Createblog Diary, Listening to this song ( St...   Sep 14 2005, 03:44 PM
lolita kitty   dear cb diary, OMFG, TODAY WAS ONE OF THE SCARIES...   Sep 14 2005, 03:48 PM
stephinika   ^^ wow cassie, hope you're feeling better. d...   Sep 14 2005, 05:32 PM
toodlepops.   Cassie, I hope you're feeling okay now.   Sep 14 2005, 08:07 PM
helllla jankyyyy   Dear cB Diary, Ah so icky right now. Yeahh I...   Sep 14 2005, 09:05 PM
yuna*   Dear CB, Yay! I did better than I expected on ...   Sep 14 2005, 11:32 PM
salcha   Dear createblog Diary, I hate my sophomore life. ...   Sep 15 2005, 01:24 AM
yukichan   dear cB diary.. Today was a good and bad day.. I r...   Sep 15 2005, 02:04 AM
lolita kitty   thanks lorena, sarah, and steph. im all better now...   Sep 15 2005, 05:23 PM
mishyerr   Dear CB, I can't stand this. I can't beli...   Sep 15 2005, 09:00 PM
stephinika   dear cb diary, why am i so disappointed? really. ...   Sep 16 2005, 01:21 AM
cheerbee07   dear cb diary, today alex, mandi and i sat with br...   Sep 16 2005, 04:08 PM
jooleeah   Dear Createblog Diary, I wish it were night. I...   Sep 16 2005, 04:18 PM
torngemini   Dear Createblog diary, I've been listening to...   Sep 16 2005, 06:14 PM
helllla jankyyyy   Dear cB Diary, Damn guys are so .. wow. ..Ladeda...   Sep 16 2005, 08:59 PM
yuna*   Dear CB, ARGH! Talking about sexist in PE clas...   Sep 16 2005, 09:11 PM
KissMe2408   Never posted in this before... "Dear diary, ...   Sep 17 2005, 12:52 AM
salcha   Dear cB Diary, I wish my mom didn't rag on me...   Sep 17 2005, 01:21 AM
Cake.   Dear cb diary, I can't believed that I changed...   Sep 17 2005, 02:33 PM
lolita kitty   you know what? im going to get this all out, right...   Sep 17 2005, 02:39 PM
stephinika   dear cb diary, well tonight was successful. yay. ...   Sep 18 2005, 01:00 AM
YoGrandpaIsFine   Dear cB Diary, Wow. Toby, Cheryl, and I are getti...   Sep 18 2005, 01:09 AM
Heewee   Dear cB, I've had a really rough week. Every w...   Sep 18 2005, 01:17 AM
yukichan   I have to let this all out before I hurt someone.....   Sep 18 2005, 04:48 AM
Nicolatofu   Dear CB diary: Wow, this year is SO different. I ...   Sep 18 2005, 10:40 AM
Kameko   Dear cB, Life's no fair. My dad is cutting off...   Sep 18 2005, 11:15 AM
insomniac   dear cb diary, im about to have a nervous breakdow...   Sep 18 2005, 11:25 AM
kaleidoscoped   dear cb diary, i wish i were more myself in englis...   Sep 18 2005, 11:52 AM
lolita kitty   dear cb diary, hm..i dunno what to say. i feel be...   Sep 18 2005, 05:46 PM
M1SSxCHR1SSY   Dear cB Diary, I can't stop crying. I'm i...   Sep 19 2005, 01:30 AM
sharerol   Dear createBlog Diary, Today started out fun. I ...   Sep 19 2005, 01:36 AM
Teesa   Aw Christina, I love you so much and you know that...   Sep 19 2005, 11:52 AM
mzkandi   Dear cB, 5000th post *woot*   Sep 19 2005, 07:16 PM
lolita kitty   QUOTE(mzkandi @ Sep 19 2005, 7:16 PM)Dear cB,...   Sep 20 2005, 06:51 PM
stephinika   dear cb diary, sigh. he makes me so happy, even w...   Sep 19 2005, 08:01 PM
helllla jankyyyy   Dear cB Diary, I truly hate hate people like him....   Sep 19 2005, 09:58 PM
yukichan   dear cB diary.. I. Don't. Know. What. I. Feel....   Sep 20 2005, 03:19 AM
jooleeah   Dear Createblog Diary, I've been overwhelmed w...   Sep 20 2005, 02:29 PM
xd0rkette   Dear cB diary, I haven't wroten here in a long...   Sep 20 2005, 05:21 PM
Heewee   My mom is really starting to make me mad. Actually...   Sep 20 2005, 07:02 PM
Blue-Chan   Well here's my answer to all your complaining....   Sep 20 2005, 07:30 PM
M1SSxCHR1SSY   Dear cB Diary, Today was a horrible day. Horrible...   Sep 20 2005, 07:44 PM
ichiban   dear cb diary, this week of school was the worst....   Sep 21 2005, 04:57 PM
Blue-Chan   Dear CB, I'm bored again, so I came here. Tod...   Sep 21 2005, 06:09 PM
andromeda_90   Dear CB, I feel this melancholic wind sweep ...   Sep 21 2005, 06:16 PM
cheerbee07   dear cb diary, today sucked…went home sick 4th per...   Sep 21 2005, 08:55 PM
M1SSxCHR1SSY   Dear cB Diary, Today was such a hard day. Everyon...   Sep 21 2005, 10:03 PM
jooleeah   Dear Createblog Diary, I think this was by far the...   Sep 21 2005, 10:06 PM
toodlepops.   Dear cB Diary, Ack. Everyone's changing. I w...   Sep 22 2005, 12:00 AM
yuna*   Dear CB, I GOT MY L LICENSE!!   Sep 22 2005, 12:08 AM
toodlepops.   ^ I can hear Nickelodeon   Sep 22 2005, 12:13 AM
jooleeah   Dear Createblog Diary, I'm reading everyone...   Sep 22 2005, 03:08 PM
`SWTWiNKLE3YES   Dear cB Diary, i`m sick and tired of all this ...   Sep 22 2005, 03:56 PM
Blue-Chan   Dear CB Diary, I filmed Alex fall. Frickin' h...   Sep 22 2005, 07:48 PM
BrokenDream   Dear createblog diary, Oh wow. I had a very great...   Sep 22 2005, 08:04 PM
M1SSxCHR1SSY   Dear cB Diary, Today was easier. Not seeing every...   Sep 22 2005, 09:51 PM
helllla jankyyyy   Dear cB Diary, OKay, I'm desperate to let all ...   Sep 22 2005, 10:59 PM
Heewee   Dear cB, I hate me. I hate how when people find ou...   Sep 23 2005, 03:24 PM
PinkTrash   Dear CB diary; Schools okay noww. Its wierd, its ...   Sep 23 2005, 04:44 PM
IamRad   dear cb diary, today i IM my friend with a silly ...   Sep 23 2005, 05:01 PM
BrokenDream   I'm heartbroken. It was a lie.. but he still g...   Sep 23 2005, 05:16 PM
treschicgeek   [SIZE=1]Dear cB Diary, The last few weeks have be...   Sep 23 2005, 07:38 PM
Teesa   Dear Createblog Diary, Yesterday was fun. School w...   Sep 23 2005, 08:18 PM
Claudel   Dear CB Diary, Today is my Bday, im getting old, ...   Sep 23 2005, 08:22 PM
lolita kitty   dear cb diary, well, im having fun right now. sor...   Sep 25 2005, 12:56 AM
silver rain   Dear CB Diary, Today was great, and I felt pretty ...   Sep 23 2005, 09:00 PM
sharerol   Dear createBlog Diary, So there was this kid who ...   Sep 23 2005, 09:30 PM
yuna*   dear CB, I probably shouldn't have tried that ...   Sep 23 2005, 09:34 PM
Blue-Chan   Dear CB, I just went out to dinner with my ex and...   Sep 24 2005, 01:54 AM
aera   dear cB diary, there's such a big love...tria...   Sep 24 2005, 03:04 PM
reflection   i still think about him   Sep 24 2005, 03:24 PM
tweeak   Now honestly, what am I supposed to do for the nex...   Sep 24 2005, 06:04 PM
toodlepops.   Dear cB Diary, Life is so boring nowadays. I had...   Sep 24 2005, 07:33 PM
BrokenDream   dear createblog diary, well, it was a lie. sheesh....   Sep 24 2005, 08:07 PM
yummy_delight   Dear Diary: HE'S DATING SOMEONE ELSE. ARRRGH...   Sep 24 2005, 08:28 PM
tweeak   QUOTE(yummy_delight @ Sep 24 2005, 8:28 PM)De...   Sep 24 2005, 09:44 PM
salcha   Dear cB Diary, I'm not doing as well as I use...   Sep 24 2005, 08:54 PM
yukichan   dear cB diary.. OMFG..Yesterday was not funny..Can...   Sep 25 2005, 12:32 AM
toodlepops.   dear cbd, I have some pictures to upload. But I...   Sep 25 2005, 01:01 AM
stephinika   dear cb diary, what is wrong with me? at this poi...   Sep 25 2005, 02:26 AM
BrokenDream   dear createblog diary, hello again. i came to make...   Sep 25 2005, 02:44 AM
YoGrandpaIsFine   Dear cB Diary, I look better with this hairstyle....   Sep 25 2005, 05:45 PM
Blue-Chan   Dear CB, Yesterday, me and J watched Corpse Bride...   Sep 25 2005, 09:26 PM
Teesa   Dear CB Diary, Work always puts me in a better moo...   Sep 25 2005, 10:48 PM
sharerol   Dear createBlog Diary, I saw Just Like Heaven tod...   Sep 25 2005, 10:50 PM
tweeak   Hahahaha I was doing an inventory of my junk draw...   Sep 26 2005, 05:42 PM
yummy_delight   Dear Diary: I just got my class pictures back and...   Sep 26 2005, 08:11 PM
lil_chubby_cheeks2   dear cb diary: today was a great day...except i al...   Sep 26 2005, 08:36 PM
stephinika   dear cb diary, what a sweetheart. i love that lit...   Sep 26 2005, 09:49 PM
BrokenDream   dear cb diary, well, school has fine. this guy whi...   Sep 26 2005, 09:54 PM
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