It was a lonely night in Boston, poem, would really like feedback |
 Sep 19 2005, 07:04 AM
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 33 Joined: Sep 2005 Member No: 224,772  |
It Was a Lonely Night in Boston
It was a lonely night in Boston When the city went to sleep Stood a single, vacant doorway Supporting a solitary man It was a lonely night in Boston When the snow began to fall Leaving screaming snowflakes As they died upon his flesh It was a lonely night in Boston When the cruelty arose The sobs that wracked his body And paralyzed his soul It was a lonely night in Boston When came a muted sigh Softened by the soothing powder That made the city die It was a lonely night in Boston When I herd the woman scream While white twisted to red And the angel got his wings I know it needs some tweaking.. PLEASE tell me what you think! Thanks so much |
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Sep 19 2005, 01:56 PM
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#2
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
QUOTE It was a lonely night in Boston When came a muted sigh Softened by the soothing powder That made the city die I liked that part the most ^. "and the angel got it's wings" very nice ending i must say :) you might want to give this poem a little more backbone and a clear cut picture, but u have several great points and ideas in this poem :) |
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Posts in this topic
Ansata It was a lonely night in Boston Sep 19 2005, 07:04 AM
Ansata Thanks so much! Sep 26 2005, 06:22 PM cfaye3char I could feel it deeply very good. Sep 26 2005, 06:54 PM Ansata Thanks, I really apprechiate the feed back! Oct 2 2005, 05:46 PM rainnydaiis Really nicely written. I liked how you did somethi... Oct 4 2005, 04:24 PM Ansata Good guess lol, yeah they are... most pple haven... Oct 7 2005, 04:12 PM RiddleMeWonders i thought I commented on this already..
well. be... Oct 7 2005, 04:23 PM rainnydaiis Yeah because the lines seem to have a meaning behi... Oct 7 2005, 04:59 PM Midnight Faerie Wow, very good. I enjoyed that a lot. Oct 8 2005, 10:05 AM Ansata Aw wow, thanks so much guys, I was expecting ... Oct 17 2005, 02:42 AM Genuine_Essence i like!! Oct 29 2005, 06:07 PM o0olaalaa its great =) Oct 29 2005, 06:58 PM Ansata Thanks so much guys!
I really apreachiate it =... Nov 2 2005, 07:36 PM agirlnamed_aly I loved the repetition, and the vagueness of it al... Nov 8 2005, 12:43 AM
Ansata Thanks so much! =)
I have a problem with my s... Nov 8 2005, 12:51 AM |
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