Message To Anyone, Volume 11 Options

[Teesa]

You know the drill.

To Christina--
Thanks SO much for being there today :) I know I sucked at the dance before you taught me the moves, thanks for being so darn patient! I love you!

To ______________ :
I saw you in the car today..you are so freaking cute. Everyone says so. ARGH, I WANT YOU. haha.

--Teesa

[KissMe2408]

God,

alright. i see. I gotchya. I KNOW! It's funny almost. It really is. If i read this in a book, i probably would be like ,"man that main character is stupid." haha, and yah maybe I am. I see what you are trying to say. And the thing is I've always known what you were trying to say. but of course my flesh is fighting against it. And still i don't understand, still i don't. It's so easy for one person, yet so hard for another. Ignoring you? no, not ignoring you. Mad.? maybe, mad and confused. but you've already knew that. So you will make me feel like a fool and force things infront of my face until i break down and understand. And yah, i'm starting to learn that. I can't run to anyone or anything. I just have to run to you. And right now I feel like, how do i exactly do that at the moment. I feel like a blobbering mess at the moment. And i need ur help in this. I need you to send me someone to help me through this. A friend or something. One that understands. I need you to help me. Because still even with all of this, I refuse to be depressed and sink back to where i used to be. I refuse to let a guy get to me. I don't want that to happen. I will not be sitting there crying 2 years later like last time. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN! I don't want it to. I'm tired of this. Tired of something like this always happening. tired of this feeling, this weird prickeling. I hate this. i really do. And do i need to go through it? yes. Do i need to write about it somewhere? yes. on here? maybe. It feels better getting it into the open void. I can type it, and send it. Like i'm really sending you an email in a way. And sometimes when i try to talk to you, it gets mixed up and stored somewhere, so it's easier when i type to you sometimes. I am so weak. I really am. And i'm disgusted with myself. Slapped in the face, and maybe i deserve it. And guess what God, we're gonna fight about this, until we get it straight. Meaning, we're going to be doing alot of talking. I asked why? and you gave me an answer basically. And now i ask "now what". where exactly do i go from here, and in a way i know that answer too. I feel angry, you know that. why right now? why when i have this killer paper due in a few days?!?!?!. I can't get any words out. well no words about Dostovesky and the underground man. But i can get words out on how i feel inside. or atleast try to, they get all jumbled. and i will sit here and rant and rave, and be upset, and be mad at myself mostly. disgusted with myself for sinking to that level. So here i am God. 2:30 am. Again. We've had this same sort of discussion with Brian. and i'm not really looking forward to this Brian the second outcome. Please just tell me somethan. help me with this. Give me some feedback here. Even better, could you strike me with lightening? That would be wonderful. Great, so this comes in stages yes? Self-destructive. see, we can't let thathappen, again. That happened 2 years ago, and i will not let that happen again now. THat is ridiculous. isn't it? So here we are. and now i will take a shower, and just kinda sit there and talk things over with you. and very much consider leaving createblog, xanga..and throwing away my cellphone. We'll talk. i'll stop ranting in here, because people probably think i'm crazy.